emotions

I cant believe im actually going to blog about this but this is one crappy lifehouse/the script emo nights even my ipod is against me, I shuffled it ten times and ten times either script will play or lifehouse will play I hate cos it ruins my sleep and my appetite to eat when I know im so hungry. my mum says she’ll have to be with me the whole time during my pregnancy cos she says im too emotional and she says when people get pregnant their emotions level multiplies by ten times, so she cant imagine how I would be when I am, if im even gonna be cos I don’t think I can ever bare the pain of childbirth thank god for epidural snifffffs. okay this is suppose to be the happiest day after 7 weeks of classes because midterms were over yesterday and I have two days of break yay! when you’re in college every day of break counts I don’t know how im gonna survive when working people have only fourteen days of annual leave god :( so anyway I thought I would spend my day catching up on all my series which is sucha bad idea because.

first I was so excited about perry, and I loaded it all on youtube and I started watching one by one. and it was kinda funny and sad some of the episodes and my sister wasn’t around so there was no one to comment and laugh together with me and I was all emo because I realized no one actually watches phineas and ferb at my age L everyone goes crazy about stuffs like glee and himym and bbt but nobody does about phineas and ferb and I was emo cos I thought I should maybe grow up and stop all these nonsense. but I really like perry and thus emo L the worst thing on earth is probably not have anyone share the passion you have about something but yourself. so sad L so I thought fine maybe I should just watch something more grown up and what people at my age would watch and I continued gossip girl season three and there was where all the drama began.

was watching this episode where dorota and vanya got married, and omg I just cried my eyeballs out. I cant remember how long I sat down there probably 40 mins because one episode is about 40 mins and i was so happy for dorota and vanya when they got married. they so deserve it, and its probably the highlight of gossip girl for me, so so so happy for them. the happiness they have and esp that im a sucker for kids and weddings and people who are happy, and when chuck and blair broke up. I think I died. I think blair is funny and so evil in the show at the same time, shes so great with words and when she was taking the whole break up thing with chuck for a moment there I actually felt her sadness I know Im so overreacting but its true L I don’t even know why im so upset about it its not me breaking up with chuck also, but yeah L

okayy then I thought fine maybe its just those period syndrome and suddenly she’s got you high started playing and I thought hey maybe I should watch 500 days of summer! saddest show in the entire world and I ended up crying even more like bobby just died or something. so I went down and talked to bobby and told him how much I love him and I remembered my sister telling me about her friend’s dog who before he passed away ran away from home, and then they went out looking for him. then suddenly my sister’s friend who was staying home waiting for him to come home while others looked for him saw him opposite the house underneath the tree. and his eyes were closed already, and he was facing the house looking into the house just diagonally opposite the house. apparently when dogs want to leave, they don’t do it in the house because they are afraid you’ll be upset by them leaving. and he was so reluctant to leave them because he was facing the house and when I heard that story my eyeballs just literally popped because it was so sad! I told bob if he is ever gonna leave he’s gonna leave us in the house and not run away to some other place, he’s our family, he’s gonna be in all our family shootings and wedding photos and etc L

sister came back and we watched some phineas and ferb. then after that we thought we would go out for some shopping since she needed to get some stuffs, we had bubble tea but didn’t die eventhough they say got carcinogen, and bought lots of stuff we don’t need but want L sorry mum and dad! but the shopping did some good because it cured some sadness. what to do when you have daughters as children L

then while we were eating suddenly we saw this guy from our school, now I really hope nobody reads my blog damn it, and I thought he was still the same old hot looking guy which he was back in high school, proves that my taste rocks please, but my sister was nononono where got hot la jie what taste you have in guys. ahhhh so hot damn it my sister’s eyes got prob, and when he smiled my sister gave the whole errr what look but I thought damn sweet lor pls L but anyways, after all the jumping around and grinning arguing with her I came home and started to go thru all the past year school magazines and got emo again L I wished I was either more active/involved in clubs and activities, and in ed board or be one of those super naughty kids who don’t listen to teachers/skip class go partayy/don’t do work but still get awesome results students :D I didn’t leave any impact in my school la damn it. should have left as a legend haha :D

then I saw my books and test papers and the biggest worry I had in high school was how I was never gonna get an A for bio or accounts and how add math was going to be the death of me and log used to drive me nuts but now that im doing calculus log is my best friend L and the saddest thing that would happen would be having to sleep late to study which I cant believe im freaking saying this now but I miss it L I wouldn’t mind doing it now everyday because the worst thing then is the best thing in life now then my sister said when we look back to who we are now we’ll laugh our ass off cos we have bigger stuff like house loans and credit cards and how im not gonna spoil my nephews and nieces in the future, what a sister.

then I got emo because my mum said cannot buy ice cream cos I was coughing but I swear it was only a little so no ice cream so sad L world is against me. okays shall sleep now hope tomorrow will be better! J since its happy Friday! J

cant believe I just typed so much bullshit.

self discovery

you know how they always say when you are happy i am happy too?

self discovery, it doesnt apply to me

i sound like a selfish bitter person, but im so glad i discovered it. really.

if not now, when

it has been a busy week, so much things to rush through and so much catching up to do on work because everything is so lagged. had wonderful dinner with elyas boy yesterday, he's such a clever, loving and wonderful 4 year old :) we had mashed potatoes, and sausages, and fried rice, macaroni, and so much food :) and the funny thing is haflway while we were eating, he asked me to write his name on the paper cup, and i asked him what else did he want me to write, and he said, can you draw a heart for me and write my mummy's name inside? :) and subsequently after that he asked me to draw three more hearts, one for daddy, jemmi, and esais with their names on it :) so cute :) he's going to grow up into one loving boy, cant wait for him to grow up :)

and i submitted my essay for my college yearbook and magazine, and i dont think i have been more encouraged in so long by the reply i got back :) my lecturer replied my email and she said i can write really well, and it was very cohesive, and now im gonna write one more article for the upcoming issue :) encouragement does wonders and its great to have somebody believe in you, and especially for someone to believe in you in the things that you want to do great in :) and so today when someone told me nat, you say youre awesome and you can do it so frequently that it doesnt mean much anymore cos youre saying it to everyone. but you know what, youre wrong :) when i say youre awesome or youre really clever or you can do it, i mean with all my heart than anyone could know. if i cannot mean it with all my heart, i'll just say i hope to hear good news from you, all the best :) its not that i have the rights to judge whether you can do it well or not, but its hard for me to give my highest hopes because as much as im cruel to not give my highest hopes, it would be even more cruel to give someone what i dont mean and say what i dont mean either.

made 2 wonderful discoveries! people who i thought were generally nice, turned out to be not so nice after all. you know how when someone jokes, there has to be a limit to it because really, no one wants an offensive joke? yeahh, im not angry or disappointed or anything, but im so glad i discovered it! like after all these times, and i always thought yeah they are so nice, and i wished everyone were as nice as them, but you know what, im glad i dont anymore. amazing discovery of how people you thought you knew so well, isnt what you know after all. and second, amazon! been going to amazon a lot lately, really bad :( saw a perry messenger bag, and i want it so badly! but its too ex, its 20usd and 10usd for shipping, too ex :( bad thing about this website is that they are all ex after you convert them, and you need someone thats staying in the States to get it for you, so then it will be cheaper :(

ahh so much calculus to do, i dont think i did so well in quiz. wednesday is judgement day and i hope i can finish memorizing all the formula by sat. cant wait for mid terms to finish. got my gossip girl, grey, and dexter waiting for me, so tempted but i shall not since summer is coming and all production stops then, so gotta divide equally all the episodes i have. been watching lots of burn notice too, this is bad :(

and im braces free! :) :) so happy :)

have a good weekend! dont think i ever felt like my week was so long, but it is. but got so much work, so i'll be drained out by the end of the day.

weekends are the best :)

i say what i like

lol i thought of privatizing my blog because i feel like i say too much things here which i feel like i shouldnt say, like telling the whole world yeahhh this is my weak point, please come and take me down! or im having an emotional breakdown now, please come and intrude into my life awesome stranger! haha okay not funny, but then i realised i dont have to! cos nobody reads my blog, and im actually pretty happy about it hahaha, i can say anything i want (sort of) hahaha yay!

i've been inserting alot of swear words while blogging, and i know, people's general perception is that people who swear are not very nice etc. i mean i dont swear and say the f word like drinking water, but i dont see any fault of saying swear words when i need to express something out. i know it sounds so hypocritical (is there even such a word) like wahh youre altering the rules just because you cant follow it, but i dont think i swear that much (unless stupid and what the counts) unless im super pissed about something and there are no words to express my anger. when i start swearing, my anger level is 18039378947893 infinity. i know right, im pretty crazy, im scared of myself too sometimes :D no really -_-

anyway this is pretty random, but. i dont really say sorry much unless i mean it. i mean most of the time i give in eventhough its not my fault just for the sake of making peace and not give a shit anymore, but i realised that it isnt quite the right way. i mean im not saying that saying sorry is wrong, but even when you say sorry to make peace, you gotta mean your sorrys. i think saying sorry is pretty easy, unless you are an egoist, but if you dont mean it, then dont say it. and by meaning it, i dont mean by having the remorse, but to want to make up to the person you hurt. anyone can say sorry, but the thing is, the person who got hurt deserves more than an apology or someone that is generally very good with the word sorry and not mean a thing. being sorry means not wanting to ever do it again because of the hurt and pain you cause someone, and not just for the sake of brushing of the guilt from your shoulders. so really, know what you say sorry for, because sorry isnt a word to put things right into place after causing damage that probably might or might not be fixed.

okayyyy, today is deep from the heart matter day lol im freaking out myself. so much work to do. and so stressed :(

thank you for being here, eventhough you might not even know it, eventhough youre half a world away :)

trying to get

all my shit together, i dont think i have slacked so much for the past year, the thought of me slacking is literally in my head every second and the guilt is about to explode anytime i swear. god, why am i so lazy :( i've got so much shit to do, and i dont even know wth i've been doing in front of the computer for the past 3 hours. been sleeping super early too, not maximizing my day enough, ultimate bullshit.

anyway, i stumbled across this article http://videogum.com/241512/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-500-days-of-summer/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/ i seriously went wtf at this author. i was so pissed when i read it, on how insensitive this gabe author is on this movie. he/she i dont know what gender this absurd author is and i dont give a shit, but ( lets just pretend she is a 'she') her points are baseless and full of crap. first of all, i dont think she even watches that much of a movie to nominate 500 days of summer as the worst movie of all time, seriously man. the happening? what bullshit show was that? there are tons of other stupid movies out there like the whole scary movie chain, and i doubt how much she actually goes to the cinema. and wth is wrong with working in a card making company? and what is wrong with tom saying he hopes to meet the one and settle down one day, WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT? stupid critic, does she not want to settle down either, unless she's some bitter idiotic person who does not believe in getting married but that doesnt mean she should insult it grrrr. and seriously wth is wrong with tom and summer liking the smiths? is she so anti the smiths or did she date one of the band members of the smiths before and things got ugly or what. of course i can believe that both of them do like the smith, so what, everyone who shares common interest is lying la is it -_________-

omg im so freaking pissed right now. yeahp, i cannot take people insulting things i love especially if they're reasonings are all bullshit, even if the whole world says it sucks, im gonna stick by it, i think once i believe that something is worth enough to love and worth fighting for, that believe isnt gonna change. like in general, not only about 500 days of summer lol wtf.

have to finish stupid articles and my stupid sim card isnt working, bloody maxis! be more efficient please my god, sent it there this morning until now also havent work yet wth man, i cant stand inefficient people! kk chillings :)

kayyyy, stats zzzzzzz :( have a wonderful weekend everyone, while i freaking tabulate datas which i dont give a shit about -_-

she's got you high

and you dont even know yet :) -500 days of summer soundtrack;

im sort of early for my macro class today wooohoo! happy! :) thats because all macro classes are at 830 :( and its so early :( and today im pretty early, i reached at 835? :p hahaha yay! but it was tutorials and im freaking out for macro quiz this sat! :( i hope gdp will be kind to me :( need to revise macro already, noooo time :( i know right, got time to blog, no time to macro, hahaha oh baby i was born this way :D

im gonna blog about my successful market outing with my mum lol wtf, it was a freaking success, though i doubt i would ever be going to the morning market in the future by myself, because, its too early! omg by the time i wake up, it will probably be noon :p and i dont know how to freaking converse in cantonese! my mum was getting ingredients for soup, and she needed some chicken parts which i still dont know what is it yet until now, zzzz im probably gonna get chicken fillet or fish fillet from cold storage next time if i need to cook them, my mum said poor husband and kids and she hopes i have an understanding mother in law wtf lol :( i cannot imagine slaughtering a chicken, yeah i know im such a chicken, i'll probably cry and convert into a vegetarian after that.

and i bought the best soya bean at ss2! :D so happy! the place there is usually so crowded and so packed, and if you get to buy the soya bean, its like major success to me! if you get to buy the tao foo fa, its success beyond comprehension, cos there is probably 1009 people queuing up, and guess whatt! i bought both! and i was the last customer that the uncle sold his tao foo fa to! hahahahaha! :D so happy! i know i get happy for the silliest stuffs, but hahaha yay! but he was kinda mean to the uncle next to me cos the uncle asked if there were any more tao foo fa, and the uncle who sold it said you want you come tomorrow la and gave this face -_-. poor uncle who wanted to but them! :(

dont bother making space for people who dont wanna stay :)

okiess, have to get back to moral, my god i have quiz later. moral is such a stewpid subject arghh! its ridiculous and so unmoral, i dont even know how it makes a moral person, arghhhh such a waste of my time, and its 4-530 summore omg massive jam and massive people going home can die :( emo!

and thank you aunty bonita, that was a pretty good awakening bonding session for 20 mins :)

when the devil throws lemons at you, God himself will make lemonades for you, amen :)

cant wait for the weekend to finish my two way overdue articles for magazine, and zzzz ! :)

500 days

of summer :)

okay initially i thought it was a movie about summer as in the season summer, but it didnt make sense, cos where got such thing as 500 days of summer? theres only 365 days in a year, whole year summer? that would kinda be like in malaysia, but the reviews and rating given were pretty high, so i highly doubt it was a malaysian made movie, and so tada! the girl in the movie itself is called summer, and so they talked about the relationship between her and tom, he's so heart melting :'( :'(

i never thought i would find a movie that would describe my feelings at that moment. like for example, when i was watching fast 5, i felt sleepy, but the movie was so bang bang boom and had no sleepiness feeling at all. or when i was watching mulan 2 the other day at home, i was worried about calculus and the movie was about war, so i have no idea how it relates to calculus :/ the only time i had a relation to a movie was when i watched meet the robinsons when i screwed up accounts in high school spm trials :D its not a happy thing, but yay to meet the robinsons!

you know how sometimes when you watch a movie you feel like you're a part of the movie itself? like you see yourself inside the movie and how the character is so similar to you? well that only happens in a few parts for me, or like maybe one or two, but i swear this movie was seriously playing like my life, literally my life. maybe except the sex part and the working part and getting drunk in the bar part. okay maybe not EVERYTHING, but most of it.

and the quotes in there and the things they speak about and the places they went, okay you shall watch it yourself if you wanna find out :) like my heart was going to burst. okay it did kinda burst and so did my tear gland, its damn sad la okay! eventhough it was a happy scene, i dont know if it was a happy or sad scene to me, but i think it was more sad than happy? :(

overall im realy glad im watching it at the right time, and im so happy i did! :D it was a brilliant movie for me, i think if i watched it any other days it wouldnt have so much impact on me :) its the bomb im so happy, eventhough my eyes are swollen like crazy, i have to stop being so emotional about movies and books i just cant help it :(

been sleeping so early and not doing anything, i feel so guilty :( but sleep is essential, happy friday everyone!

watch 500 days of summer! :D