disgusted

for fuck's sake, they are your parents in law, how the fuck can you even utter those words out without any feeling of shame and embarrassment. 

deliver us

busiest most exciting week ever! working at the kindy for a week cos they are having holiday camp and they need help and so im working with my sister so happpyy! the best part is, always always always, that we only need less that 3 minutes to reach the kindergarten yeahyeahyeah! (Y) just got back from perlis/penang two days ago and it was great! really tiring cos we had to be at the stadium for really long hours but i was very excited to see everyone running! i think the one thing i have learned while i was still running/doing sports, (now probably just get disqualified at the first round) is that no matter how scared you are and how tired you are, you just never give up. even if you are last. i was very very very awed by the runners' performances, they were great and even if they didnt win they deserve every respect from the audience for all their endless hardwork and determination. their mental strength blew my mind off and i only could wish i was at least 1/10th as good as them!


and so, yesterday was the first day of work at kindy, and i had fun! the theme of the camp is spy camp! so exciting! i get to be agent N! hahaha. also had my mum's bank scholarship interview the only thing i was scared of was that i would lose my way when i go down to kl and not be able to find the building wtf. but 10 minutes to the interview i freaked out like shiatt but overall the interview went quite smoothly i hope :( they asked me stuffs like. what do you think about the ptptn loan, should we abolish it? should we mantain it? walao i really have to start reading the papers more, my general knowledge level negative :(


and tomorrow we are going to the pizza factory for field trip! so fun! i really hope the kids have fun! and meeting lis tmr omg ever since exam started we just studied like crap and postponed so many outings until FINALLY :D so excited really cant wait! and going off for We The Kings! :D cant wait cant wait! :D and on Thursday my mum has bribed me with pasar malam to pick her up from the LRT station so that she doesnt have to drive, i mean walao no need to bribe me la please i would pick her up anywhere as if like i will only pick he up if she bribe me walao damn sad. but since she already offered her bribe, why turn it down right! loklok and laksa here i comeee! :D


and meeting up with tuition friends form high school lol on friday! so exciting! havent seen everyone for so long! yay yay yay! still waiting for Nestle to reply my internship application, reply me Nestle pleaseeeeee! this internship app thing is scaring me, i didnt wanna work at first but EVERYONE IS WORKING TT die. 
pengaruh rakan sebaya.


this is totally unrelated but. sometimes in life, we give away whats important to us to other people. and then they hurt us because the things we give away are given to the wrong people. but one day you realize even if you have given it away to those wrong people, you can always take back what belongs to you. because ultimately, its yours anyway and nobody has the rights to take it away from you.
just saying.


oooyeahhhhh good week! and sister is hooked on big bang theory, im so proud of her :D

family support!

okay so now i really really know where i get my last minute plans will work out genes from. well so apparently i just found out, 2 mins ago then we'll be heading to perlis tomorrow while stopping by at penang (goodie!!!!) to support crystal in her track events for MSSM! i mean i would love to support her and give her all my love, but one night before. seriously. and well apparently crystal doesnt know cos my mum called her this morning and she said please dont come mummy, i will be to terrified to run and you will ruin my performance. and so now the plan is we are going to just sneak into the stadium and peak at her running and never tell her we went there. whutttttttt -_______- if im going im going to bring a freaking band to support her. but im damn broke considering how much it is to hire a band :(


so yes, packing bags now though i have no idea what is in perlis TT the only bribe my parents are offering me is  two days in penang for good food! cant wait to see my grandparents and cousins and uncles and aunties eventhough its just for a few days!

freedom never felt better

haiiiii!!!!! hahaha im not dead yet! havent updated for months, im so happy im doing this! exams just ended a few days ago, im so so so so relieved, its almost to a point of finding that my life is filled with meaning again after exams wts. yeah its that bad.


workload its that bad. seriously. sometimes when i come online all i wanna do is just do something that doesnt require thinking. like reading something or talking to other people because my social life has been that dead too, sometimes i feel guilty to go out for dinner with my own family wtf because i have so much shit to do during the weekend to cover back everything that i cant catch up during the weekdays. but its most probably due to my super incredible way of managing my time im a sucker for keeping to schedule and i take longer to complete everything i plan. like if i plan to do three things during the weekend i would end up only doing 1 thing cos i take so damn long to finish it.

tadaah this is my pery collection after succesfully cleaning my room. random but yes! and im so so relieved now! i finished watching the whole season 5 of big bang theory in two days so happy and so funny! and im almost done with gossip girl! although i find it quite annoying now but cant keep my eyes off their clothessss so damn nice can faint :( organized all my notes so happy! :) (dear god, please please please let me not ever use those notes again and also probably sell it off damn bloody expensive the amount i paid for it) cos if i do means i would have failed a paper. most likely statistics 2. oh god the thought of it makes me want to cry but whatever is done is done no need to talk about it anymore k thanks. and god please dont let me fail any other papers too :((((( okay so scared now.

but good times ahead! never been happier and i am going to do everything i have planned for this summer break! this is going to be a good good break and i cant wait! yayyyyyy!

CNY withdrawal syndrome

okay so penang was really too damn good i swear i actually thought of extending my holidays without the rest of my family until after thaipusam. and then i realized that i cant skip too many days of classes cos things are getting so damn hard wts, and i needed to study and catch up eventhough i worked damn hard for my mocks and screwed up anyway, i hope this scenario does not occur again.


wanted to upload some pictures of CNY! but my cam battery ran out wts, and now im recharging it but thought i should blog cos im so damn stressed :( dunno how im gonna survive for the next 90 days before my real exam, so damn scared and worried :( but its hols in KL today though! very happy one day break! but my sisters all have school and my parents ditched me this morning, dunno where are they now, forever ditch me so im all alone and should be studying which i will soon i dunno what shit life is this :(


and just made a huge discovery! not really huge huge but i can wake up early in the morning to study is a myth. for me that is. forever cant wake up, and can only stay up at night like an owl/bat/whatever nocturnal animals available for productive sessions though i must get rid of my im scared of ghost shit :(


and finally went to Craft Brews! eventhough its only 3.5 mins from my house, yes i calculated. the pork was so damn good, and the drinks, didnt know it was a buy one free one yesterday for ladies, me and ash were there, so nice! was a good catch up girl session eventhough i see her in uni everyday hahaha, and also sit beside her in every class hahaha :D rule number one : girls cannot finish conversing- about anything.


the only thing im looking forward to is to study real hard and not screw up my exam so that i can enjoy my three a half month break woohoo playing tetris and going back to penang very excited! cant wait to spend time with my grandparents and also be a driver for my sisters everyday for tuition and bring my dog for walks everyday and give free tuition to this orphanage home and wait for everyone to come back during their summer break so damn bloody excited omggg! :D huge reunion!


okeh. studeh time.

i know this is weird but have you ever felt really happy and really sad at the same time. like bittersweet kind of feeling but really extreme.


thank god for second chances but i really really have to buck up for uni now. just got back most of my sem exam marks and i dont mean to sound arrogant at all i swear but i really really with all my heart did not expect to screw up this badly. except for stats. which i expected because i really rushed all my syllabus, focusd too much on hypothesis testing etc then realized it wasnt coming out this exams because the lecturer wants to re-teach everything so only the front probability parts came out and i really suck at probability. i really dont blame anyone but myself for stats, i was disappointed but i wasnt super disappointed or sad or discouraged. but maths and econs were the ultimate killer to my heart i know so drama but its true :( i always believed that if i worked hard and smart for that exam then it should reflect on my exam results. and i really did. i actually feel stupid for sacrificing so much of my time while my grandparents were here and had to give up the holiday trip my parents planned, all my dinners and sleeping time to hardcore like crazy for it. if i knew i was going to screw up i might as well screw up to the maximum :( im so discouraged now but i wont sit down and wail and cry because frankly i have got no time to do so. every minute i spend reflecting on how screwed up i was, i waste the time i can spend to catch up on everything that is so rushed up. im actually really scared because my exams are so soon, in may. and cny mood is ruined to the maximum although its the only one thing i look forward to every single year.


i know this spending time complaining about this while im blogging wtf wont help me in any way but i just need to get this out so that i dont die of depression or heart attack or a horrible failure suicidal. and the truth is some people did get A! so if they can i have no idea why i cant. i mean its not like everyone screwed up, if there is at least one person who can get A i dont see why i cant either. and i dont know if this is just a sudden hormone rage or what but i really really feel that US education system suits me so much better. i really hate to be judged on how intellectual i am although im not that intellectual anyway wtf by my grades but this is exactly what my course is doing. US edu system is so diverse and was just talking to alwin the other day and he tells me he does the subject weather for his major in econs! can you believe it!  weather! i would be so happy to learn about the clouds and how it affects the economic system and when is the heaviest rainfall wtf i dont mind at all! and they get to learn languages and sports and singing gives credit hours! i like to learn other things eventhough they wont directly help me for my work in the future except for ridiculous things like integrating trigo or partial derivatives which i find utter bullshit.


i guess there is no point complaining cos its not like i can do anything about it now. but im just very disappointed and upset with everything. and its only the beginning of the year wtf. 


but i got one of the best phone call today so im very very happy about it. and had dinner with xian hui and nick! came back from US and UK so happy to see them! and xh got me this from new york! soo cute! 

so im happy and sad at the same time and im actually really tired too but obviously i cant rest cos i have to solve freaking multipliers that dont make sense to me at all.


i really hope everything works out, fingers crossed about infinity times. 

keep moving forward

may this year be kind to me and may i not meet any assholes along the way!


and more importantly may it be kind to everyone and may all assholes stay together and not ruin kind people's life and may life be kind to all, both kind people and assholes.


be good great 2012!