one of those

everyday when i leave the house for college the one thing i look forward to no matter how sleepy or tired or cranky i am is that, i get to come home soon :)

if there was one thing i wish i was really good at,

the pen is mightier than the sword.

okies, i planned to start with a really deep quote and sound all like an author in this whole post haha wtf, but nahh, i cant keep up, cos all the las and wth and seriously man will start popping out :D if there was one thing i always hoped i would be really good at, it would be to write. i mean, i would want other things too, like, be musically inclined, or be really artistic, draw nice buildings or dresses like how i see everyone else does it zzzzz, cook like a pro, jealous to the max, but as much as those are good, i would prefer to have a wider vocab and write better.

but unfortunately i dont. if i were to spend my time reading some really sophisticated essay, i think i would probably spend half the time being awed by it without knowing what the writer is trying to convey :( i really really envy people who can write well, getting their message conveyed in the most attracting way. like it leaves an impact for readers who read them and wanting more and more it of it.

i think generally if a person can write well, they can express their feelings better too. like for example, when my mum asks how was the exam, my standard answer would be, okayla. but seriously right, wth is okayla? -_- she might as well not ask me because it doesnt tell her anything. difficult, easy, killer? or when people ask what do you think of the movie nat? i would probably say, okayla, not bad, got hot actor/no hot actor. so shallow. sometimes, i feel like when people ask me, they might as well read the movie reviews -_-

thats probably one of the reasons why i really love reading. uh no, not my text books, bloody hell which reminds me of my calculus work damn it :( i think im starting to regret taking calculus, because seriously wth. its like digging my own grave and inviting everyone else to dance on it after that -_- i freaking hated add math, but tadah here i am counting the rate of change! okies anyway, screw it shall resolve it laters zzz. back to the point about reading. everytime i read any novels or stories or articles, even all those gossip magazines :p, i feel like they help me to convey what i feel or what i want to say. its an avenue for me to read what i wanna say out. crazy right, i dont even think it makes sense, but reading any novels or stories which have words to cater what i wanna say makes me so, happy :) hate all these good authors who can write and express what they want to describe :( i wouldnt mind spending the whole day at a bookshop :)

i secretly dream of going to prestigious unis like missouri, or yale, and be amongst all the genuinely good writers, that would make me so, uhm i dont know the right words to say it, see get my point?! :( like maybe, at ease and contented? :) i dont see it in reality, but i would wanna go there one day as a non-student, and soak in all the beautiful words that i would never dream or imagine or writing myself :)

Im Chuck Bass

even Europeans must know what that means.

i've been watching too much gossip girl lately which i should stop already argghh but its just too nice :( and i think chuck is one character in the series who always gives me goosebumps and makes me think a lot about, i know right wth :( i cant believe im analyzing a character, seriously :( but i do find him really appealing and mind boggling and so darn attractive. although in the first season and second season i didnt had a sense of liking for him and i actually found him freakishly weird because he always had this evil/rapist/im a ghost look. now that im watching the third season, he is so. i dont know how to put it :( he still has his old habits of being snobbish and egoistic and cool, but there is something in him that changed and that change is so right.

i never understood why people always say i just dont think i can let you into my life because i love you too much and i cant afford to hurt you, especially in all those chinese dramas or even movies, and i'll always wth is this woman's/man's problem, is she blind, gay or just stupid -____- but now that i see chuck's character, i can absolutely relate to it. like how he always pushes people away, because he just cant risk meddling with his feelings. like it is a risk and huge gamble to take, because once you let someone into your life, you're allowing whoever it is, to be a part of everything you are. and sometimes that is just the risk people are not willing to allow happen, as much as the fun can go on, remorse has an equal chance of being involved too.

but im glad chuck did let blair come in eventhough he was reluctant in the beginning. i guess it reminds me that sometimes risks helps us to understand that although things might go bad, you'll only know what happens if you take it. and with just the right amount of balance, damage can be minimized, and we dont have to be stuck in the lifestyle we were brought up in, because we all have a choice to choose who we really want to be.

okay although it might sound crapish and ridiculous, that is what I feel la okay. stupid gossip girl taking up all my time :( had the best afternoon nap for so long because it was raining and yay! so niceeee! i thought it was 7 when i woke up but it was only 5, and stupid raining season only coming in when college has started seriously man :( but its okay, i shall be try being happy knowing that there is always a possibility is will rain at night and i can enjoy the cool weather too! yay! :)

i hope all goes well this semester although all my subjects are calculations based, hoping for the best, and everything shall be alright :)

for now. and the days to come :)

we think you're a joke

the kind of feeling when holidays are over and reality hits you in the head that classes will commence and results of all the labor you've put in for the last four months will finally be known.

the kind of feeling when you thought you progressed well enough and you've made advancement and that you've already moved forward to better things ahead. the feeling that you thought you did and when the past comes back to haunt you telling you that you've been standing on the same spot the whole time, not moving an inch.

the kind of feeling when you really want to fix things and help yourself feel better knowing that you cannot feel like this any longer because you dont wanna look back regretting not maximising the best you had when you were younger only to regret later on when you dont have the opportunity anymore.

the kind of feeling when it hurts but there is no instant cure to it like how a panadol can cure a headache in an hour just like how it just did to mine.

the kind of feeling when you know that your head is telling you the right thing but your heart keeps telling you the opposite and you are torn between two directions and not at ease.

the kind of feeling when you know you did your best and if anyone ones to be a part of you, they will give everything to be a part of it, regardless how difficult it is because nothing is too difficult for them.

the kind of feeling when you know this is the last time you ever want to feel like this, because it not only robs a part of you, it robs your soul and everything you believed in.

no, it isnt a hyperbole.

and so

my dad is away for some company trip, my mum is away for some work, my sisters are in school and camping and im all alone, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! :D kidding :( sucks because nobody is gonna have lunch with me and i miss going to my sister's room and sitting down on her bed discussing what to have for dinner :( discussing what to have for dinner is probably my favourite pastime! :D find it so exciting! :)

sighhh my sleep cycle is so ruined im so screweddd :( i dont think its possible to return back to the whole waking up at 6 cycle omg thinking about it makes me wanna cry :( and saw my timetable schedule yesterday which i kinda arranged it to my best possible maximizing every single second in college, and THERES CLASS ON FIRDAY! heartbrokennn :(

i do hope my schedule is not taken up by everyone else, kiasu mode to get the best timetable on!

feel like sleeping now but i just had my favourite bedsheet and pillowcase washed and i only want to use that one so i cant sleep -_- gotta change my curtain soon, stupid sunlight in the morning is so freaking bright and hot and wakes me up from my super nice sleep, argh! stupid sunlight! stupid curtain! maybe i should get a super dark coloured curtain, like maroon! i shall propose that to the person who will pay for my curtains the next time we head to ikea yay! :) feel so freaking lethargic, maybe i should go clean my room or something :( but its kinda clean already, now i have to mantain the awesomeness of it :)

i tapaoed prawn mee for lunch yumyum, my mum was -_______- when i told her i wanna eat prawn mee, i hate prawns, and now im eating prawn mee. i have no idea why either but i told the uncle dont put the prawns inside and he was like. lu mai heh? tapi je le si heh mee. which translates you dont want prawns? but this is prawn mee. and i said biao kin, wa boh suka heh. which means its okay i dont like prawns, and he laughed and i laughed although i dont know whats so funny about it -_- but he's a nice uncle though! always gives my dad extra soup/prawn whenever my dad orders yay uncle!

my dad has been complaining about how im spending too much time on my farm. everyday when he comes home, he'll be omg your farm again? yeah he actually said omg in the funniest way ever and then he'll ask what plants i planted today and how many chickens and pigs do i have and wants to see my awesome farm everytime mwahaha! doubt i have time to fv after this, college starts and no more time to do anything i like :(

okay i shall how i met your mother now! :)

and thank god for labor day! one more day to rest! awesome! ;)

everytime i look at you

you always look so beautiful :)

havent updated for so long, and since i have break now which will end in a few days im so sad :( i shall update! :) i've been watching loads of phineas and ferb, because of perry! :) perry is the cutest platypus ever, and i actually forgone how i met your mother and nat geo wild for p&f! everytime they go perrrrrry! and perry jumps out into his agent p costume i literally laugh and smile and go all hyped up because perry is so cute! and perry is one hot name although i used to think it was kinda sissy? ALL THE PERRYS IN THE WORLD, IM SORRY :( perrrrrry! hehe :) i told ram about perry and that he was the cutest platypus ever, and ram said yeah yeah, katy perry is damn hot -___- hahaha! i laughed my ass of though :p

this two week break has been relaxing although too fast, didnt do much, just lazed around and sleep and farmville, went to camerons for a few days and all was good :)my sleeping cycle is abit ruined now though, have to return back to the whole college cycle soon, sigh i do hope with all my heart that this upcoming semester will have an awesome timetable and that i get to come home early everyday and no classes on fridays :(

i've been looking through all the old high school pictures, and i reeally miss high school although i dont know how i survived staying in a classroom for five years which was so freaking hot :( wanted to blog about high school, but too many things to say, and im so sleepy now :( shall do that soon! and high school shaped me to the person i am today, and i dont regret any of it :)

i hope it will be a lovely day for everyone tomorrow :)

when

you dont know how to say it and words fail you, tears will take the role of your words and everytime a tear comes out it represents all the sadness, hurt, disappointment, regret, and the soreness of your heart that words can only merely describe.

its okay to be sad.