100th?

heyaaa. im happy :) sad :( and tired x( today.

before i start. i just finished reading this book. its called the curious incident of the dog during night time by mark haddon. and i must simply say its a brilliant and intelligent book and its those kind of books that i wont mind reading over and over again. so if you can get your hands on that book its really great! but if you're finidng for those twilight love chick-lit kinda books then nopee this is not the book for youu.

okayy done with that.

im happy today because i went out with steph! haha. yahh. we walked around, did some major silly stuff, took over a million pictures (kidding. only 200 plus) and i wanna upload them but it got stuck because the file is very big and i dont want the pictures to have an error occurance thing and then it all disappears because they are priceless pictures so i shall try tmr. and i want to watch one tree hill and finish my damn it accounts work which i really dont like because i dont get it.

if you really know me. i think smart people are absolutely intelligent. as in i mean. they are awesome. like since small right. i really like to be smart. because people will start complementing you and they will tell you like. wahh you so smart. go become doctor la next time. sure get alot of money. and you get alot of attention also because people always like youu. so like since small i really like smart people. cos i think they are like God.

then when i started going church i only prayed whenever exams are near or when i want a new present or if i want to get well from sickness. basically God was my helpline. like a phone to help me get things i want.

thenn like few years back. i realised that people always say most important thing must got manners. you must have good character in life. as long as you are a good girl it doesnt matter if you are smart or not.


i thought that was really silly. because i mean. ehh. if choose between smart and good character. of course choose to be smart la duhh rightt.

so i always prayed that dear God. if only you will make me half as smart as the smartest girl in class. okayy maybe like no need half la. just one quarter. i wont pray for anything else. i promise.


but then like lately i just realise what it really meant.


to qualify to be in God's good list you dont have to be smart.


people keep telling me that failure is a part of life. or failure helps you grow stronger.

they say that they didnt do very well either and they equally suck as me. but hey come on. do you honestly think that if you suck as much as me, it will make me feel any better? no. it wont. so dont say like dont worry la nat. i suck as much as you do. so dont worry. i dont care if you suck as me or not because like so what? it doesnt mean that i suck, you have to suck too and vice versa.

and yeahh. i really want to try to forget about my results but then people just keep reminding me all over again. so that kinda sucks. i mean i know look forward right. dont look backwards. but i really cant. i really really cant. and i always try to say that results are not everything. and its just a small phase of my life and all those crap. but please. enough.

do you even know how it feels? of course to me now its a big thing because this is probably one of the hard times im going thru. yahh stop giving me that look that says stop whining la nat, its just freaking academics. you can seriously go die. as in seriously.

okayy fine dont die. but you suck like shyte. you are an ass with no compassion and you should get a bloody life instaed of thinking you are so smart because you are nothing but a crapp.

okayy. much better. yahh i sound like a bimbo bitch.

so yahh laa. i guess theres nothing much i can do bout it now right but to make the best of everything. mann. i hate it when i lose. win like a man, lose like a man right. i hate that feeling. but i cant be the one's thats always winning rightt.

so yahh. whatever la.

oh god. i need the strengh mann. i need it more than ever.

and thank you su. you are truly god sent. i feel much better now. and thank you to you too john.

one tree hill and my bed can cheer me up.

but i've got accounts tmrr. omg someone murder me la plsss.

and im looking forward to camp :D i hope its awesome laa.

nights.