Tuesday, January 28, 2014


tomorrow night, I will be on the way home to Penang. ah home :) home where my heart is ever flowing with joy!

just lately I feel like too many things have been happening and I am updating in such short spans of time, talking about from MIA-ing for a year to updating in a day?!! ah reciprocation. Such a terrible state to not be in. Is it wrong to want it? To yearn for it? Is it less sincere if we want to be reciprocated in a way that when we do something for others we want something back in return?

Sometimes I feel like it isn't so much about returning the favor in a different form, but more of like feeling appreciated. I think it is just nice to be appreciated. To know that your good works is loved and impacted in another's life. I think that is all that is asked. And perhaps to be loved in return as well. But then is earned love not love in the first place? If we have to earn our love, isn't love then a gift for our merits? And if we do not do enough, will our love be lost and never be spoken again?

And so maybe we don't do things to be loved, we do things for another because we love. Because if we do things to be loved, there is bound to be disappointment. But I think the best kind of love is the one where we do something for the ones we love, and they reciprocate back because they love us, not because of our works but just because they simply love us. And when one reciprocates back and it repeats infinitely, love is indefinite. Life is indefinite. 

If I can say what love means to me, it is simply this-We love because He first loved us. I don't think our human love can ever measure up to the unconditional love of my Father in Heaven. He is ever so loving, ever so gracious, ever so my Dad. He painted the skies but He chose to hold my heart close to His. I am so grateful that even when my own failures and selfishness overtakes me, I am so secured in His unchanging love. I can never measure up to His love ever, but knowing and experiencing His love, I can love not from my own strength but His. 

To love and to be loved back is the most blissful thing one can ever ask for

Sunday, January 26, 2014

whats new

unfortunately I find it so hard to keep updating all the time because of time constraint but I really love writing down things because it really is like the textbook of my life. 2014 has been nothing but amazing so far even though it has only been few weeks into the new year! Singapore was amazeballs as always, people coming back from Aussieland and US, dinner, celebrations, and many gatherings and laughter.

If there was one thing I want to do this New Year, that would be to really have the courage to cut out things that does not benefit my life and to be bolder in all my decision making knowing that my principalities are to never be compromised. I think I am never one who voices out many things which may hurt or if there was ever a conflict, I would prefer no confrontation from my side. People often say that is just a very good nature, to always be accommodating, but most of the time I think I am just a plain coward.

So my new year reso, eventhough I never believed in reso coz I just think its full of shit that we need to have a new year to have new starts, is to care less of other people's selfish interest but instead to invest more in my own opinions and thoughts. Also been feeling like I do not need anyone's approval to live my own life, rebellious kao right haha,  but this is the breakthrough I really need. I really enjoy staying home and having alone time lately, I really have love just staying in my room and spending time by myself. I find no need to go out to find fun and joy, and I love the peace in my own confined space, hope I am not becoming anti social wtf.


back to four essays which I have been contemplating to do since Friday,