chilling (:

heya! lol went out with steph the crazy best friend today!

go away crystal! she's mine! ;)

hahah its been rlly long since we went out. but nevertheless it was awesome!

at starbucks

chee foong contaminated my pin! nonsense!.

hahaha we decided to watch quantum of solace. haha. its not as bad as they say laaa. they say until like damn teruk the movie but it was pretty awesome. though i dont really get it but yeahps it was great! lots of oiling stuff and selling countries stuff but the fighting scenes are still pretty good! :D

haha later then we headed to cold storage cos steph needed to get stuff for her bakery things so yeah laa. found all the stuff and seriously the stuff there damn pricey ==''

blah blah. we walked around and do what girls love to do. hehh. shopping! :D :D :D

yeahh we both bought the same shirt =='' you have no idea how many times we tried all the shirts in the shop. i think the clothes person thinks we are crazy ==''

steph took the best. while i took the friend. so its best friends! hahaha. yeahh we took damn long to decide also. hahaha

bought some stuff and had amazing fun!

shirt- rm 30

necklace- rm 30

movie-rm 51 ( including kai ma. chee foong. and robin) forgot to bring my students card ==' kkb.

starbucks- rm 30

a day out with people i treasure- priceless.

ambassador of starbucks lolll.

ahh about the results i dont wanna talk bout it de. i dont know how but whatever will be will be.

daddy's on leave tmrrrr!

so so hapeeee!

i wanna wake up as late as i can. its been so long since the schedule of waking up at 12 in the afternoon.

i dont care. bonding time with my bed.

i'll shoot anyone who wakes me up.

seriously. im actually an agent of the secret organization of awesome spies.

mwahahaha. okay bye bye.

ravin bought this from bangkok. so cute! haha thank you awesome!

don't know?

sad news and awesome news. which one first?
i shall start with the awesome news. because if i start with the sad one. then i wont have the mood anymore to talk bout the awesome one.

long dayyyyy for me!

lol. yesterday woke up at seven. reached school by 730

waited for chern yao. zi chuen. and wan hong. we had to go exxon mobil company to finish up our slides and rehearse our presentation for ten million times because before this exams was held and we didnt had time to practice our speech and blah blah blah.

took the bus from ikano. went to kj's lrt station. had a huge debate from the bus to the company ==''' hahaha. raeched at 11am. and started perfecting the slides! did that till lunch time. called mum and told her i'll be back before 5pm.

she said okay and continued finishing everything with su chin and edmond. ravin just came back from bangkok and was supposedly on leave but he came back to the office to help us. so awesome right. alwin joined us around one.

asshole.


practicing real hard till real late. see the sky outside? damn dark. wan hong in action.


working with everyone at menara exxon mobil.

had starbucks break. continued reheasing. called my mum to extend time. told her i'll be back before 10. practice the crap out of the crap. had macdonalds for dinner. told my mum will be home by eleven.

practiced more. told my mum will be home by twelve.

left the office at twelve. reached home at twelve plus. lol. thanks edmond and su. so so much.

woke up at 6. got to school. made sure everything went well. wan hong was doing the t-shirt. blady blar blar. so effing tired. have been in this kinda situation since saturday itself.

damn nervous thru out the whole thing. come on man. its scaryyy.

and

TADA!

WE WON BABY!

:D :D :D

we grabbed seven awards! all the awards! ahhhhhhh!

damn happy. seriously. hard work paid off!

yeahh i know. damn awesome right. the awards we won.

1. best annual report

2. best service/product award

3. best safety award

4. best presentation award ( 2nd placing)

5. best slide show award

6. best booth award

7. best employee award ( chern yao)

8. BEST OVER ALL COMPANY AWARD! : D : D : D

we are going to the national's baby! celebrate celebrate!

so effing tired! omggg. thank you so much ravin. su chin. and edmond. and yess su chin! he's one heck of a cute emcee okay. inside joke* whatever ravin ;D

nat. edmond. su. ravin. :)

Board of directors. and lovely secretaries.

chern presenting.

imba connection is like shit. picture size super huge. will upload when its faster. screw the connection.

the not awesome news?

yeahpss. i screwed my exams. i cant believed i actually cried over exams marks. yeahps. im just damn disappointed over my marks.

and all this while like during exams (monthly) and mid term. i put in like damn alot of effort. not alot on monthly cause yeahh. exams are damn fucking stressful for me.

okay before you give me the studies is not everything look. let me say what i wanna say.

i always say to myself exams are not everything. and there are more than life to these. i play hard. work hard. have a social life. and yess. awesome family. great friends. a real living God. however. i need to work my fucking ass off for this end term exams beacuse i wanna stay at the first class as SPM is like NEXT YEAR?!

so yess. im not saying that other classes are not smart, im just saying that i wanna be in the top class. and they look at your end year results to stream you.

and what the fuck. i worked my ass off like shit. to mantain in the top class. i stayed up like damn late. work as hard as i can. exhausted all the time because form four is not as easy as form three. and every fucking subject im taking in pure science now is like maths related. and my maths is like. shit. real effing shit. damnn stupid. so i ahve to struggle my ass off.

practicing. practicing. practicing. twice as hard. twice as smart?

and now? damn the damn results.

all this while i always said can do better. trying to comfort myself that everything will turn out for the best. yeahh i was living in hell. and the tears that came out today? its not only just for this exams. its for every damn disappointment i had to go thru. every single shit i struggled. if this is a test from God. im not sure if im hanging strong anymore. one can only take so much.

i need to excel in my studies. i want to give my parents an awesome life in the future. i wanna set a good example for my sisters.

personal glory is like 190498509856873497859 on my why i wanna be good in my studies list.

yeahps. i wanna get a scholarship. i mean like surely i know to get that you have to be extarodinarily outsatnding. everyone can get into college by parents money. but i dont want to. wont it be more satisfying that you get into college thru hard work? and i've got like sisters. i mean i know my parents will be able to afford the fees and all. but if i can i wanna reduce my burden for them.

so yeahh.

i hate disappointments. and i hate it when im the loser.

in everything i do. i wanna be the best. the awesomest. whats the point of doing something when you're not gonna be the winner at the end? i make sure i win for eveything i participate in.

so yeahh, im just rlly pissed. oh well. whatever la. lets not let this spoil my holiday mood shall we?

damn the exams. damn the effort. damn the disappoitment.

sorry for the language. i need to let it out.

oh yeahh. and please dont send symphaty text messages. i dont need them. it sounds so unsincere. i mean some. not all of all the texts. to the rest of. thank youu! :D

ohh and ahemmm. im just gonna write this down lol. beacuse. i dont know la. he wont be visiting my blog anyway. so he wouldnt know. i hope. hahaha. here su chin. i'll show you nice he is lol.

i was complaining bout my marks. and well. he signed in and stuff. and blah blah. so we talked.

<<>> - - says:
then say :D
natttttttt (: says:
57
natttttttt (: says:
yeahh
natttttttt (: says:
laugh your ass la
<<>> - - says:
i'm not laughing
natttttttt (: says:
or
natttttttt (: says:
at least you must be thinking
natttttttt (: says:
omgg
natttttttt (: says:
wth
natttttttt (: says:
damn stupid
<<>> - - says:
if u did try ur best then dun care abt wat others thinking.

omgg. that last sentence nearly stopped my heartbeat. crapp. ignore the grammar. focus on the meaning. I KNOWWWWW. damn nice righttt. HAHAHAHA.
natttttttt (: says:
seriously
natttttttt (: says:
i work like damn super super hard
natttttttt (: says:
how to study smart
natttttttt (: says:
seriosuly. i wanna give up de la
<<>> - - says:
change,we can believe in ;)

thats so political. influenced by alwin the ass. oh well.

hahaha. he's smart. and nice. for now. sigh.

till then. i need to finish everything on this list.

1. get some rest

2. clean my room

3. arrange my test papers and organize my files and books

4. spam accounts and bk.

5. buy form five books. or make sure im sure of all my form four facts.

6. watch meet the robinsons. i watched the movie like 790983497938408975 times already but the cartoon is so awesome and touching.

7. watch all the movieS in the shelf.

eat dinner now. TIREDDD! going out with steph tmrr! :D

nights!

and thanks nicole. you're rlly awesome! :)

thank you for being there all the time. and yess. i've no words to describe how awesome you are!

love ya secreatry lady! ;)

noob

i realised. that.
I SUCK IN MICROSOFT POWER POINT.
my computer skills is like major bullshit. i can die.

have to prepare slides for tmrr and yess i suck so much that. i dont know what to say.
but im figuring it out. and its 12;30 am. great huh. i realise that i dont have the appropriate pictures needed for the slides. so gotta ask rachal tmrr for it.

hectic day today!
went skool. did TriXxon stuff.
stayed back.
did Trixxon stuff.
rushed to accounts tuition from skool.
came back at 5. had lunch.
washed up.
went for physics tuition.
came back at 11.
doing slides now.

hahaha. if thats not bad enough.
tmrrr. one whole day from 8am.
exxon mobil office to have final rehearsal.
lol. its so funny la. and i thought working was fun.
is this how my parents feel everyday for the past one thousand years? hahaha.

omggg. giving back results. and daisy people
highest for add maths. 95%.
tootoootooooooot.
yeah i know. i can die la.


being in matahari is like a dream that i've been through out the whole year.
and now its time to wake up.
to realise that they made a typo error or something.
and i belong to teratai or daisy.
and the worst part.
is that you worked your ass off.
and you realise that.
damnn. no point. its still the crappy results that you didnt want.
so might as well.
dont work hard right?
save time. save energy. save disappointment.

if this is a test from God.
its one hard test. hahaha.
im not sure if i can hang on anymore.
my hands. are losing the grip.
or more importantly.
my heart. and the passion that keeps the rest of the body going.

EHHH OF COURSE I CAN LA.
hahaha. test and trials are ahead.
hey but why afraid when God's here? lol.
but i did wish that God created energy pills.
im so exhausted now. that i can fall alseep on the keyboard.

internet connection is slow like tootttt.
damn pissed.
wheeeeee.

haha mum just lectured.
ask to clean my room.
==''
and to sleep.
yeahh i need sleep
she's giving me the go-sleep-or-i-will-kill-you-look.
yeahh i'll kill myself if i dont sleep now anyway.

but seriously im screwed for my results.
dead meat.
nights (:

the tipping point

heya! just came back from a really hectic day. im supposed to wash up but i'll just spare myself a few minutes to nonsesne write ;) hahaha.

number 1. yay! mum said okay to youth camp! ;D anyway if she didnt also i'll make sure she does let me go. hahaha. thanks su for covering up for me first! i'll give you the camp fees like next sat during dg :) and secondly!

I BOUGHT A NEW BOOK! :D :D :D

the tipping point

by malcolm gladwell.

i havent read the first book yet but im gonna read it soon. his first book. blink. caught my attention.

the power of thinking without thinking

awesome eh. so yess now i have two books of his! yayyyyy! hapinesss! and i wanna read jeffery archer's not a penny more not a penny less too. my parents are obseesed with him as how i am obsessed with sleeping and smart guys. heh. dont give me that look ==''

so anyway. i just wanna make a little apology to the rest of the BOD'S. actually to chern only laa. alwin wan hong and zichuen always tidak apa wan. lollll. yeahh. i know i always get carried away by emotions. and i can be a bitch suddenly without prior notice. sorry if i slacked everyone's

time. and yeahh hahaha.

well. im not someone who will keep quiet if i dont agree with something. im loud and noisy. hyper and tiredless. its definetly my weakness that i cant keep professionalism when i need too. i cant get serious. neither can i not be hyper. its just me laa i guess. hahahaha. im retarded and crazy. and yess sometimes i do do whatever i want when i wanna do whatever i want. there goes the plan of ten kids. i'll be like nvm laaa. do whatever you want my dear kids. worst mum ever ==''

;x

but i'll do try to not be as retarded laa. when its time to be serious. i'll try my best? heh. that would take a rlly long time for me to adapt laa. but hey no harm trying eh? :D

ehh but im sensitive to people's feeling k. one thing is that whenever people changes their emotions. i can easily detect from the tone of voice and their gestures. thats probably one gift God blesses me with la. its good okay. so you know when people get pissed. RUN AWAY! but sometimes im too lazy to be bothered. hahaha.

soreeah! :(

so yeahps. sincere apology to chern. three awesome people. wan hong. alwin. and zi chuen. i dont know what i'll do if i cant complain to you three. even at times you dont even understand nuts whats going on. you never question. but whats amazing. i cant believe all three of you can actually stand me blabbering nuts that makes no sense.

and even at times when I AM THE WRONG PARTY. alwin and wan hong always agrees with me. hahahaha. omgg. i have the awesomest friends ever laaa. besides jun yen. zhiling. juat. lisa. steph. jin. weng si. aiyaaa. you know la. and the rest blah blah.

hahaha. okayy thenn. im so tired that i think if elephant breaks into my house i will never even wake up.

gotta wash up! and wash hair. even though its already like 2330. feel so yuck laaa.

hahaha. k then! nights ;)

alwin tan wee giat

he's just righttt beside me now.
on my left wan hong.
in front zi chuen.
wheeeee. haha. okayy im just a little kkb from everything today lol. long day mann.

okay gtg. ciao.

insecure?

heya!

exams are overrrr!

ahh im so so glad! :D :D :D its been a rollercoaster for three weeks and the feeling of after exams are just the sweetest! :D

anyway. yeahh im super exhausted right now :( woke up at 6 plus. on a friggin saturday! went for accounts tution which lasted three hours! 8-11 am. rushed to nicole's place to get slide shows and speeches ready for closing ceremony on wednesday.

had lunch with alwin and wan hong. hahaha. yeah chern yao got conned by the shop so he got pissed and cancelled his order hahaha. he ordered a salad but what they put in the salad is not what they stated on the menu. hahaha. so yeah he got pissed and he left back to nic's place earlier. me wan hong and alwin got conned too=='' hahahahaha. its the funniest lunch i had since a long long time.

wan hong ordered spagetti but when it came it was black color. hahahaha! alwin and me ordered some fried rice which tasted like crapp! you should have seen our faces. as much as it was fustrating we laughed till we nearly died. and miscommuniactions on the way too. lol inside joke.

haha then at 4 rushed to church for dg. bk class was on from 6-7. now im back home and yeahh super tired. going out for dinner soon i think. but im not sure if i have the energy. first time im saying no to food. miracle =='' hahaha. gotta prepare my speech finish by tonight cos i'll be helping kai ma at her stall at BU3 carnival tmrr from 7 am to 6pm.

COME VISIT OUR STALL! YOU WONT REGRET! :D and then i've gotta rush to nic's place again till 10pm to finish up speeches and practice them with the rest of the board of Directors.

and accounts teacher spamming classes like crapp. physics add maths and chem tution also spamming to teach form five stuff. and im gonna spam reading bible knowledge and score like high A1 for it. by high meaning 90 over. i dont care la. i just wanna take bk more seriously and no its not impossible to get 90 plus.

beacuse i am gonna do it.

talk until like damn easy. hahahaha. less talk more work man. lol. and im gonna spam accounts too. ahh my accounts is like on the verge of dropping in the drain.

so anyway in dg today. yeahps i learned important stuff. you know what. joshua in the book of joshua? hahaha. he's damn hot. seriously. he sounds so awesome and hot! hahaha. anyway. thats

not the point. yeahps we learned bout book of joshua. and its rlly interesting.

after that we did talk about the giants in our life that we are facing and yeahps. currently i cant deny i have giants in my life too. im afraid to tell my mum my marks. yeahh. i'll get screwed like crapp. i dont know la. my mum is expecting marks like 80 plus. but thats not possible for me. not now at least. oh well. life's like that eh.

my other insecurities? yeahh my sisters are geniuses. and usually the say that the older one must set good example for the younger ones to follow. but i dont think i am. both of them are way smarter than me. my smallest sister got 14 th placing out of 675 students in yuk chai. standard two la. when i was 8? i was playing catch. watching tv. playing video games. she? practicing her maths. studying her science? yeahh.

sometimes i really feel insecure. come on. if anyone who is given a choice. who wouldnt want to be smart? to be praised? to be noticed? to be the apple of the eye of your parents? i admit im not as smart. i dont score 90 plus marks. im not those extraordinary students who does exceptionally well in school. im not the one that everyone comes to look after when they need solutions to questions.

but i can say that. if in terms of effort.

i give the most effort and i work the hardest among the three of us.

i know im not one of those blessed with extra neurons in the brain.

but i never let those stuff stop me.

i put in the most work and i study the most among my three sisters.

i sleep later than them and i wake up earlier than them.

that was even when i was their age.

and it sucks that everytime they are the ones that come back with results that put that smile on my mum's face.

while i am the one that gets the lecture all the time.

im not saying that i hate it my sisters are smart. but yeahh. you get my point.

my dad is awesome. he doesnt look down or neither does he compare. as long as i improve he's already rlly glad. like from 40 to 50 for add maths. im not gifted with numbers. but yeahh.

sometimes i just want my mum to know that i put in lots of effort. and im always giving out my best. i wouldnt mind going out that extra mile to earn the things i need.

in fact i would gladly go any extra mile to help me get the grades i need.

i dont blame my mum in a way either. living in the world today everything is about academics.

who cares if you are gifted in other areas?

who cares if your talents are other stuff?

no one does. i know genuinely she wants the best for me. but soemtimes its tiring and exhausting.

thats one of my main insecurities. and i dont exactly know what i wanna do in future. i gotta start deciding now. and get a rough idea of what i wanna do in future. of course. the jobs that gets the fame and glory.

doctors. engineers. lawyers. etc.

noo. im not saying that being those are nonsensical.

its whether you are doing it for the passion.

or simply because everyone else is doing it.

im praying really hard that God decides for me. i honestly have no idea what i wanna do. i might wanna open up a kindergarten. or does something that is close to my heart. maybe open up orphanages? or im kinda interetsed in becoming a pilot.

i just need a soul to give me support in everything i do. besides my dad. and my grandparents never failed believeing in me. zhiling : ) you never stopped have you? you know sometimes you dont know how you impact someone's life by just lending them the support they need in times when no one believes in them.

and i wanna put my full trust in God. in everything i do i just wanna rlly trust him. beacuse he made me special. and different from the rest. im just gonna end this post with a short extract i read from this book yew juan and su asked me to read.

A few weeks ago I sat underneath a star-filled sky just ''being still and knowing He's God''. I was struggling with a few things as I looked up at the inky vastness, feeling so small and lost in it. My eyes scanned the sky until they loocked on one particularly bright star that I was unable to look away from. It was brighter than all the other stars. It wasnt in a cluster of stars but was by itself. God quietly whispered to my heart,'' Thogu at times when standing alone can feel like the loneliest, most painful place to be, those who stand alone capture and hold My gaze. The ones who are okay with being different and shining brighter are the ones I cant look away from. Dont try to be like everyone else when you were meant to stand apart. Dont kill the dreams that set you apart and make you different, for your dreams make you who you are.

the dream giver by Jessica and Bruce Wilkinson.

honestly i dont know how awesome can God get. hahaha. out for dinner! looks like i cant turn down food after all. haha tata!

being human is okay : )

hahaha. happy friday!
ahh sejarah over today! finally!

phewww. im glad laa. cos yeah sejarah need to memorize damn alot of stuff. now the only stuff left are paper threes. moral ==' . my favourite. i dont even know where the paper with all the nilai's went. and maths papers. yeahh my weakest laa. mod maths is killing me. i never listen in class. and yeah now is the akibat. everyone is already assured and guranteed of getting 100% in my class. so its like free paper. for them that is. haha like i care. I DO CARE. SHEESH.


anyway yeah as much as im suppose to be practicing my addmaths now ==''''''' im just gonna post a short one. rejoice rejoice! new addition to the family! my new doggggg! :D :D :D haha picture soon la. no time to take.damn naughty though. but damn cute laa. haha.

and yeahps. today God reminded me that its okay to be human.

to be happy or upset. or angry. he doesnt need me be always happy all the time or neither does he require me to be all perfect all the time. its okayy to be human.


i found out that. someone whom i thought is awesomely perfect and hot is like totally taken. hahaha. well i only found out after like damn long. as in after i like him damn super long. haha. i wasnt exactly upset. just felt like yeahh. i dont know laa. but oh wells. life like that eh. hahaha.


got smart guy sitting vertically infront of me during exam. whoohoo! not hot. but smart. awesome laa. hahaha. yeahh i think the whole class knows adi. got difference okayy. between thinking he's hot. and liking him. haha. oh well the past is the past but im still nat the awesome! :D hahaha.


and yeahh im sick of everything laa. like exams. and im so freaking exhausted.


omgg please dont give me the OMGG YOU ARE ONLY FORM FOUR LOOK. WAIT TILL YOU COME TO WORK LAA.


shut the *tooooot* up. i've heard that stupid phrase since forever la. and YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO TELL ME THAT BEACUSE YOU WERE ONCE LIKE THAT TOO. except that maybe you didnt rlly bother bout studies last time so it wasnt stressed out for you? yeahh i can understand. losers like youu! okayy sorry. scratch that. i just wanna release my anger. sorry!

im honestly pissed and so tired.

i just want a damn break.

eventhough so there's still so much stuff to do. and yeahh i just rlly want a break la. i've got accounts to catch up. bible knowledge. and teacher's starting form five stuff. omgg. honestly la. i wanna do things that i like too! im missing out on so much fun stuff! i just wanna rest in God. and hang out with friends that would probably be going overseas soon.


i hate classes and im so sick of it! then if you cant make it people will simply assume and yeah im fed-up explaining beacuse its not like they would believe you anyway so whats the point. their mind-set is already there always trusting in their own knowledge that whatever they assume is right. and if you need me to prove it to you.

i dont need to.

because. i dont need to prove anything to anyone.

and its not only studies. its like everything else also la. im sick of people telling me stuff without even sure of facts? yeahh. i mean they tell you stuff like oh come on nat. dont disappoint me. or. oh nat? why laa. i would never expect this from you. or you gotta take this seriously. what rights do you even have to even say this to me? or assuming things without asking? yeahh. i hate it la. if you're not sure. THEN ASK. dont simply say stuff la. im not hurt beacuse its not worth it la. the worst part is that these are people you never thought would do this to you. yeahh but this is life. you cant expect everyone to be considerate.


but then again i have no rights to judge anyone. beacuse im not that perfect either. im far from that. thanks God that i never have to go through all this alone. thats the amazing part of it.

im never alone

and i will never be alone going thru all this nonsense.

and because you cant see whats in front of you you put full trust in God knowing that He's always choosing whats best for you. beacuse after all He's the ever perfect Father. the ever perfect best friend. who never fails to close the door despite all those stuff that you've done to Him. and He's always waiting at the door there. not only waiting. but running towards you even when He sees you still far away.

thank you awesome God :)

im done with living my life on other people's expectation.

im tired of living on what people tell me to live on.

awesome nat is back! haha. awesome nat is always here. just that she's awesomer now. haha sorry laaaa. syok sendiri. i feel so freeeee! :D
i've got so much love to spread around. haha.
its okay to be human right? haha. nights ;)

p/s: happy birthday quah. dong. and juliet! :D have an awesome one!