Tuesday, November 20, 2012


instead of a whole long complaint post i intended to write, i can only say this now.

do not focus on the natural and the lack, focus on Jesus' supernatural and his abundant grace and love.

amazing how Jesus' love can do so much, without struggle, without force.

Just free flowing and never ending :)

Sunday, November 11, 2012


loving Sundays where I just come home after church filled with food and good fellowship and just lying down on bed reading books or just listening to music (: and so encouraged by the sermon today, much needed assurance that I got, so blessed. Sundays are usually quite packed with work because eversince I have Fridays off now with the condition of having a packed psycho Thurs, most Fridays are spent chilling although I should probably start cutting down on that, and weekends are spent on catching up with work but since its the festivities, couldnt be happier that there is additional much needed break to sort out everything!! ahhh bliss :))

I know this is weird but I would seriously rather chill at home then to go out to the mall and shop :(

see I've been travelling, been travelling forever,
but now that I'm finally home, feels like I'm in heaven :)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

oh sweetness

I think the best Singapore series I have ever watched would be Fighting Spiders. TOO GOOD!!!! But not like I watched many Singaporean series, oh oh and also Little Nyonya, cos all of us had to watch it and my grandparents were very happy that they produced it, made them proud to be one :) But anyway back to Fighting Spiders, its just too good, I love it too much! It's great to see how Singapore was back in the 1960's and the cast is so talented :) It's very comical because when I watch it, it feels as if everything could be related to it, as if they are playing your life out :) Today's episode was particularly funny because Jamal was trying to explain to Charlie about first love, and he gave a very funny analogy.

Not the exact quote, but in my own words :);
I used to practice climbing the coconut tree everyday and after a few days, I did. I plucked my first coconut and it was so sweet. And after that I climbed again, again and again, everyday. But the coconuts I had after that was never as sweet as the first one.

Too cute!!! I love shows that bring back good memories although it never reeled that way in real life. I love it when it brings back memories without making anyone feel bitter about anything. Super funny and I love it! So excited to catch it every week. And of course, Soon Lee too! So darn good looking can die lol. 

So lifeless at home on a Saturday night, but so much work to do, it's never ending. And just got a reminder, only 180 days to exam, scaring the shit out of me, 6 months sounds a little bit long, but 180 days is so damn freaking short. You have got to be kidding me!! :(

Oh wells. Not like being worried can reduce the period of it coming so all we got to do is to stay calm.


Saturday, October 27, 2012

so broken, it hurts

It really really breaks my heart seeing children and the elderly sick or being infected by diseases because I really cannot imagine the pain they have to go through, especially since their pain tolerance is not that high either. There are just too many cases out there, but everytime I hear a new news, my heart aches just the same, regardless how it has become a norm. I cannot imagine the kind of agony their parents and family have to go through, I feel their pain and it's not even me, myself going through it. I was about to sign up to be a volunteer to visit unwell children at hospitals every week, just reading them stories, playing with them, spend time with them, love them but when I looked at the form, I just couldnt do it. I cannot bear having to see them face to face because I think I will actually break down and die. We had a visitation to an orphanage once, just a few of our friends to a home at Brickfields, and I couldnt even take it. It was fine all the way until when we were about to leave, my heart broke. Sometimes I wished I wasnt such a chicken and a little bit more rational but I just couldnt. super sad :(((

I hope you get better soon baby, eventhough I have never met you in person and I pray that you only get better and better everyday because Jesus loves you and a beautiful baby like you will get your healing and life back, Jesus paid the full price for your sickness, and good healthy prosperous life belongs to you everyday of your life.


Friday, October 26, 2012


so much work actually so sleep deprived in need of a breakkkkkkk :(

how fast time passes is scaring the shit out of me how can this be happening please let me have enough time to do whatever I need 48 HOURS A DAY PLEASE :(((((

oh so so so clever :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

happy birthday baby

happy birthday baby, we love you so so much! you have brought so much joy to us, and life is certainly better with you around. you are the best dog anyone could have, your love is never changing and our love to you is always the same everyday. many more handsome years to go bobby! thank you for being the one constant thing we can always count for everyday. especially for me :)

loved everyday.

Monday, October 22, 2012


worst news I have gotten this year, supposed to be so painful and so heartbreaking.

but I am surprisingly super proud of myself because I dont feel hurt at all :)

ahhh, just get better already. 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

old toys to the less fortunate

what a funny day I had today! was just looking through my Corporate Finance lecture slides, about ten minutes ago, and supposedly SUPPOSED to be reading it through right now, but I have a higher calling waiting for me. INTERNET SPEED SO FAST TODAY WTF NEED TO WATCH MY BIG BANG THEORY. and also the rain is not helping, so comfyyyyy walao just wanna sit on my bed and drink something hot, but I have a huge ulcer now and its going to pop anytime so annoying and so painfullll. 

but anyway about my slides. I was looking through it and I wasnt sure if I wanted to laugh, cry, or just go to bed instantly. I believe I saw words like, mean variance analysis, and COVARIANCE WTHHHHH. omg stats why you haunt me forever :( and so I have to dig out all my stats notes, and I also took a brief (very brief) look at my text book coverage on this COS ITS DAMN FREAKING THICK, approximately 100 pages lololol. And so I thought, oh well its ok. just need to memorize the formula and apply in to the past year questions but my lecturer made a note saying this; It is very crucial to remember every single formula, the graphs, THE DERIVATIONS (WTS) as this will be the FUNDAMENTALS to the harder ones coming up, this is ONLY THE BEGINNING. lolololol! and so here I am, waiting for my BBT to load, self motivation down the drain :(

hahaha, im not stressed lol (YET), I actually find it quite funny although I want to cry at the same time but this is just so funny. only the beginning. then my lecturer laughed. I think she must have thought, oh good luck to all of you hahaha. 

and I am so happy for you Ash! I hope this is a new beginning to greater roads ahead, and I have never doubted your capabilities once, you are one of the smartest people I know. I know everything is going to work out so well for you, and I am so very happy, although I cant see you in class everyday now, but you of all people deserve this great joy and opportunity. 

really need to get back to my slides after this lol. 

''Give your used old toys to the less fortunate, they need it more than you do.''
well, of course :)

Cheers to the weekend! 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

not now


How can so many things flood into your life at once in a single moment?!!!! So many things to do and all so difficult :( I dont know how to survive like this till June's exams :( Sometimes just want to curl up forever in my bed and not bother about anything :(

Aih. I only need one thing in life. Jesus.

and maybe a Chatime. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012


I remembered writing a very long article which I was very passionate about just a few months back but I never did share it and it now lies comfortably in my drafts because the amount of words I used could never really expressed my complete thought. I actually wrote the article in office lol, because I was so so fired up by it. Then the fire died down. It was pretty controversial and it would in some sense offend a lot of people, but it is really nothing but the truth. Just a very bitter pill to swallow directed to those who the passage was written to. But like the Malay proverb, Siapa makan cili, dialah rasa pedasnya. Until I saw this status which a friend posted.

Why do chances always go to people who don't deserve them?

A thousand thoughts, only one truth. And we all know it :)

i have so so much work to do, shit :( bye life.

Monday, September 24, 2012


this is exactly why I have given up hope on every single one of you. for all the reasons I always want to forfeit but keeps on banging at my door-pleading me to not NOT undergo my oh so precise judgement. no exceptions. except my beloved bobby :) I certainly hope I would be proven wrong one day and I will gladly accept defeat and embrace the love and victory because afterall, your winnings, is mine as well. 

oh Nat, you are so so clever.

Dogs are magical creatures, their love is just so-priceless. and the amount of love I have and the whole family has for Bobby is ever so refreshing. my very best friend and my family :)

bliss :)

Sunday, September 23, 2012


not so much of despair but more of thoughts

Nat you gotta get yourself together and be less attached to your emotions because with the amount of work you have now you will die if you dont get a grip :)

how can one single view distort a whole thought :(

Saturday, September 15, 2012

and so you say

you say people dislike you or otherwise hate you for no apparent reason, but have you ever thought that the problem might have always been you yourself-- and not them? do you even deserve what you have now, when so many people out there who could have utilize it and could have earned it with their integrity and victorious march but because was stolen by you or so called given to you because of the idiocity of laws and biasness of regulations not hate you? do you even for a moment think about the shit other people have to go through rather than your superficial crap?

return waitings, no more of existence. 

perhaps for the few who is loved. the very few.

one day you're the cock of the walk, the next a feather duster.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


it's funny/ridiculous/absurd/amazing how much guilt can be felt when you want to have a little good clean fun. when uni starts.


Monday, September 10, 2012

oh for the temporal love

Tried studying this weekend but it ended up with a pretty big fail. I really dont know whats wrong :( It's bad because I really want to study but I am so sleepy and tired all the time :( And the worse part is from Friday to Sunday, the wanting-ness to study just declines even more :( Supposed to read up past years but I just can't :( I really dont know what is hindering me and I have never felt like this ever. No matter how reluctant I am to start school/college/uni, usually I will be very gung-ho about it for the first week and I want to give in my best but this time its the total opposite :( I really really hope its just the temporary I can't adjust back to uni life after a wonderful holiday period and hopefully I will be able to pick up the momentum fast, IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

Met up with Jinny Wai on Saturday for dinner at his place, and I got to see Aunty Jess and Uncle and Jin You after so long! Ever since Jin left on Sept I didnt see them anymore, and I also got to see Jin's new kitty cats!!! so cuteeeee! :) didnt manage to snap a picture of them but I used to be not a cat person cos I feel like I am betraying Bobby everytime I love cats and they are not responsive as dogs, to me that is. But they are the cutest! Partly cos it's Jin's and I am biased :P good dinner with a few people, and I wished this would happen every weekend. Hints to why uni is such a dread for me too :(  LIFEEEEEE :(

best friend of 5 years and many more to come :) 

 jou jou :)

desk partner for four crazy years and craziest friend I have :)

super sad Jinny is not coming back next year but really hoping we would all be able to gather again and hope hope either way we would meet back in Malaysia or in the States or UK. Summer has come to an end but. THERE ARE NO BUTS :( walao. okay please recover soon. I REALLY NEED IT :(

and thank you Claire and Ong for having us at Mia's birthday, she's grown up so fast! got to see ee-poh too, good family gathering :)

hoping to a good workable week ahead, crossing fingers a million times!

Friday, September 7, 2012

1st week

1st week of uni has ended! still cannot believe I am in my second year. and the best part is I do not have any classes on Friday WHADDAP! though I will not be conned because timetable wasnt that hectic either last year but I was suffocating like a fish on land. So as for now, I am not going to presume Friday to be a rest day although technically it is!

It's been a pretty loaded week, not super hectic and tiring yet, but loaded. Lectures already begun and because this year's subjects are very new to me, especially with things like Corporate Finance and Banking and Finance. I am quite happy that its is more balanced now, maths and reading are equal, and hopefully my theory part can push me up all the way. Really crossing my fingers everything goes well and even better and greater than well. 

Had a little adventure today, quite nerve wrecking actually. I though I lost the access card for the guard house when I drove out today and collected my cheque at the office! When I returned home, I couldnt find the access card anywhere near the dashboard, so I panicked. The replacement card is damn expensive TT Drove all the way back to office and see if I dropped it on the road and had to rush all the way upstairs to the office and see if anyone returned it or not :( so stress. When they said there was nothing, my heart literally sank and I was super sad. So I had to drive home, no choice, just though I would go and get the new card after lunch if I really can't find it. When I reached home, I went up to change and said a quick prayer hoping for a miracle that my card was somewhere in the car. When I went and check again, I went through every corner and sides and suddenly I saw a card holder between my seat and the gear box! It was almost impossible to see it but I did! I was so happy and it took me quite some time to get it out from there which shows how deep it has went in, and it got out! Thank you for everything Jesus! I can't explain the relieve and joy I felt eventhough it was just a finding of a card and not something super valuable like diamonds or rings. Just a reminder of Jesus' goodness in every part of my life, big or small.

and happy birthday to my lovely lovely Jie Su! your kindness and love is beyond words, and we are all so glad you are one of the best family friends we have. it's been an amazing 8 years and we are looking forward to greater happier times ahead. especially with Jerome all growing up now and Yew Juan!

dugged out a very old picture of us and a reminder of very good times :) many more to come!!

ahhh weekend. bliss :)

Monday, September 3, 2012


helooooooo second year of uni!

i know the thing about how our thoughts maketh the situation but I am really really really really not excited for you. but nevertheless, may this be a good, non suicidal beginning to a wonderful 9 months!

oh summer, how i miss you and how i long to see you soon.

Thursday, August 30, 2012


You know that i love you, 
you know that I want to know you so much more, 
more than I have before;
Jesus you are the Saviour of my soul,
And forever and ever I'll give my praises to you.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


have we all lost that humanity in our hearts that social affiliations and ties could not be enough to save it? have we all turned our backs unto edges and coldness spreads like the fire, the fire that traps us in the very home we thought we once knew?

Monday, August 13, 2012


''Catching my reflection while passing past a looking glass not long ago,I discovered I was older, even old. There was no sudden melancholy or regret, and yet some sadness in the wonder that it happened while I wasn’t watching.''

I am looking forward to great happenings, eventhough I am quite scared of everything. Jesus has been so good to me, and cheers to everything good installed for the times to come :)

Thursday, August 2, 2012

how could it

It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. 

That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for

Samwise Gamgee, The Two Towers. 

Friday, July 27, 2012


I remember back then when I was younger there was only one question that I would ask my parents. Besides asking what are we having lunch/dinner, I always asked them how come they wanted to have Emeline and later Crystal. I always imagined how happy I would be without them with all the extra goodies I would get instead of it giving it to them and how much more extra attention/love/money would be mine. But things did work out for the best. Everyday the only thing I would be consistently thankful for are my sisters. Emeline and Crystal are truly the two people who understand me most.

Due to bigger age difference with Crystal of about eight years, I can relate more things to Mer. I think it would be quite hard to tell Crystal about how I am not sure if I am doing the right degree because she does not even know what a degree is or things like if is it worth it to spend time on this guy because they might end up all being assholes anyway. But nonetheless we still love her as much.

Mer is one of the best persons I know in life. I remember when we were younger we were like cats and dogs. Or probably worst. I wished she never existed. Now she is the best friend I can ever have. It’s like having a best friend that stays under the same roof as you and whenever I need her I can just go next door.

She’s been sort of like my life/road GPS. Literally. She has the best sense of direction and I would be quite terribly lost if I were driving alone. She’s the free adventurous spirit, the tough and fierce one. I am more of a chicken, and all my adventures are mostly based on her constant pushing. She’s the one who will remind me to man up and be strong when I am making myself unhappy with stupid decisions. She knows what is in my head even before I speak it out. Every time I just say mer, and before I can even finish my sentence she would say, what jie, you want to drink chatime is it/you want to kill this person is it/you want me to help you do this is it.

She is indeed the eldest in the family. Sometimes I can be quite terrified of her. However because of the physical convention that I am the eldest although I am not really, I get to have the final say in the end :D though most of the final decisions made are based on her ideas because they are the rational ones.

But do not be fooled for sometimes when we fight, it can be war. We don’t need to use many harsh words, but each word uttered hurts ten times more. Like there was once when she was doing some things on the computer and I kept on bugging her and asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me hahaha, and she said shut up jie in the please don’t mess with me tone. So I just stopped bugging her after that. The next day I saw a note that said, sorry I didn’t mean to ask you to shut up and she drew bobby’s face on the paper. Hahaha.

All I want to say is that I am very thankful for my sisters, and its just one of those days where I feel like talking about it. 

Friday, July 20, 2012

Of social conventions and dictations

My parents used to warn me about how sometimes the most professional and elite settings are the most dangerous places-- where people dress up in nicely ironed crisped shirts, where the sound of heels clicking as they get louder and creeps behind you without an acknowledgement. The thoughts of people are almost impossible to perceive and the desire of their hearts are beyond your understanding. There is no single wavelength of what you think it is and what it actually is would be on the same frequency. And so that kind of fear instilled in you is what you grow up with and you can only experience this for yourself when the time comes.

I am going to write about this because this is in the moment kind of thing, and the feeling differs as time passes and I want to capture every moment of my feelings --memories and capturing of words are the only thing left of your shadows and past. Before this I was interning at uncle peter’s office, my wonderful pastor a very kind family friend of ours. I was in my own comfort zone. I remembered clearly the first day of work I had lunch with jie Su back then when she was still pregnant with Jerome and everyone I saw in office were familiar faces. Aunty mee lee was sitting behind me, uncle james (which I found out was my neighbour a few doors away after I started working there which saw how ignorant I was in making contact relations) took me home everyday after work, there was krystina, uncle felix and many other people from church which made me felt at home and at ease. I wasn’t sure if people were kind to me because they sympathized a young intern, or because I was so used to addressing our boss uncle peter rather than mr sze. or perhaps they were just genuinely kind which they were to me at the end of the day.

And so I was intending to return there for internship this summer break where I did not have to worry about anything. Instead, out of my sudden hype of wanting to try out something else and experiencing something new, I decided to apply for internship elsewhere. I am completely on my own.

I feel that I have probably learned more in three weeks than what I learned in university for the past nine months. And most of all, I have learned that the things I pick up are not only knowledge confined but are of social etiquettes and norms. Well this applies more to myself and it is not an indication of how it works everywhere.

1) do not be afraid to ask questions no matter how stupid they can be
I was more than anything but fearful to approach people to ask them anything I was unsure of. I did not want to be of trouble. I compiled a report and in corporate terms, ytd stood for year to date, but instead I wrote yesterday. I think we have been ingrained to not ask questions because asking questions is seen to be stupid. But if we never ask, the stupidity of those questions will eventually stupefy us. And if you are still afraid, Google. Googling is the most essential and useful tool of knowledge available to mankind. And yes I am still working on both asking more questions and the fear of asking questions does not disappear overnight.

2) it is okay to not know anything. But learn?
my first week of work I was all wtf is all this omg can somebody just murder me why is this like this why is this like that when is lunch time when can I go home TT but that is the whole thing of internship aint it, to learn. If everyone expects you to know everything, then we would not have to be pain stakingly try to get our degrees to get more painful work after that. But it would help if you willing to learn. Actually, you don’t really have a choice, you have to learn.

3) read up. A lot.
I just found out that Ben Bernanke is the chairman of the Federal Reserve, the Central Bank of the United States. That explains how much of an ignorant I am.

4) we try not to take offense if people make jokes that may seem offensive. Or is actually offensive
I am not sure how I should put this, but sometimes ignorant is bliss. In some cases at least. Do not let your day be ruined by something so insignificant. The things that come out from a person’s mouth reflects a person in almost every way and it projects their intellectuality.

5) when don’t know what to reply, just give a neutral one.
Sometimes when colleagues comment on things like, this is shit, or what idiocy is this and I am not sure what to say I just shrug and smile. I think it is way better than giving a comment which ends up a little unwise?

6) formal reply matters
people in the office really really really love to email. Really. Emailing is the in thing now. Even if you sit right in front of that person. if there is one thing I have to adapt is probably when I am replying emails. Personally I love to show enthusiasm when replying mails or texts and even when answering calls because it projects your tone that people cannot see. It’s the least representation of yourself. And so usually my email will go like this:

HI BLABLABLA! How are you doing! Is everything good! J hope all is well! I was just wondering if it is okay for you to send the attachment I need by the end of the day? So sorry for your trouble and thank you so much, I really appreciate it!

But now at work my email is just like this;

Dear Blablabla,
Hi, hope you are having a lovely day. Please email the attachment by the end of the day, thank you.


I really need to get used to it. People at work just need that formality. Although this may differ in various places.

7) have fun!
I don’t know how much fun is everyone having in uni but I am glad this is a current substitute from school. Can live in denial until results comes out. Be that intern that when you leave your colleagues will say oh no he/she is gone, no one is going to help me do this/do that.

Hopefully greater news come forward in the next few weeks :D

On a brighter note, its a FRIDAY WHATS UP!!!!!! Everyone in office is booking tickets to watch the dark knight and the only thing I want to do is go home, eat dinner and chill with family and the bobby boy. Not sure if I am 20 or they are 20.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012


And so I have been really enjoying my internship. I mean although it can be quiet and boring sometimes but the exposure I gain is so much more than anything I have ever learned in university. The reason why I really love it is because this is what I am good at. This is something I know I would enjoy doing no matter how daunting the task is. Because it is in me. It is everyone’s talent in their own ways.  My boss has been so kind to me, and I have met some nice colleagues and I am really enjoying myself. It is so difficult to even think about going back to uni, going back to the crap that I had to endure for the past 9 months. I am honestly not sure what kept me in one piece, with the amount of psychotic work, crazy lecturers and self-murdering exams. I don’t even have to go back there to think about how crazy and stressful life is going to get when I return there.

You know how sometimes we always have to go according to the systems of the world and you really hate it. The one thing I hate more than selfish and ignorant people would probably be maths. Yes, maths. Some people are just so naturally good in it. They don’t have to even think about the questions because it comes so naturally. Truth to be told I am jealous of all these people. If only I could have one tenth of their brain power I would be the happiest. Unfortunately I am not. We always try to be people we are not.. but at the end of the day who are we fooling. Sometimes fooling ourselves is so much more damaging than fooling the world.

Not quite sure how much courage I would have to harness to return back to the reality of life, and how much bravery to go against the convention of the universe. Sometimes choosing between the bridges to cross and the ones to burn can be so illusive that we end up burning ourselves before we even choose to cross any of it.

Hey nat, at least you are not drowned.

Monday, July 9, 2012

you are good, real good

Turning 20 was great! Didn’t do much of crazy party I wanna strip and go to the casino till I am drunk kind of thing but it was really good. Had to go for a stupid marathon in the morning, almost killed me 7km long omg TT but I didn’t exactly run, I just walked all the way hahaha good job nat :D then had lunch with sisters at petaling street, the yong tau foo is so damn good if not because we had to go back for dinner we would have just continued eating till we die cos it was so damn good! Went to the pet shop after that, had to get shampoo for our baby and we saw this super nice shampoo with super nice packaging and super nice smell with less chemicals but it was 185 dollars wts!!!! Even my shampoo is not 185 dollars and even if it was it would be way more than this dog shampoo but it smelled so good I swear even if I use it my hair will smell damn good too. Was super tired already then but some of my aunts were coming over so had to clean the house when we went home and had to help my mum to cook some things and now that I am in office I am so tired cos I only had 4 hours of sleep I wanna kill myself :(
After dinner, which was so damn good, was waiting for ash to come over cos she was around the neighbourhood and suddenly hanna, yee thong and brian appeared out of nowhere wts! So bloody surprised, was so happy and touched! They brought cupcakes over (visualize good looking cupcakes) cos I am too lazy to upload the photo :D and it was good! We just chilled and talked to each other and took photos yay! Missed jia wei though, Bangkok shopping woman! really great way to end  the day and im super thankful for Ashley who took the time to organize it, family :’)
Went for my first press conference this morning! It was for the SME Awards launching, small medium enterprise recognition awards, and it was super businessy. Everyone just goes there and shake hands and exchange business cards lol. It was so funny, this guy, came over to where me and my another colleague was sitting down and just started shaking hands and when he passed me his card I was WHAT THE SHIT.  He’s a special assistant to the CEO of Cimb Bank, I never even heard of such a position my whole life, but apparently such a post exists! Then my colleague told me he’s a really high position person and very high profile and then I suddenly had a realization this is what I want to do in the future, my ambition! Unless I become the CEO myself mwahaha. And then this guy also handed another card and he asked for mine and I said I don’t have and he asked back don’t you carry your business card around, I nearly laughed till I died. And the good thing about press conferences is that they serve really good refreshments after that. I had the vegetable lagsana which was so good! Good job, super full and super sleepy.
Going to meet up with jins, miss him too much, haven’t seem him for so long and so glad that he is back from the States and lis soon, eventhough im so bloody tired right now and can probably sleep for ten days in a row.

Half an hour more till going home time!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

intern for summer break!

im interning at The Edge for two months!! :) so no more HIMYM marathon in the morning, and all my other series and sleeping till noon and im so sad :( but kinda exciting too! it's my third day of work, and everything is still kinda laid back , kinda boring for now but im pretty sure in the next few posts im gonna start talking about how im going to die being drowned with work beyond my smartness hahaha. okay kidding. i hope i dont post so much of that. but i picked up a few things along the way. well kind of picked up :D 

people come really late to the office. when late, it means about 10, 11, 12. thats the really cool thing about working in a newspaper company because they stay back late for work at night to finish up the publications for the printing of newspapers which starts midnight! i mean it's kind of cool! i dont mind coming in late to work if i have to stay back a little later. and im so happy cos the office is just next door to Tesco!!! i can go to Tesco everyday during lunch break woohoo! but most of the time i just chill at Borders after lunch which is fun! and the office is so near my house, thanks Jesus :') 

met a few nice colleagues, they are so experienced and talented. i just spoke to one of the senior financial writer, and he's so funny and so well darn equipped in his expertise of the financial world and sites. he just came back from Ukraine after the Euro2012, Calsberg sponsored him for this trip! perks of working in the Editorial Department! he asked me if im a mad woman because he doesnt understand why i have to intern here. he says i will cry when they start giving me work and wished i could reverse the clock back to when i had nothing to do. he's been working at other newspaper companies for really long so he's really experienced but he's humble too. he went there with a few other friends from other newspaper companies and he said they were like a bunch of psychos in the plane because they served beer all the way until there and they had at least 15 bottles of beer each day and they scared off all the angmohs on the plane hahaha.

other than that, all i do is just read papers and news these three days which is kinda mundane but i am now at least better in all these business foreign news thing which i didnt know a shit about before this. and while i was reading some news in New York Times this morning, guess what i found http://www.uknowkids.com/. this is like a website where parents can monitor their child's activities on social media websites where they can see what they do at all times. even if their kids drive and text at the same time. if i saw this article a few years back i would most probably be like what the shit, only psycho parents would this have they no sense of privacy etc and all the teenage emotional rage hahaha. but now when im looking at it, im like WHADDAP THIS IS THE BEST WEBSITE EVER! this is the website im gonna use to monitor my children next time! okay kidding, unless it goes out of hand. :D okay i dunno what im talking about. 

and they have a coffee making machine in office, i just tried this drink chocolate plus coffee or something plus something but it is so good!!!!! and so sweet so i'll probably get diabetes by the end of my internship :D i hope everything goes well and looking forward to more exciting happenings! 

and going to watch Brave tonight with lis, oh yeah!!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


im having the time of my life now, everything is just going so well! no stress at all, no pressure, just so much time to chill and do everything i like without fearing there isnt enough time to study etc. 

this is really the good life. 

Friday, June 1, 2012


for fuck's sake, they are your parents in law, how the fuck can you even utter those words out without any feeling of shame and embarrassment. 

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

deliver us

busiest most exciting week ever! working at the kindy for a week cos they are having holiday camp and they need help and so im working with my sister so happpyy! the best part is, always always always, that we only need less that 3 minutes to reach the kindergarten yeahyeahyeah! (Y) just got back from perlis/penang two days ago and it was great! really tiring cos we had to be at the stadium for really long hours but i was very excited to see everyone running! i think the one thing i have learned while i was still running/doing sports, (now probably just get disqualified at the first round) is that no matter how scared you are and how tired you are, you just never give up. even if you are last. i was very very very awed by the runners' performances, they were great and even if they didnt win they deserve every respect from the audience for all their endless hardwork and determination. their mental strength blew my mind off and i only could wish i was at least 1/10th as good as them!

and so, yesterday was the first day of work at kindy, and i had fun! the theme of the camp is spy camp! so exciting! i get to be agent N! hahaha. also had my mum's bank scholarship interview the only thing i was scared of was that i would lose my way when i go down to kl and not be able to find the building wtf. but 10 minutes to the interview i freaked out like shiatt but overall the interview went quite smoothly i hope :( they asked me stuffs like. what do you think about the ptptn loan, should we abolish it? should we mantain it? walao i really have to start reading the papers more, my general knowledge level negative :(

and tomorrow we are going to the pizza factory for field trip! so fun! i really hope the kids have fun! and meeting lis tmr omg ever since exam started we just studied like crap and postponed so many outings until FINALLY :D so excited really cant wait! and going off for We The Kings! :D cant wait cant wait! :D and on Thursday my mum has bribed me with pasar malam to pick her up from the LRT station so that she doesnt have to drive, i mean walao no need to bribe me la please i would pick her up anywhere as if like i will only pick he up if she bribe me walao damn sad. but since she already offered her bribe, why turn it down right! loklok and laksa here i comeee! :D

and meeting up with tuition friends form high school lol on friday! so exciting! havent seen everyone for so long! yay yay yay! still waiting for Nestle to reply my internship application, reply me Nestle pleaseeeeee! this internship app thing is scaring me, i didnt wanna work at first but EVERYONE IS WORKING TT die. 
pengaruh rakan sebaya.

this is totally unrelated but. sometimes in life, we give away whats important to us to other people. and then they hurt us because the things we give away are given to the wrong people. but one day you realize even if you have given it away to those wrong people, you can always take back what belongs to you. because ultimately, its yours anyway and nobody has the rights to take it away from you.
just saying.

oooyeahhhhh good week! and sister is hooked on big bang theory, im so proud of her :D

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

family support!

okay so now i really really know where i get my last minute plans will work out genes from. well so apparently i just found out, 2 mins ago then we'll be heading to perlis tomorrow while stopping by at penang (goodie!!!!) to support crystal in her track events for MSSM! i mean i would love to support her and give her all my love, but one night before. seriously. and well apparently crystal doesnt know cos my mum called her this morning and she said please dont come mummy, i will be to terrified to run and you will ruin my performance. and so now the plan is we are going to just sneak into the stadium and peak at her running and never tell her we went there. whutttttttt -_______- if im going im going to bring a freaking band to support her. but im damn broke considering how much it is to hire a band :(

so yes, packing bags now though i have no idea what is in perlis TT the only bribe my parents are offering me is  two days in penang for good food! cant wait to see my grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunties eventhough its just for a few days!

Monday, May 21, 2012

freedom never felt better

haiiiii!!!!! hahaha im not dead yet! havent updated for months, im so happy im doing this! exams just ended a few days ago, im so so so so relieved, its almost to a point of finding that my life is filled with meaning again after exams wts. yeah its that bad.

workload its that bad. seriously. sometimes when i come online all i wanna do is just do something that doesnt require thinking. like reading something or talking to other people because my social life has been that dead too, sometimes i feel guilty to go out for dinner with my own family wtf because i have so much shit to do during the weekend to cover back everything that i cant catch up during the weekdays. but its most probably due to my super incredible way of managing my time im a sucker for keeping to schedule and i take longer to complete everything i plan. like if i plan to do three things during the weekend i would end up only doing 1 thing cos i take so damn long to finish it.

tadaah this is my pery collection after succesfully cleaning my room. random but yes! and im so so relieved now! i finished watching the whole season 5 of big bang theory in two days so happy and so funny! and im almost done with gossip girl! although i find it quite annoying now but cant keep my eyes off their clothessss so damn nice can faint :( organized all my notes so happy! :) (dear god, please please please let me not ever use those notes again and also probably sell it off damn bloody expensive the amount i paid for it) cos if i do means i would have failed a paper. most likely statistics 2. oh god the thought of it makes me want to cry but whatever is done is done no need to talk about it anymore k thanks. and god please dont let me fail any other papers too :((((( okay so scared now.

but good times ahead! never been happier and i am going to do everything i have planned for this summer break! this is going to be a good good break and i cant wait! yayyyyyy!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

CNY withdrawal syndrome

okay so penang was really too damn good i swear i actually thought of extending my holidays without the rest of my family until after thaipusam. and then i realized that i cant skip too many days of classes cos things are getting so damn hard wts, and i needed to study and catch up eventhough i worked damn hard for my mocks and screwed up anyway, i hope this scenario does not occur again.

wanted to upload some pictures of CNY! but my cam battery ran out wts, and now im recharging it but thought i should blog cos im so damn stressed :( dunno how im gonna survive for the next 90 days before my real exam, so damn scared and worried :( but its hols in KL today though! very happy one day break! but my sisters all have school and my parents ditched me this morning, dunno where are they now, forever ditch me so im all alone and should be studying which i will soon i dunno what shit life is this :(

and just made a huge discovery! not really huge huge but i can wake up early in the morning to study is a myth. for me that is. forever cant wake up, and can only stay up at night like an owl/bat/whatever nocturnal animals available for productive sessions though i must get rid of my im scared of ghost shit :(

and finally went to Craft Brews! eventhough its only 3.5 mins from my house, yes i calculated. the pork was so damn good, and the drinks, didnt know it was a buy one free one yesterday for ladies, me and ash were there, so nice! was a good catch up girl session eventhough i see her in uni everyday hahaha, and also sit beside her in every class hahaha :D rule number one : girls cannot finish conversing- about anything.

the only thing im looking forward to is to study real hard and not screw up my exam so that i can enjoy my three a half month break woohoo playing tetris and going back to penang very excited! cant wait to spend time with my grandparents and also be a driver for my sisters everyday for tuition and bring my dog for walks everyday and give free tuition to this orphanage home and wait for everyone to come back during their summer break so damn bloody excited omggg! :D huge reunion!

okeh. studeh time.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

i know this is weird but have you ever felt really happy and really sad at the same time. like bittersweet kind of feeling but really extreme.

thank god for second chances but i really really have to buck up for uni now. just got back most of my sem exam marks and i dont mean to sound arrogant at all i swear but i really really with all my heart did not expect to screw up this badly. except for stats. which i expected because i really rushed all my syllabus, focusd too much on hypothesis testing etc then realized it wasnt coming out this exams because the lecturer wants to re-teach everything so only the front probability parts came out and i really suck at probability. i really dont blame anyone but myself for stats, i was disappointed but i wasnt super disappointed or sad or discouraged. but maths and econs were the ultimate killer to my heart i know so drama but its true :( i always believed that if i worked hard and smart for that exam then it should reflect on my exam results. and i really did. i actually feel stupid for sacrificing so much of my time while my grandparents were here and had to give up the holiday trip my parents planned, all my dinners and sleeping time to hardcore like crazy for it. if i knew i was going to screw up i might as well screw up to the maximum :( im so discouraged now but i wont sit down and wail and cry because frankly i have got no time to do so. every minute i spend reflecting on how screwed up i was, i waste the time i can spend to catch up on everything that is so rushed up. im actually really scared because my exams are so soon, in may. and cny mood is ruined to the maximum although its the only one thing i look forward to every single year.

i know this spending time complaining about this while im blogging wtf wont help me in any way but i just need to get this out so that i dont die of depression or heart attack or a horrible failure suicidal. and the truth is some people did get A! so if they can i have no idea why i cant. i mean its not like everyone screwed up, if there is at least one person who can get A i dont see why i cant either. and i dont know if this is just a sudden hormone rage or what but i really really feel that US education system suits me so much better. i really hate to be judged on how intellectual i am although im not that intellectual anyway wtf by my grades but this is exactly what my course is doing. US edu system is so diverse and was just talking to alwin the other day and he tells me he does the subject weather for his major in econs! can you believe it!  weather! i would be so happy to learn about the clouds and how it affects the economic system and when is the heaviest rainfall wtf i dont mind at all! and they get to learn languages and sports and singing gives credit hours! i like to learn other things eventhough they wont directly help me for my work in the future except for ridiculous things like integrating trigo or partial derivatives which i find utter bullshit.

i guess there is no point complaining cos its not like i can do anything about it now. but im just very disappointed and upset with everything. and its only the beginning of the year wtf. 

but i got one of the best phone call today so im very very happy about it. and had dinner with xian hui and nick! came back from US and UK so happy to see them! and xh got me this from new york! soo cute! 

so im happy and sad at the same time and im actually really tired too but obviously i cant rest cos i have to solve freaking multipliers that dont make sense to me at all.

i really hope everything works out, fingers crossed about infinity times. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

keep moving forward

may this year be kind to me and may i not meet any assholes along the way!

and more importantly may it be kind to everyone and may all assholes stay together and not ruin kind people's life and may life be kind to all, both kind people and assholes.

be good great 2012!