december :)

its christmas this weekend! so fastttt cant believe its almost the end of the year already! just felt like i was starting my classes in jan and complaining how bullshit is it that classes starts in jan, i thought that only happens in high school lol. and now its december and its already four months since i started my degree! crazy isnt it! im just so scared that one day i'll wake up and im already 70 years old or something.


been sleeping at the oddest hours like 5 in the morning cos my clock broke down TT i have this funny habit of putting my clock 2 hours ahead of the normal time i know wtheck right cos i feel so lazy all the time and i thought if i were to set my time a little ahead i would think omg no time already faster finish all the work now now now then i wont procrastinate and if i were to lack time also then i would feel motivated that i actually have two hours extra :D but now my clock is back to the normal time like everyone's time. sometimes im not used to it but have been getting used to it more and more now and realized i have no idea why i set my clock two hours ahead in the first place TT exams have been crazyyy nearly died due to the lack of sleeep! earliest time ive slept is at 2 omg, cos i feel like if i sleep earlier like got nothing to study meh then tomorrow only regret for not studying more. got this stupid mindset that quantity over quality :( so sleepy now but waiting for my hair to dry so cant sleep zzzz, and thought i shall start maths tomorrow ( champion of procrastination) cos i have one day break woohoo! then exams on thurs and i have break for 10 days! so happpppyyy! eventhough starts school on 3rd jan LIKE EVRYONE ELSE zzzz. initially i thought one week only but when you no longer follow the conventional national school holidays and especially when your uni is in KL and every shit holiday in selangor isnt applicable to you, every public holiday and every break day is like the ultimate gift from God (Y)

screwed up my stats today i didnt know how to do probability :( so hard and this exam is just probability and distribution even the distribution questions look gibberish to me im not surprise if i get shit marks. need to work ass off for the real exams in may, i know may sounds so far but its super fast before i know it tadaaah! may already! and also have been fast at getting angry, ultimate anger management problems. was having lunch today at chillax, i hate the word chillax so much its the most nonsensical word in the world, what the heck is chill and rest man seriously. but anyway was asking the guy whats the set lunch cos usually this place which we seldom go too, cos its damn bloody overpriced but got nice ambience and ashley and the rest of them wanted to study there so fineeee. so when i asked him he gave me a reply, fish and chips rolling his eyes with some stupid sarcastic tone and im like okay if i knew what it was i wouldnt have asked you in the first place right stupid, and how can you expect your customer to know what you serve everyday you think im god meh. ok fine. then i asked him what is in the set lunch? fish chips and anything else? and he gave that stupid tone again, fish, chips, and salad and drink lah! best service ever provided! fucker you are the one working in the restaurant and im your customer and you have no courtesy of even telling me whats in your set lunch and you are so rude. i am NEVER going back there again and just for the record it sucks i can even buy better fish fillet and fry it at home, its just some cheapskate fillet. stupid place. i wrote a super huge complain letter i know i think sometimes im born with the gift of complaining especially when it comes to service area. cant stand slow serviceeeee!

and also on the road especially when drivers drive as if its their grandfather's road. i sound like as if my parents never taught me manners but im so angry! the other day this car just cut into my lane without even signalling at super fast speed when my sisters were in the car too driving like some drunkard. so angry because its so dangerous. sometimes i swear the people who get into accidents isnt because its their fault but because stupid drivers on the road dont know how to be considerate and drive as if they are in fast and furious movie or something. i wont be so angry if it was only me but my sisters were in the car and i cuss all the way home because sooner or later the way he drives is gonna cost someone's life. bloody idiot. so angry omggggg.

im a terrible person :D on a brighter note looking forward to new year! gonna spend the best one week left of 2011 and looking forward to a great year! i think sometimes along the course of life sometimes people change because they experience different things as they grow up and its almost impossible for them to turn back to who they were. some things do make you grow up and you dont percieve the way you look at things like before but i think all these things are inevitable. as long as hearts dont turn bitter and selfish, everything else should be looking pretty sunny in times to come :)

shall blog about the present i got for grandpa after exams! cant wait for exams to be overrr!

badadadadada

okay so my previous post about friday class being cancelled is crushed like a oreo cookie because Help has got no more extra classes/space to accomodate us on thursday evening -____- can die first time i hear this kind of nonsense :(  pushed to friday morning, felt like i was going to die when i heard the news but at least its only 1.5 hours class in the morning so my friday isnt exactly wasted positive thinking i must though im super upset now, short lived dream crushed bagai kaca terhempis ke batu or some peribahasa which i cannot remember :( miss my BM teacher :( :(


and sister is working at the kindy woohoo!good that she is not lazing around at home going on 9GAG, stupid addictive website which im equally guilty of, can earn some money and buy me some nice things also :D :D so nice and they are going for a field trip at sunway petting zoo tmr WTF i also want TT her so called only friend which i totally dont believe its only friend TT (guy) must emphasize on the guy, just called her asking how was her day at work right after she came back OMG SO SWEET RIGHT :") talk and laugh so loud till i can hear from outside think her house only like that no consideration for her sister at all huhu hahaha just kidding :(  shit i really really miss those times.


so anyway! had this fat urge to came home and mop the floor when i was in class, couldnt wait to come home and start moping the floor. crazy psycho urge, only wished that i had that urge to study also. and stats class today was (Y). seriously felt i learned quite a lot of things that my previous lecturer didnt even touch on wtf when this new lecturer taught (he's old and he's really funny) i was what the heck is he talking about like im attending some french class or somehting. then all my classmates asked questions that i have no idea what the heck are they talking about, asking about proofs and theorem and im like omg no need to prove anything just tell me the formula i dont wanna know how it is derived, i know right im the worst kind of student ever :( if this lecturer did not touch on all those things i'll be in the exam hall and i wont even know what the heck is the question asking. it's like going for a war and not knowing how to use the gun or sword or whatever sharp objects to kill your enemie. WHATS THE POINT RIGHT! by the time you wanna use your sharp weapons  all  also die already. though i have no intention to go for war or anything, so scary and sad :( last time watched pearl harbour cried until eyeballs wanna drop. so sad. dont know why people wanna bomb and kill people so much violence is certainly not the absolute resolution :(


and watched breaking dawn too. omg i know this so wtf but cried at the part where jacob came to bella's and edward's wedding :( so bloody sad and touching please, i have no idea why people keep reacting as if it's the worst and most time wasting show in the world, when people asked if i watched it and i said yes they react as if i murdered a whole city or something -_- i watch any movies i like without anyone's consent please, thanks :) i mean im not like a bloody big fan of it but still i didnt think it was a bad movie. there was a story line and i didnt thought it was crappy or senseless or what.


and was reminded about a sermon today about god's deliverance. used to think that god can be mean and make you do things you dont wanna do. like the more you say jesus i want this, the more he will give ypu another thing which you dont like at all. just to test your faith and so called loyalty to him and to test if you are a true christian or not. but was really encouraged that god isnt like that at all. he gives you the desires of your heart, and when His timing is right, His deliverance will come quick and it will not wait. He doesnt need us to beg from Him and He will give it freely and surely full of generousity and love. like fast flowing river and not like the drippings from your tap. Gos is good and He is loving and was just so encouraged by the sermon disc i listened :) yay!


ok shall do work now and probably watch an epsiode of bbt, lolol, sheldon is so funny, but barney is still the best!

everything into one

really really suppose to be studying i swear :( i think even if i studied for 24 hours the next three weeks or so till exam also no time to cover everything lolol its not even funny :(

okay so number one, changed new lecturer! amazinggg! stats lecturer quit, good for him though at first i felt bad and guilty but after realizing he wasted almost ten weeks of lecture i dont feel sorry at all. new lecturer has to re-teach all the topics form stats 1, i learned so much from one class than i did for the past ten weeks of classes so im actually really glad things are turning around for the better! and now no more friday classes! shifted to tuesday and thursday instead isnt it amazing! was so happy so now i have extra one day break eventhough other days are slightly more packed! so anyway im really stressed with work :( i know im slightly ashamed because im not doing medicine or some hardshit course but did that stupid hessler's matrix, nearly died TT

okay planned to blog about singapore but so blooody tired now, and have so much work TT saw this picture, looks top notch but can see so much sadness in his eyes. episode after blair left him for the prince.

sometimes when asked if was angry, i think i missed more than i was angry. and i did every day.

weekend weekend! yay!

spot the perry :)

why hello perry! :)

see you

see you buddy! may US be the best place you've ever been :)

keeping it together

TOMORROW IS SPM! super fast! was in church today and suddenly they were talking about spm and ITS TOMORROW. and then i was suddenly so excited for them. kidding! im sure everyone is panicking their asses off now but i swear with my life i miss spm so so so much :( not the studying like dog part but god i just wanna go back. like for a few minutes also nevermind.

its been 2 years. and sometimes i cant help but to remember every single second of it like a tape playing again and again. dialogues so clear and fresh.

ok no time to emo. work.

last

had the best quality spent lunch time ever!

retarded piece of shit

okay damn alot of work but i need to blog this cos im damn angry.

was having lunch with my sister and mum this afternoon at ikea, okay wait divert story abit, IKEA HAS THIS LAKSA PROMOTION SUPER CHEAP AND SUPER WORTH IT I LOVEEEEEEED IT! eventhough it had two bloody huge prawns staring at me damn disgusting i gave it to my mum and sister, i didnt believe they will give the prawn lor please, everytime they put on the picture different thing serve also different thing so nonsense. so ordered meatballs to backup incase not full hahaha, yes im crass like that (Y) :D

okay so anyway, while we were waiting in the line, my mum was checking her on her phone and didnt notice the line moving. but i bloody swear the line was moving at bloody slow speed. like every 2 mins, you can only move one step. so we didnt bother moving super close to the person in front cos its so crowded already plus move so front for what its not like you can buy the food faster also and we had the food trolley and everyone has some space in between them.

okay and then this retarded asshole behind me, this man and girl, i dont know if they are father daughter or gf bf whatever i dont give a shit, the guy started saying in his stupid voice why isnt she moving forward seriously? like intentional so that we can hear it. but i didnt bother cos we weer so close to the person in front already and then he started whining again like a few times, what is her problem, why isnt she moving, what is she doing in his stupid bloody girl voice like bloody repetitively. and again and again. and he kept saying what is her problem like three times.

i know its pretty unreasonable to be upset over but i swear if you fucking do this to my mum i wont give a fuck who the fuck you are and you can shut the fuck up. i was so angry because

number one, ITS LIKE BLOODY 15CM to move. lesss that that. like one step. WHATS THE POINT? and the woman infront of us had kids and they were running around so let them run la, why do we have to go so near for what.

number two, what difference does it make moving one bloody step its not like you can get your food faster also, its soo cramp already and yet you wanna make everyone even more uncomfortable.

number three, have some fucking balls and ask us in the face to move in front and not whine like bloody sissy girl to your daughter/gf so that i can hear what you wanna say.

number four, his slippers are damn ugly like a bloody cheapskate slipper and i am not surprise he's wearing it cos it suits like fuck.

i turned behind and gave him a glare so hard i swear i never been so angry at a stranger my whole life. if he was saying it to me for not moving forward i can ignore and dont give a shit but he was saying it to my mum, okay not my mum actually cos he has no balls he was saying it to the air and his sissy girlfriend/daughter.

then my sister came and i told her the whole story so loudly she had to say woahh calm down jie so many times cos usually she gets angry and its quite funny now that i think about it. he stopped talking the whole time we queued up. im like good for you you whiny sissy boy.

omg so angry.

sorry so emotional. okay totally released now all anger hatred emotions. so angry i scared myself. never been so angry for sucha long time.

but we got a daim cake so im happy again! and we sat at my fav table at ikea, so nice! so happy :)

ok i found this picture, pls tell me its super touching, cos it was when i saw gossip girl! chuck, i support you, the prince can go die and you deserve to be with blair!

ok need finish accounts now, damn alot of work. need more timeeeee!

a love game

I NEED GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 5.

watched my season four and IT WAS SO SAD. for chuck, he looked so sad i felt like i need to give him a hug which obviously other 900 million girls would want to do too but damn sad TT and damn sad for myself also BECAUSE I SHOULDNT BE WATCHING GOSSIP GIRL NOW. damn alot of homework pls, can die :( its like everytime i finish almost everything then tadaaah! another pile comes up and forever piling until the day i die please. and my mum is a super ahead planner, she told me i should work overseas once next time, im like hello mama i havent even graduate yet and you come and tell me i should work overseas TT

okay so anyway. MY ARTICLE HAS BEEN PUBLISHED! :D :D :D HAHAHA SO HAPPY cos i talked about perry and the editor didnt cut anything out so (Y) first thing i did was to read my own essay like ten times and laugh like a retard cos damn happy la, got perry! :) but they didnt put any platypus picture inside so im abit TT but oh wells!

and happy birthday church! :) its been 2 years since, and changing church is probably one of the best thing that has happened in my life. so happy, and just so blissful. cant wait for the upcoming years of greatness and goodness Jesus has install!

okay my posts are getting boring-er and boring-er but i swear my parents and sisters go out for more dinners than me and their social life is crazily way more exciting than mine, shall see what comes up next then i can post pictures though i have a feeling its gonna be jin's farewell which i do not want to think about at all yes living in denial.

oh wells! next monday is hari raya haji! hols! cant wait! have a great week!

its been 3 years

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BOBBY BOY! :)

the best thing that has happened to our family,( besides the birth of me) hahaha is bobby boy! he's the cutest handsomest cleverest dog ever and i havent upload any current photos of him into the hard disk so i can upload it here but I PROMISE HE IS THE HANDSOMEST! :)

omg i read back every single blog post i blogged about for the past few years and i cant help but to laugh and laugh and ponder how much i have grown lol! like the stuffs that i complained about last time were things like AIYOOOO I CANT DO ADD MATHS :( or shitttttt my mum woke me up in the morning im so upset :( hahaha so funny!

and i really really loved how i made my posts so colorful. like when im angry its all red, when im happy its blue lol! so free please last time! hahaha. and boy was i full of courage last time.when i wanted to say fuck i said fuck. like no filters. no such thing as eff you. or short forms. lol i sound like a freaking gangster. and got disclaimer one. * i know this post is angry and full of swear words bu i swear its only this post. hahahaha omg so funny!

and i said whatever i wanted to say! when im angry i said im angry. i dont say im happy with the fakest grin on my face when im angry which is what i do sometimes now :( omgggg i miss myself! and i sound so emotional in each post and so long my posts and all the nice comments people commented hahaha :)

sigh those were the days and i feel so encouraged by my own posts lol wtf.

so happy. back then and now and forever!

movieee :(

omgggg i need to watch real steel! :( everybody keeps saying its super nice then i dont know what to say cos i havent watch yet then i just emo one side and say nothing and do maths tutorial :( the maths tutorial is fake one i didnt do i just sit in the corner and eat my nasi lemak yumyum!

I WANT TO WATCH REAL STEEL :( or any other movies also can dont care laaa. MOVIE DEPRIVED :(

just spent my whole night doing 2 tutorials for math. liang ke. dua. too confusing and i need alot of time to digesttttt :( slow poke. can faint. havent read my accounts.

but yay! tomorrow class starts at 11, woohoo so happy! got time to sleep in a little longer and read accounts. fake one say just to comfort myself :( NO I WILL READ ACCOUNTS. accounts mode on. tmr morning.

today the caterer uncle gave extra curry chicken! so nice! yumyum! so happy, Jesus bless you caterer uncle! give you 100 perry points!

okay, sleep, wake up and do accounts!

i wanna watch movie :(

and i didnt do a single shit today

rested like a bloody boss today. not like bloody as in covered with blood but literally didnt do anything at all so lazyyyyyyyy. after class went to get slurpee, hanna's fault! hahaha picked up her brother, tapaoed chicken rice, had lunch with eme, showered, slepttttttttt till 6, woke up when jin called to ask for a favor for his visa app, watched tv, had dinner, helped eme's with maths problems, wtheck is circles i hate circles and i will always hate circles -_- and here i am :( so guiltyyyyyyy :( but its not really my fault cos off bloody period. okay this one is bloody. sorry! i know its weird talking about period but. yay!

and guess what! i won tickets to watch in perfect harmony! wohooo! i have no idea what it is actually :( but its like a production musical. giving my tickets to my parents though, i think they deserve it more than me. i think they really want to watch it and they talked about it but they didnt have the time to book it or choose the time esp for night shows cos they are usually full but now since they have the tickets, i guess they dont have a choice but to go! :) so im home alone tomorrow with eme, crystal is at school camp so depressing :( probably head out for dinner or something so that i dont miss my other family members too much :(

was looking through at my kindergarten photos sigh :( all the good times. i think when i was working at kindy it was probably the best time of my life. i was super tired, lol energy draining but i was the happiest person ever. like despite all my tiredness i was really happy inside, every morning i wake up i literally smile for work :) and all the good things back then. and i miss bryan so much! i cant visit him now cos all my classes are in the morning, except monday and friday and i plan to gate crash kindy and kiss him one million times. i dont think he remembers me anymore but he was the cutest most loving boy in kindy for me. and i was certainly bias, yes im a lousy teacher hahaha but he's so cute! some pictures i digged up :)

arranging his pillow, he's so clever isnt he! he chooses the flower pillow because he says its nice. and he likes blue because he says he's a boy. and he takes his own bedsheet and blanket too! hahaha so cute <3

relaxing after arranging his bed although his blanket his messed up so cute :) and milk time!

i think one of the saddest thing in life is when you cant feel what you want to feel. like for example when you are hungry and you wanna say you are hungry, you cant. not because its wrong to say youre hungry or because its a bad thing but its because you just cant. or when you feel like saying something nice to someone or when you genuinely want to say something good, but you cannot. so difficult. i have no idea where people get their will power from. when your heart doesnt go hand in hand with your head.

and of course the other saddest thing is that you have a three hour sadistic statistics lecture on friday and you dont know a single shit your lecturer is saying. i <3 stats.

happy friday yay and happy birthday baby jerome, 1 year old!

and for all the times we had it.

at first

had an exciting week of homework and am sure there is more to come! i swear nerd mode is pretty on, its actually the first time ever in my life i come home and do reading after class. like by myself. like a volunteer. without a single threat and force in the world. okays maybe a little bit of threat because i know if i dont read i'll be lost in class the next day and i wont be able to catch up and i'll waste 3 hours in class doing nothing. hahaha. blackmail wtf.

so this week is suppose to be a real good week because im not quite sure why either. i had a good weekend of shopping stupid sale freaking robbing the shit out of my/my dad's/my mum's wallet. met up with juns and jins. harvested my crops. watched gossip girl. watched phineas and ferb. had good rest. looking forward to jerome's first. settled my math homework. sounds good doesnt it.

and then people say sometimes why are you even wasting your time on stuffs like these, not even worth you or and your time getting upset for. but seriously.

what the fuck is this.

depressing

i think the worst thing that can happen is feeling upset for nothing. seriously.

okay so yesterday i had dinner which was super filling. noodles and coffee. then i saw chatime! but i was so full i cant even drink another drop of water. then at pasar malam i had this dessert, quite nice, and i was too full for laksa. but now im craving for laksa like a dog. and then later i have stats class. 3 hours of anger and nonsense. and then later when i go home my parents wont be around. sisters having exam and sports. so cant even go out for dinner. then im so sleepy. and i have 9498u89739578978976895788793949478 math problem to solve. then i have to understand slutsky and hicksian's theory. then my stats is down the drain. then i feel like watching tv tonight. then im doubting cos my guilt level super high. then later i have to wait for the bus. then it takes about 99 years to come cos its friday. then i forgot to bring my calculator and pencil box. then i dont know how to solve my stats tutorial. then i have no time to continue ranting cos i need to do math now. then i feel bad for complaining cos its nothing serious. then i wanna clean my pokemon cards and frame it up.

then this is life.

better in the future

everytime i update its either im complaining or im complaining. so yes, i officially finished my first three weeks of uni WOOHOO MIRACLE! :D so freaking fast omg, its scaring me too! before i know it, three years liao hahaha yeah i wished -_-

okay so this week is getting hectic. more homework, more notes, more stuffs to digest. and i was down with freaking flu and i nearly died, stupid flu medicine i tell you, arent all flu medicine supposed to make you drowsy -_- APPARENTLY NOT cos i was awake the whole night wtheck and was so freaking tired the whole day and had THREE awesome hours of stats lecture (Y)

math is still pretty okay, BUT I HAVE 8938493849383 maths homework. okay i guess i have no choice since my math is down the drain, so homework is supposedly good for me :( my stats, i have no comments at all, i really have to read up on my own. economics still bearable though things are getting harder already and accounts is still pretty okay but damn alot of homework also.

okay i know i am dreaming too far ahead, but a friend who just flew to LSE told me the campus is holyshit faints. super nice, i saw the pictures and omggggg :( though US will always be the shizz bomb forever and ever US you are forever in my heart (Y). but the campus actually looks really really really nice. ive never been one of those really smart and outstanding students in life. sometimes even below average. okay this is shit emo post because im currently having emo talk with jin whos flying off on the 19th of nov, wtheck so bloody fast :( so emotional turbulence. okay so anyway, yeah even in like life. generally. as in i feel like no matter how kind i am, or how much i work for it, the only things i will get back are always second best things. leftovers. yeahhhh i know right wtheck. life only favours the few.

but that was last time ok. now im totally onz for the best in life. i really hope i get into a top uni, and even if i dont right, i know i worked hard enough for it. i rather work hard and be disappointed than to always wonder if i could have done better. damn philosophical T_T maybe i should take sociology or something -____- it feels good to actually have a goal, i know what im actually doing. like i love checklists. everytime i finish something and cancel it off i feel damn happy, im a freak like that but its true! sense of accomplishment! freak (Y)

i need to start uploading pictures, my blog is so full of words now that im reading it i already feel like sleeping.

study mode onz (Y) say only never do one. BUT MUST DO LA OMG :(

i cannot believe you can actually do this. knew it.

betrayed

omg! second week of uni and its already crazy! i have tons of homework (for math mostly T_T) and i cant believe im actually saying this but i kinda like accounts? :( thank god for accounting background ( I CANT BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS TOO BECAUSE I USED TO HATE ACCOUNTING HUHU :( and holy shit, the accounting im learning now, no need to bloody balance my balance sheet one, OMG SO HAPPPPPPY! i know right, the first time i heard i was are you kiddding me, if you dont freaking balance how can it still be accounting, BUT MY LECTURER SAYS IF YOUR BALANCE SHEET DONT BALANCE ITS OKAYYYY! cos apparently, their rationalization which i so agree with is, in the future when you are working in accounting firms ( though my ambition is to stay at home and watch phineas and ferb with my kids :D) they will have all these accounting softwares that will calculate all your figures for you, so what you need to know more importantly is the concept and and the way the system works. like a boss (Y)

okay then my math is ultimate gg. i cant use to calculator which happens to be god's greatest gift to me so far :( WHAT NONSENSE IS THISSSSSSS UNACCEPTABLE. but yeah im so screwed cos my brains cant even operate basic operations and now YOU SAY NO CALCULATORRRRR? :( but my math lecturer is good, he looks like my grandfather though but he's good! my stats and econs lecturer no comments :(

okayy so everything is pretty okay i hope im not lazy laaaa i swear i do one question walk up walk down play with my dog drink juice talk to my sister sleep wake up do one question and repeat the whole thing again :( my attention span is so shorttttt arghhhh why.and lately the websites i've been surfing most are MAS hahahaha, and also this cafemom website! i love all the articles there, i know im such a freak but they talk about at what age you send your kids to school, or if this is the proper way for you to carry your baby lol! so funny and so true at the same time. and MAS. omgggg, and airasia. so many cheap promos, and since im having three months break in june next year which im so excited about, KARMUN IS COMING BACK YAYAYAYAAYAYA! SO EXCITINGGG! <3

have to work my ass offf so that i dont screw up and not worry through out the entire 3 months of holiday and die of worry hahaha what nonsense is this :(

and also, i found out another thing i really like! you know how when you actually take the effort to text people and they dont reply you? okay i dont really mind, cos maybe they are busy, or maybe they're sleeping or maybe they're out so its completely fine. but the thing is, you see them online on fb/twitter whatever stuffs and even commenting on other things when you are expecting for their reply! so awesome aint it! so much for taking the effort eh! life is good all the time.

life.

okay i swear i really need to draw my graphs now.

wooohoo uni!

ok im not that excited about uni actually. I KNOW RIGHT, WHY AM I NOT EXCITED :( cos everyone keeps saying its really hard and can die and i have to break up with phineas and ferb and farmville once i start my degree :( okayy so orientation was. complicated. i have to do two applications, one under Help and one under Uni of London, so its two apps. the app for london is complicated shizz i dunno what they want with all their forms and because they use terms like GCE and whatever UK exams terms, so i dunno what does SPM fall under and my foundation falls under too T_T okayy i shall ask the reception uncle tomorrow i think he hates me lool cos i had to collect my offer letter today and there were so many people and i just said loudly, hulllo mr chia! can i collect my offer letter thank you! and everyone else who were queuing up were like heyy we came first! im the baus (Y) eh please la i tell you sometimes these kinda people piss me off. they just crowd around the reception table and talk to each other wtheck got no other place to talk ah, then waste my time only and still wanna complain that i cut their queue. you quickly tell the uncle what you want and he will get it for you la T_T

and i just realized all my lectures are 3 hours! i dont know if that is a norm in uni or what BUT WTHECK 3HOURS? holy shit i used to complain about 1.5 hours lecture cos i was so sleepy all the time but now ITS DOUBLE :( just had the first taste of accounting lecture today, 3 hours and i nearly died! my attention span is only freaking 5 minutes, to survive 1.5 hours is already a miracle but 3 hours is just T_T i have mathematics lecture tmr omg, 3 hours also, can faint :( freaking maths ahh omg :(

and speaking about math, I GOT A HD FOR MY STATS HAHAHAA :D Jesus is so good really, i can say that NONE of it would be possible without Jesus, He is so good to me. i was on the midst of dying in stats, i was so scared that i screwed up my finals cos i honestly didnt know wtheck i did. and a D for my calculus hehehe so happy, cos my calculus sucks and as long as i dont get a C or a P i will be jumping for joy already. macro was crap, only got a C so sad :( means im not discerning and i dont use my brains enough i think macro pulled down my cgpa T_T but Jesus is so good, so thank you Jesus! :)

and throat inflammation is healed thank God! walao the last few days were shit man cant eat cant sleep, breathe also hurts, my whole chest hurt like crap :( i googled (thank God for the power of Google) and apparently its caused by the anti-biotics im taking due to the stupid skin infection which IS ALSO GONE WOOHOO! but i have to finish it stupid shit, and apparently its because i have to eat something before i take it, which i didnt :( and so tadaah! some stuffs about reflux and i stopped reading, and all i did was to pray and it was gone in the morning! thank you Jesus, you are so good!

hahaha my dog is scared of cockroach omg so cute! me too, so disgusting :( the uni prospectus says this course is for you if you are ready to work hard with all your might and strength and full discipline.

ok i think i might have to re-consider that :P

sorry ignored!

WALAO. just realized i havent blog for shit ages T_T AND I KNOW WHO TO BLAME. TWITTER. ever since i re-activated my twitter account, last time i had one then i stopped cos i dont know what to update T_T AND NOW TWITTER IS THE BOMB. just one sentence only, no need to say long long or tell perry stories, hehehe perry so cute! i swear got 90000 people asking me whos perry already, i guess they dont know this thing called GOOGLE T_T. hahaha!

panic attack! gonna get back results this friday DAMN FAST. i tell you the more i think i about it the more i want to die. for macro i totally dont understand a single shit thing he asked. ok maybe i did, but i dont even know what answer i wrote. haha my lecturer is really good, perhaps too good! he says we have to be discerning and we have to think beyond the book and need lots of application, SO CONFIRM I AM NOT A DISCERNING PERSON, CANNOT THINK BEYOND THE BOOK AND DONT KNOW HOW TO APPLY ANY SHIT IN MY LIFE :( and i got a freaking credit for critical thinking last semester, WHICH PROVES I CANT THINK EITHER. but its ok that one i not so sad cos it was a bullshit subject eventhough my lecturer was good, its more like memorizing bullshit than to help me think critically. if they actually thought me how to think, i would be quite happy, but they didnt. had to draw diagrams about arguments, WHAT THE PERRY? seriously man. but oh wells, at least i picked up some stuffs about fallacy and media and pseudoscience which was kinda interesting.

OK SO ANYWAY. omgggg fridayyyyy howwwwww. calculus and macro and stats, i wanna slit my wrists. ok im kinda aiming for distinction, i hope all goes well. if i freaking get a fail or just a pass, i might kill myself. NO I WILL KILL MYSELF. you know how those people on the news trace back people who commit suicide and they post all these suicidal things on their twitter and facebook and blog hahaha. ok its not even funny, im crossing every single part of organ in my body that everything goes well :(

been so busy this hols, watched smurfs and planet of the apes! awesome shizzz! and been catching up on himym and gossip girl and dexter (Y) and i finished four books hahahaha im a freak (Y). i think by the end of sept i can count my friends with my fingers. depressing shit, the thing about having smart friends is that they tend to always leave you because their brains are too awesome for malaysia :( its not even sept and so many people are gone already, AND NO having smart friends does not mean im smart what kinda of a theory is that seriously. i think when sept comes i will die :( but glad quality time was spent and glad that i could spend time with people who came back from all the different awesome parts of the world and hearing all their crazy stories lol.

AND HUHU :( gonna hope for a smooth start in degree, YES I FINALLY DECIDED ON MY DEGREE. apparently its really hardcore shit hard, because a friend who was in the same accounting class as me in my second sem, came in one intake earlier whos doing the degree now, says ITS DAMN HARD AND IF YOU MISS ONE CLASS YOU WILL DIE BECAUSE ITS SO HARD TO CATCH UP and i believe in everything he says because he's one of the smart people that always ask questions in accounting class that i dont even know what the heck is he asking, too advance for me. so if he says ITS HARD THEN HOW FOR MEEEE :(

walaoz. im really trying to have all the faith in my heart and believe that i can do it. okay just incase you wonder what hardcore shit degree is this, its only accounting and finance hahaha wtf. people always ask wahh nat you doing medicine ah? you doing engineering ah? haha no its only a&f. okay provided i dont fail my stats, macro and calculus and kill myself, ill most probably be doing this degree ARGHHHH. its a UOL degree, and they freaking twin with LSE not really dream school BUT STILL, the chances of going there is like 0.0000001 percent. okay im really trying to have faith in myself because everyone is so discouraging :( EVEN MY FRIEND IN ALEVELS got rejected because they gave some crappy reason which i forgot was what AND SHE GOT STRAIGHT A'S T_T.

all these genius shit people from around the world with bloody calculator brains :( CANNOT USE CALCULATOR APPARENTLY WHILE DOING GAUSS JORDAN walao wtheck i will die :( :( really hope all goes well, and hope my last holiday to spore before everything starts to boost my kiasu-ness will do some good :( one good thing is that THEY HAVE THREE MONTHS BREAK YAY! thats the first thing i asked the counselor, whens my break hahaha! yes baby i was born this way (Y) gonna plan for bloody perth trip which is supposed to happen this week actually argh and also canada woohoo! if all goes well and if i havent died halfway while doing this course.

okkk, gotta get a grip and watch some phineas and ferb (Y). waseh im so sorry for all the negativity in this post, please dont be discouraged, whoever reads my blog must be really awesome and clever! :)

days like these

i usually have swear quotas so that i dont exceed saying the f word, or so that it doesnt become a norm to me like how cussing is as if you're drinking water.

i think swear words are useful especially in times when you wanna express your anger or your rage, although i dont agree with the usage of it completely.

but seriously lol, i dont really care if your perception changes towards me if im rude or ignorant or spoilt and stupid. i just dont have those big vocab like how people always blog when they are upset. just because some people have better ways to filter it, unfortunately i dont. sigh sorry! i only have four words to sum it up though, short and easy to understand.

fuck you for doing this.

in the bones

supposed to be studying macro and stats, but ended up napping way too long in the afternoon after watching gossip girl. dieeee. im so relaxed this sem, im so screwed damn it :(

ironic that the first call i got was from a good friend in the states and the first card i received was from a close friend in aust :) life. they always say good friends come in quality, and thats true :)

ex best friends, and an ex. will not spill much, too vulnerable and open.

and seriously, im not going all the way down to college on a sunday for a 2 hour practise which half an hour will be spent dilly-dallying and others for nonsensical things, its just irrelevant and completely bullshit. done being there when the rest of the whole group isnt, its amazing how selfish people can be. eventhough im being selfish now -_- but thats not the point.

the point is im super sleepy, and im so screwed for macro and stats :( argh.

ultimate

weird. im gonna admit it, i think im really really weird. im really trying to stay at the same frequency as how old i am, but OMG PERRY IS KILLING ME :( i should be watching cnn and bloomberg and reading new york times, omg i read new york times for a short while i was online then phineas and ferb loaded and i got distracted :(

how now. im such a freakazoid :( BUT ITS OKAY IM SUPER HAPPY! :D you know, i used to be so happy last time. yeah i know im emphasizing on the word used. like nothing could bring me down, maybe except add math and accounts lol. sigh. but you know what, i think i found back the missing part of me, and although it isnt exactly all complete i think after so long, i found it back :)

perrrrrry :( got a perry mirror and a perry cellphone strap! thanks jie jo! <3 so happy la omg :'( can cry.

sucks tmr classes only start at one, but gotta revise freaking macro

followed perry on twitter! lol question of the week: is perry your boyfriend? :D

haha no lol, he's a platypus and he's a cartoon character, but he's really handsome and awesome! :D

the thing is

sometimes we have so many things to say but we just dont know how to say it. and whether if we should.

.

always wished i was more artistic, but thank God for pictures.

watched a perry video today, really cheered me up :)

max tired.

emotions

I cant believe im actually going to blog about this but this is one crappy lifehouse/the script emo nights even my ipod is against me, I shuffled it ten times and ten times either script will play or lifehouse will play I hate cos it ruins my sleep and my appetite to eat when I know im so hungry. my mum says she’ll have to be with me the whole time during my pregnancy cos she says im too emotional and she says when people get pregnant their emotions level multiplies by ten times, so she cant imagine how I would be when I am, if im even gonna be cos I don’t think I can ever bare the pain of childbirth thank god for epidural snifffffs. okay this is suppose to be the happiest day after 7 weeks of classes because midterms were over yesterday and I have two days of break yay! when you’re in college every day of break counts I don’t know how im gonna survive when working people have only fourteen days of annual leave god :( so anyway I thought I would spend my day catching up on all my series which is sucha bad idea because.

first I was so excited about perry, and I loaded it all on youtube and I started watching one by one. and it was kinda funny and sad some of the episodes and my sister wasn’t around so there was no one to comment and laugh together with me and I was all emo because I realized no one actually watches phineas and ferb at my age L everyone goes crazy about stuffs like glee and himym and bbt but nobody does about phineas and ferb and I was emo cos I thought I should maybe grow up and stop all these nonsense. but I really like perry and thus emo L the worst thing on earth is probably not have anyone share the passion you have about something but yourself. so sad L so I thought fine maybe I should just watch something more grown up and what people at my age would watch and I continued gossip girl season three and there was where all the drama began.

was watching this episode where dorota and vanya got married, and omg I just cried my eyeballs out. I cant remember how long I sat down there probably 40 mins because one episode is about 40 mins and i was so happy for dorota and vanya when they got married. they so deserve it, and its probably the highlight of gossip girl for me, so so so happy for them. the happiness they have and esp that im a sucker for kids and weddings and people who are happy, and when chuck and blair broke up. I think I died. I think blair is funny and so evil in the show at the same time, shes so great with words and when she was taking the whole break up thing with chuck for a moment there I actually felt her sadness I know Im so overreacting but its true L I don’t even know why im so upset about it its not me breaking up with chuck also, but yeah L

okayy then I thought fine maybe its just those period syndrome and suddenly she’s got you high started playing and I thought hey maybe I should watch 500 days of summer! saddest show in the entire world and I ended up crying even more like bobby just died or something. so I went down and talked to bobby and told him how much I love him and I remembered my sister telling me about her friend’s dog who before he passed away ran away from home, and then they went out looking for him. then suddenly my sister’s friend who was staying home waiting for him to come home while others looked for him saw him opposite the house underneath the tree. and his eyes were closed already, and he was facing the house looking into the house just diagonally opposite the house. apparently when dogs want to leave, they don’t do it in the house because they are afraid you’ll be upset by them leaving. and he was so reluctant to leave them because he was facing the house and when I heard that story my eyeballs just literally popped because it was so sad! I told bob if he is ever gonna leave he’s gonna leave us in the house and not run away to some other place, he’s our family, he’s gonna be in all our family shootings and wedding photos and etc L

sister came back and we watched some phineas and ferb. then after that we thought we would go out for some shopping since she needed to get some stuffs, we had bubble tea but didn’t die eventhough they say got carcinogen, and bought lots of stuff we don’t need but want L sorry mum and dad! but the shopping did some good because it cured some sadness. what to do when you have daughters as children L

then while we were eating suddenly we saw this guy from our school, now I really hope nobody reads my blog damn it, and I thought he was still the same old hot looking guy which he was back in high school, proves that my taste rocks please, but my sister was nononono where got hot la jie what taste you have in guys. ahhhh so hot damn it my sister’s eyes got prob, and when he smiled my sister gave the whole errr what look but I thought damn sweet lor pls L but anyways, after all the jumping around and grinning arguing with her I came home and started to go thru all the past year school magazines and got emo again L I wished I was either more active/involved in clubs and activities, and in ed board or be one of those super naughty kids who don’t listen to teachers/skip class go partayy/don’t do work but still get awesome results students :D I didn’t leave any impact in my school la damn it. should have left as a legend haha :D

then I saw my books and test papers and the biggest worry I had in high school was how I was never gonna get an A for bio or accounts and how add math was going to be the death of me and log used to drive me nuts but now that im doing calculus log is my best friend L and the saddest thing that would happen would be having to sleep late to study which I cant believe im freaking saying this now but I miss it L I wouldn’t mind doing it now everyday because the worst thing then is the best thing in life now then my sister said when we look back to who we are now we’ll laugh our ass off cos we have bigger stuff like house loans and credit cards and how im not gonna spoil my nephews and nieces in the future, what a sister.

then I got emo because my mum said cannot buy ice cream cos I was coughing but I swear it was only a little so no ice cream so sad L world is against me. okays shall sleep now hope tomorrow will be better! J since its happy Friday! J

cant believe I just typed so much bullshit.

self discovery

you know how they always say when you are happy i am happy too?

self discovery, it doesnt apply to me

i sound like a selfish bitter person, but im so glad i discovered it. really.

if not now, when

it has been a busy week, so much things to rush through and so much catching up to do on work because everything is so lagged. had wonderful dinner with elyas boy yesterday, he's such a clever, loving and wonderful 4 year old :) we had mashed potatoes, and sausages, and fried rice, macaroni, and so much food :) and the funny thing is haflway while we were eating, he asked me to write his name on the paper cup, and i asked him what else did he want me to write, and he said, can you draw a heart for me and write my mummy's name inside? :) and subsequently after that he asked me to draw three more hearts, one for daddy, jemmi, and esais with their names on it :) so cute :) he's going to grow up into one loving boy, cant wait for him to grow up :)

and i submitted my essay for my college yearbook and magazine, and i dont think i have been more encouraged in so long by the reply i got back :) my lecturer replied my email and she said i can write really well, and it was very cohesive, and now im gonna write one more article for the upcoming issue :) encouragement does wonders and its great to have somebody believe in you, and especially for someone to believe in you in the things that you want to do great in :) and so today when someone told me nat, you say youre awesome and you can do it so frequently that it doesnt mean much anymore cos youre saying it to everyone. but you know what, youre wrong :) when i say youre awesome or youre really clever or you can do it, i mean with all my heart than anyone could know. if i cannot mean it with all my heart, i'll just say i hope to hear good news from you, all the best :) its not that i have the rights to judge whether you can do it well or not, but its hard for me to give my highest hopes because as much as im cruel to not give my highest hopes, it would be even more cruel to give someone what i dont mean and say what i dont mean either.

made 2 wonderful discoveries! people who i thought were generally nice, turned out to be not so nice after all. you know how when someone jokes, there has to be a limit to it because really, no one wants an offensive joke? yeahh, im not angry or disappointed or anything, but im so glad i discovered it! like after all these times, and i always thought yeah they are so nice, and i wished everyone were as nice as them, but you know what, im glad i dont anymore. amazing discovery of how people you thought you knew so well, isnt what you know after all. and second, amazon! been going to amazon a lot lately, really bad :( saw a perry messenger bag, and i want it so badly! but its too ex, its 20usd and 10usd for shipping, too ex :( bad thing about this website is that they are all ex after you convert them, and you need someone thats staying in the States to get it for you, so then it will be cheaper :(

ahh so much calculus to do, i dont think i did so well in quiz. wednesday is judgement day and i hope i can finish memorizing all the formula by sat. cant wait for mid terms to finish. got my gossip girl, grey, and dexter waiting for me, so tempted but i shall not since summer is coming and all production stops then, so gotta divide equally all the episodes i have. been watching lots of burn notice too, this is bad :(

and im braces free! :) :) so happy :)

have a good weekend! dont think i ever felt like my week was so long, but it is. but got so much work, so i'll be drained out by the end of the day.

weekends are the best :)

i say what i like

lol i thought of privatizing my blog because i feel like i say too much things here which i feel like i shouldnt say, like telling the whole world yeahhh this is my weak point, please come and take me down! or im having an emotional breakdown now, please come and intrude into my life awesome stranger! haha okay not funny, but then i realised i dont have to! cos nobody reads my blog, and im actually pretty happy about it hahaha, i can say anything i want (sort of) hahaha yay!

i've been inserting alot of swear words while blogging, and i know, people's general perception is that people who swear are not very nice etc. i mean i dont swear and say the f word like drinking water, but i dont see any fault of saying swear words when i need to express something out. i know it sounds so hypocritical (is there even such a word) like wahh youre altering the rules just because you cant follow it, but i dont think i swear that much (unless stupid and what the counts) unless im super pissed about something and there are no words to express my anger. when i start swearing, my anger level is 18039378947893 infinity. i know right, im pretty crazy, im scared of myself too sometimes :D no really -_-

anyway this is pretty random, but. i dont really say sorry much unless i mean it. i mean most of the time i give in eventhough its not my fault just for the sake of making peace and not give a shit anymore, but i realised that it isnt quite the right way. i mean im not saying that saying sorry is wrong, but even when you say sorry to make peace, you gotta mean your sorrys. i think saying sorry is pretty easy, unless you are an egoist, but if you dont mean it, then dont say it. and by meaning it, i dont mean by having the remorse, but to want to make up to the person you hurt. anyone can say sorry, but the thing is, the person who got hurt deserves more than an apology or someone that is generally very good with the word sorry and not mean a thing. being sorry means not wanting to ever do it again because of the hurt and pain you cause someone, and not just for the sake of brushing of the guilt from your shoulders. so really, know what you say sorry for, because sorry isnt a word to put things right into place after causing damage that probably might or might not be fixed.

okayyyy, today is deep from the heart matter day lol im freaking out myself. so much work to do. and so stressed :(

thank you for being here, eventhough you might not even know it, eventhough youre half a world away :)

trying to get

all my shit together, i dont think i have slacked so much for the past year, the thought of me slacking is literally in my head every second and the guilt is about to explode anytime i swear. god, why am i so lazy :( i've got so much shit to do, and i dont even know wth i've been doing in front of the computer for the past 3 hours. been sleeping super early too, not maximizing my day enough, ultimate bullshit.

anyway, i stumbled across this article http://videogum.com/241512/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-500-days-of-summer/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/ i seriously went wtf at this author. i was so pissed when i read it, on how insensitive this gabe author is on this movie. he/she i dont know what gender this absurd author is and i dont give a shit, but ( lets just pretend she is a 'she') her points are baseless and full of crap. first of all, i dont think she even watches that much of a movie to nominate 500 days of summer as the worst movie of all time, seriously man. the happening? what bullshit show was that? there are tons of other stupid movies out there like the whole scary movie chain, and i doubt how much she actually goes to the cinema. and wth is wrong with working in a card making company? and what is wrong with tom saying he hopes to meet the one and settle down one day, WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT? stupid critic, does she not want to settle down either, unless she's some bitter idiotic person who does not believe in getting married but that doesnt mean she should insult it grrrr. and seriously wth is wrong with tom and summer liking the smiths? is she so anti the smiths or did she date one of the band members of the smiths before and things got ugly or what. of course i can believe that both of them do like the smith, so what, everyone who shares common interest is lying la is it -_________-

omg im so freaking pissed right now. yeahp, i cannot take people insulting things i love especially if they're reasonings are all bullshit, even if the whole world says it sucks, im gonna stick by it, i think once i believe that something is worth enough to love and worth fighting for, that believe isnt gonna change. like in general, not only about 500 days of summer lol wtf.

have to finish stupid articles and my stupid sim card isnt working, bloody maxis! be more efficient please my god, sent it there this morning until now also havent work yet wth man, i cant stand inefficient people! kk chillings :)

kayyyy, stats zzzzzzz :( have a wonderful weekend everyone, while i freaking tabulate datas which i dont give a shit about -_-

she's got you high

and you dont even know yet :) -500 days of summer soundtrack;

im sort of early for my macro class today wooohoo! happy! :) thats because all macro classes are at 830 :( and its so early :( and today im pretty early, i reached at 835? :p hahaha yay! but it was tutorials and im freaking out for macro quiz this sat! :( i hope gdp will be kind to me :( need to revise macro already, noooo time :( i know right, got time to blog, no time to macro, hahaha oh baby i was born this way :D

im gonna blog about my successful market outing with my mum lol wtf, it was a freaking success, though i doubt i would ever be going to the morning market in the future by myself, because, its too early! omg by the time i wake up, it will probably be noon :p and i dont know how to freaking converse in cantonese! my mum was getting ingredients for soup, and she needed some chicken parts which i still dont know what is it yet until now, zzzz im probably gonna get chicken fillet or fish fillet from cold storage next time if i need to cook them, my mum said poor husband and kids and she hopes i have an understanding mother in law wtf lol :( i cannot imagine slaughtering a chicken, yeah i know im such a chicken, i'll probably cry and convert into a vegetarian after that.

and i bought the best soya bean at ss2! :D so happy! the place there is usually so crowded and so packed, and if you get to buy the soya bean, its like major success to me! if you get to buy the tao foo fa, its success beyond comprehension, cos there is probably 1009 people queuing up, and guess whatt! i bought both! and i was the last customer that the uncle sold his tao foo fa to! hahahahaha! :D so happy! i know i get happy for the silliest stuffs, but hahaha yay! but he was kinda mean to the uncle next to me cos the uncle asked if there were any more tao foo fa, and the uncle who sold it said you want you come tomorrow la and gave this face -_-. poor uncle who wanted to but them! :(

dont bother making space for people who dont wanna stay :)

okiess, have to get back to moral, my god i have quiz later. moral is such a stewpid subject arghh! its ridiculous and so unmoral, i dont even know how it makes a moral person, arghhhh such a waste of my time, and its 4-530 summore omg massive jam and massive people going home can die :( emo!

and thank you aunty bonita, that was a pretty good awakening bonding session for 20 mins :)

when the devil throws lemons at you, God himself will make lemonades for you, amen :)

cant wait for the weekend to finish my two way overdue articles for magazine, and zzzz ! :)

500 days

of summer :)

okay initially i thought it was a movie about summer as in the season summer, but it didnt make sense, cos where got such thing as 500 days of summer? theres only 365 days in a year, whole year summer? that would kinda be like in malaysia, but the reviews and rating given were pretty high, so i highly doubt it was a malaysian made movie, and so tada! the girl in the movie itself is called summer, and so they talked about the relationship between her and tom, he's so heart melting :'( :'(

i never thought i would find a movie that would describe my feelings at that moment. like for example, when i was watching fast 5, i felt sleepy, but the movie was so bang bang boom and had no sleepiness feeling at all. or when i was watching mulan 2 the other day at home, i was worried about calculus and the movie was about war, so i have no idea how it relates to calculus :/ the only time i had a relation to a movie was when i watched meet the robinsons when i screwed up accounts in high school spm trials :D its not a happy thing, but yay to meet the robinsons!

you know how sometimes when you watch a movie you feel like you're a part of the movie itself? like you see yourself inside the movie and how the character is so similar to you? well that only happens in a few parts for me, or like maybe one or two, but i swear this movie was seriously playing like my life, literally my life. maybe except the sex part and the working part and getting drunk in the bar part. okay maybe not EVERYTHING, but most of it.

and the quotes in there and the things they speak about and the places they went, okay you shall watch it yourself if you wanna find out :) like my heart was going to burst. okay it did kinda burst and so did my tear gland, its damn sad la okay! eventhough it was a happy scene, i dont know if it was a happy or sad scene to me, but i think it was more sad than happy? :(

overall im realy glad im watching it at the right time, and im so happy i did! :D it was a brilliant movie for me, i think if i watched it any other days it wouldnt have so much impact on me :) its the bomb im so happy, eventhough my eyes are swollen like crazy, i have to stop being so emotional about movies and books i just cant help it :(

been sleeping so early and not doing anything, i feel so guilty :( but sleep is essential, happy friday everyone!

watch 500 days of summer! :D

one of those

everyday when i leave the house for college the one thing i look forward to no matter how sleepy or tired or cranky i am is that, i get to come home soon :)

if there was one thing i wish i was really good at,

the pen is mightier than the sword.

okies, i planned to start with a really deep quote and sound all like an author in this whole post haha wtf, but nahh, i cant keep up, cos all the las and wth and seriously man will start popping out :D if there was one thing i always hoped i would be really good at, it would be to write. i mean, i would want other things too, like, be musically inclined, or be really artistic, draw nice buildings or dresses like how i see everyone else does it zzzzz, cook like a pro, jealous to the max, but as much as those are good, i would prefer to have a wider vocab and write better.

but unfortunately i dont. if i were to spend my time reading some really sophisticated essay, i think i would probably spend half the time being awed by it without knowing what the writer is trying to convey :( i really really envy people who can write well, getting their message conveyed in the most attracting way. like it leaves an impact for readers who read them and wanting more and more it of it.

i think generally if a person can write well, they can express their feelings better too. like for example, when my mum asks how was the exam, my standard answer would be, okayla. but seriously right, wth is okayla? -_- she might as well not ask me because it doesnt tell her anything. difficult, easy, killer? or when people ask what do you think of the movie nat? i would probably say, okayla, not bad, got hot actor/no hot actor. so shallow. sometimes, i feel like when people ask me, they might as well read the movie reviews -_-

thats probably one of the reasons why i really love reading. uh no, not my text books, bloody hell which reminds me of my calculus work damn it :( i think im starting to regret taking calculus, because seriously wth. its like digging my own grave and inviting everyone else to dance on it after that -_- i freaking hated add math, but tadah here i am counting the rate of change! okies anyway, screw it shall resolve it laters zzz. back to the point about reading. everytime i read any novels or stories or articles, even all those gossip magazines :p, i feel like they help me to convey what i feel or what i want to say. its an avenue for me to read what i wanna say out. crazy right, i dont even think it makes sense, but reading any novels or stories which have words to cater what i wanna say makes me so, happy :) hate all these good authors who can write and express what they want to describe :( i wouldnt mind spending the whole day at a bookshop :)

i secretly dream of going to prestigious unis like missouri, or yale, and be amongst all the genuinely good writers, that would make me so, uhm i dont know the right words to say it, see get my point?! :( like maybe, at ease and contented? :) i dont see it in reality, but i would wanna go there one day as a non-student, and soak in all the beautiful words that i would never dream or imagine or writing myself :)

Im Chuck Bass

even Europeans must know what that means.

i've been watching too much gossip girl lately which i should stop already argghh but its just too nice :( and i think chuck is one character in the series who always gives me goosebumps and makes me think a lot about, i know right wth :( i cant believe im analyzing a character, seriously :( but i do find him really appealing and mind boggling and so darn attractive. although in the first season and second season i didnt had a sense of liking for him and i actually found him freakishly weird because he always had this evil/rapist/im a ghost look. now that im watching the third season, he is so. i dont know how to put it :( he still has his old habits of being snobbish and egoistic and cool, but there is something in him that changed and that change is so right.

i never understood why people always say i just dont think i can let you into my life because i love you too much and i cant afford to hurt you, especially in all those chinese dramas or even movies, and i'll always wth is this woman's/man's problem, is she blind, gay or just stupid -____- but now that i see chuck's character, i can absolutely relate to it. like how he always pushes people away, because he just cant risk meddling with his feelings. like it is a risk and huge gamble to take, because once you let someone into your life, you're allowing whoever it is, to be a part of everything you are. and sometimes that is just the risk people are not willing to allow happen, as much as the fun can go on, remorse has an equal chance of being involved too.

but im glad chuck did let blair come in eventhough he was reluctant in the beginning. i guess it reminds me that sometimes risks helps us to understand that although things might go bad, you'll only know what happens if you take it. and with just the right amount of balance, damage can be minimized, and we dont have to be stuck in the lifestyle we were brought up in, because we all have a choice to choose who we really want to be.

okay although it might sound crapish and ridiculous, that is what I feel la okay. stupid gossip girl taking up all my time :( had the best afternoon nap for so long because it was raining and yay! so niceeee! i thought it was 7 when i woke up but it was only 5, and stupid raining season only coming in when college has started seriously man :( but its okay, i shall be try being happy knowing that there is always a possibility is will rain at night and i can enjoy the cool weather too! yay! :)

i hope all goes well this semester although all my subjects are calculations based, hoping for the best, and everything shall be alright :)

for now. and the days to come :)

we think you're a joke

the kind of feeling when holidays are over and reality hits you in the head that classes will commence and results of all the labor you've put in for the last four months will finally be known.

the kind of feeling when you thought you progressed well enough and you've made advancement and that you've already moved forward to better things ahead. the feeling that you thought you did and when the past comes back to haunt you telling you that you've been standing on the same spot the whole time, not moving an inch.

the kind of feeling when you really want to fix things and help yourself feel better knowing that you cannot feel like this any longer because you dont wanna look back regretting not maximising the best you had when you were younger only to regret later on when you dont have the opportunity anymore.

the kind of feeling when it hurts but there is no instant cure to it like how a panadol can cure a headache in an hour just like how it just did to mine.

the kind of feeling when you know that your head is telling you the right thing but your heart keeps telling you the opposite and you are torn between two directions and not at ease.

the kind of feeling when you know you did your best and if anyone ones to be a part of you, they will give everything to be a part of it, regardless how difficult it is because nothing is too difficult for them.

the kind of feeling when you know this is the last time you ever want to feel like this, because it not only robs a part of you, it robs your soul and everything you believed in.

no, it isnt a hyperbole.