ride

and then this is it.

this is.

it.

tada

wahh. my previous post scared the shyte out of me.

i wasnt thinking straight yesterday :/ but everything is coolness now :D

i had a blessed sunday! it was great at church, and spent some awesome quality time. thank youu su and kor juanners :)

happy monday!

not now

worst weekend of the century.
my neighbour's son is screaming his lungs off and im trying to sleep.

i dont give a single shit about what you think. you dont have the rights to even judge anyone. what was i even thinking -.-

if i could choose a villain i wanna be today, i wanna be bowler hat guy from meet the robinsons.

No! Everyone will tell you to let it go and move on, but dont! Instead, let it fester and boil inside of you! Take these feelings and lock them away. Let them fuel your actions. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderful, horrid things. Heed my words Goob, dont let it go.
bowlerhatguy.


but i dont wanna be.

i need to cry.

now we are free

please help me to be nice to others.

please help me to be happy for them when others shine like the sun.

please help me to be sincere about it.

now that wasnt so bad :)

heat wave

very hot la today :( felt asleep in class and woke up feeling like someone baked me in the oven. OMG YUCK WEIH SHYTE. cannot imagine myself being baked in the oven omgggg.
luckily it rained. yayy thank you awesome God!


graduating tmr, craziness i know! as much as i hate waking up for school in the morning, i know i'll miss all the awesome times in school, wahh i feel so sad now. i wanna go to neverland and never ever grow up and live happily ever after.


i wanted to post a post with the title will you still love me in the morning cos i read it somewhere LUCKILY I NEVER POST. was talking to liesa randomly about it and she suddenly asked OMG NAT YOU CRAZY AH YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR NOT. and yess now i understand, go find out yourself -.-


i was talking to karmun about the episode in oth where they all graduated and sighhhhh :) i cant believe im 17! so fast la why why tell me why :(


and yeahh, i just wanna say if i did say anything that hurt anyone or if i said any mean things or did any mean things im so sorry :( sometimes i forget that what i do might hurt someone else and yess, i never meant it in anyway :/ because yeahh, lately i felt like life's too short to be all egoistic and like im always right and no you are wrong go and die la after i watched one episode of grey's anatomy :( and also of all the recent earthquake and all :/ NO LA IM NOT EMOING -.-


anyway just a few names i wanna mention here that grew up with me through out my high school life. okayy i dont wanna mention already after i forget to mention anyone's name here then everyone go all emo and start making voodoo dolls of me and throw eggs on my window :(


i feel like im in one tree hill.

tmr cannot be emo must be happy and awesomeness to the max!

happy friday everyone!

fixing my eyes

coming clean and being honest makes you feel. free.

well. after much courage, i told my mum about my trials. especially accounts. :/

and what breaks my heart is that, because of what i do, i know it disappoints her. and i know that in the deepest corner of her heart she's afraid and she must be thinking, omg nat, spm is one month away. cannot help but share the same fear.


and yes, if i tell you im not afraid i would tell you a lie as equivalent as nathan scott is not amazingly awesome.

and well. im kinda disppointed but there is no point in grieving (thank you liesa and david cook)


truly this period of my life where hopes are not very high, and i feel like im in wasteland dying to get out of it, really tested my faith and where i truly fix my eyes on.


sometimes i feel like, didnt i work hard already, when people sleeping and going out 24/7 score better, it discourages me. and honestly sometimes i kinda wish i could be like them too. i know study smart right. where have i went wrong?


but, despite of anything now, its just a time to keep moving forward, and know that God's in control and that my future is secured and im going to live the best life ever. call that self comfort if you must, but its truly more than that to me in every single way of my life.


so yes, time to pesevere, and time to turn that 60 add math mark to marks i could only dream of but didnt dare to hope for.

help me fix my eyes onto you Jesus, every single day of my life.

im not eloquent enough

ever heard of what you never know will never hurt you?

but truth does set us free in the end doesnt it?



anyway, i wasnt sure whether i wanted to post this up, because it was rather personal to me, but i felt a gentle tug (THANK YOU LIQI) in my heart, and hopefully this post will make a difference, if you feel that it will then its great!



Moses said to the Lord, :'O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant, I am slow of speech and manner.''
that would be the main reason why im talking about this.


have you ever felt that you needed to say something but you couldnt express it? its very clear what you want to say, its in your head, but the words just stutters and stammers and goes all hard to pronounce when you need to say it. its not those of like you want to tell someone but you dare not say it, its more of even everyday conversations.

weird huh?

but thats what i have been through for as long as i remembered.


i dont speak very well, and neither do i express something properly at times. i remembered at one time when i was in standard five, my science teacher scolded me and told me to speak properly with those kinda harsh tone that'll probably scar your heart for the rest of your life.



but its not that i dont want to speak fluently or that im afraid, its just somehting that you have to experince for yourself. people have told me that its all about mentailty and how you control your voice and speech, but you will never understand what im going through and how sometimes it fustrates you and brings you down because of this.



but thankfully i do have great friends that knows what im going thru. not all i have to admit.


so my point is back to this, i read this really good book about how God places dreams in our hearts. and i saw that verse.



suddenly i felt maybe im not in that bad of a situation after all.

because if God believed in Moses and He asked Moses to bring His people out of Egypt into the prmouse land, i cannot help but to know theres indeed nothing God can never do for anyone of us,despite our weaknesses and our failures.



if someone asked me to speak in front of the Pharoah, i would probably seriously rather die.


and yet, Aaron (Moses's brother) and Moses together with God, led the Isrealites out of Egypt, which is really really amazing.


my faith was little, but seeing what God can do, and how He has big dreams and plans for us, i have no doubts that He cannot do the same for me as how He did for Moses.


God's been really faithful, I debated and attended MUN conferences, with other relaly great speakers like melanie and yy, and somehow when i need words to flow out, God never fails to help me do it and i speak well.


so if there evern come a point in your life when you feel inadequate or you feel like you're not good enough, really just give out your best.if you feel like you're not as a good leader as the pther person and you got appointed, or you feel like you're not as awesome as the guy we didnt get selected to the math quiz but you got selected, go out there, and shine!



never let your inabilties stop you from what you dream of doing, and i remembered someone telling me once that if you say you're not good enough, you're indirectly insulting God. because God made each one of us, and we're saying that He didnt made us right, or maybe He messed us up thats why we are not as good as the others.

God is super duper awesome and also very clever, and He never makes mistakes.

:)



haha. spm is. wow. in the middle of the day, suddenly i just get this sudden scare from nowhere about spm.

trains my heart to be strong and takes shocks that come about an hour each once. i must focus!


have a great week everyone! :D