one of those

everyday when i leave the house for college the one thing i look forward to no matter how sleepy or tired or cranky i am is that, i get to come home soon :)

if there was one thing i wish i was really good at,

the pen is mightier than the sword.

okies, i planned to start with a really deep quote and sound all like an author in this whole post haha wtf, but nahh, i cant keep up, cos all the las and wth and seriously man will start popping out :D if there was one thing i always hoped i would be really good at, it would be to write. i mean, i would want other things too, like, be musically inclined, or be really artistic, draw nice buildings or dresses like how i see everyone else does it zzzzz, cook like a pro, jealous to the max, but as much as those are good, i would prefer to have a wider vocab and write better.

but unfortunately i dont. if i were to spend my time reading some really sophisticated essay, i think i would probably spend half the time being awed by it without knowing what the writer is trying to convey :( i really really envy people who can write well, getting their message conveyed in the most attracting way. like it leaves an impact for readers who read them and wanting more and more it of it.

i think generally if a person can write well, they can express their feelings better too. like for example, when my mum asks how was the exam, my standard answer would be, okayla. but seriously right, wth is okayla? -_- she might as well not ask me because it doesnt tell her anything. difficult, easy, killer? or when people ask what do you think of the movie nat? i would probably say, okayla, not bad, got hot actor/no hot actor. so shallow. sometimes, i feel like when people ask me, they might as well read the movie reviews -_-

thats probably one of the reasons why i really love reading. uh no, not my text books, bloody hell which reminds me of my calculus work damn it :( i think im starting to regret taking calculus, because seriously wth. its like digging my own grave and inviting everyone else to dance on it after that -_- i freaking hated add math, but tadah here i am counting the rate of change! okies anyway, screw it shall resolve it laters zzz. back to the point about reading. everytime i read any novels or stories or articles, even all those gossip magazines :p, i feel like they help me to convey what i feel or what i want to say. its an avenue for me to read what i wanna say out. crazy right, i dont even think it makes sense, but reading any novels or stories which have words to cater what i wanna say makes me so, happy :) hate all these good authors who can write and express what they want to describe :( i wouldnt mind spending the whole day at a bookshop :)

i secretly dream of going to prestigious unis like missouri, or yale, and be amongst all the genuinely good writers, that would make me so, uhm i dont know the right words to say it, see get my point?! :( like maybe, at ease and contented? :) i dont see it in reality, but i would wanna go there one day as a non-student, and soak in all the beautiful words that i would never dream or imagine or writing myself :)

we think you're a joke

the kind of feeling when holidays are over and reality hits you in the head that classes will commence and results of all the labor you've put in for the last four months will finally be known.

the kind of feeling when you thought you progressed well enough and you've made advancement and that you've already moved forward to better things ahead. the feeling that you thought you did and when the past comes back to haunt you telling you that you've been standing on the same spot the whole time, not moving an inch.

the kind of feeling when you really want to fix things and help yourself feel better knowing that you cannot feel like this any longer because you dont wanna look back regretting not maximising the best you had when you were younger only to regret later on when you dont have the opportunity anymore.

the kind of feeling when it hurts but there is no instant cure to it like how a panadol can cure a headache in an hour just like how it just did to mine.

the kind of feeling when you know that your head is telling you the right thing but your heart keeps telling you the opposite and you are torn between two directions and not at ease.

the kind of feeling when you know you did your best and if anyone ones to be a part of you, they will give everything to be a part of it, regardless how difficult it is because nothing is too difficult for them.

the kind of feeling when you know this is the last time you ever want to feel like this, because it not only robs a part of you, it robs your soul and everything you believed in.

no, it isnt a hyperbole.

everytime i look at you

you always look so beautiful :)

havent updated for so long, and since i have break now which will end in a few days im so sad :( i shall update! :) i've been watching loads of phineas and ferb, because of perry! :) perry is the cutest platypus ever, and i actually forgone how i met your mother and nat geo wild for p&f! everytime they go perrrrrry! and perry jumps out into his agent p costume i literally laugh and smile and go all hyped up because perry is so cute! and perry is one hot name although i used to think it was kinda sissy? ALL THE PERRYS IN THE WORLD, IM SORRY :( perrrrrry! hehe :) i told ram about perry and that he was the cutest platypus ever, and ram said yeah yeah, katy perry is damn hot -___- hahaha! i laughed my ass of though :p

this two week break has been relaxing although too fast, didnt do much, just lazed around and sleep and farmville, went to camerons for a few days and all was good :)my sleeping cycle is abit ruined now though, have to return back to the whole college cycle soon, sigh i do hope with all my heart that this upcoming semester will have an awesome timetable and that i get to come home early everyday and no classes on fridays :(

i've been looking through all the old high school pictures, and i reeally miss high school although i dont know how i survived staying in a classroom for five years which was so freaking hot :( wanted to blog about high school, but too many things to say, and im so sleepy now :( shall do that soon! and high school shaped me to the person i am today, and i dont regret any of it :)

i hope it will be a lovely day for everyone tomorrow :)

when

you dont know how to say it and words fail you, tears will take the role of your words and everytime a tear comes out it represents all the sadness, hurt, disappointment, regret, and the soreness of your heart that words can only merely describe.

its okay to be sad.

i think my heart aches

i think if i were to name the most emotional person i have ever met, that would be myself hahaha! sometimes i secretly wish i was a guy because guys are less emotional and they live such carefree lives worrying only about things like gaming and how fast their internet speed is and the worst thing that could possibly happen to them would be their team losing a match or when they cut their hair and go all emo about it because they feel like its bald when there's still hair there obviously -.-

but being a girl is just too much funn! hahaha. shopping, dresses, make up, sleepover, and i can cry whenever i want and its completely okay :p thank you God im a girl! hahaha!

been really busy with assignments, and quizzes and presentations! even though im super tired, but there is something to be keep me occupied :) cant wait for sem break which is two weeks from now after finals! so much stuff to do, gossip girl, clean my room, himym, sleep, catch up with everybody, vacation, orphanages, big bang theory, and everything else! excitement! :)

lucas scott once said when you're truly tested, you discover who you really are. and i've never been a big fan of tests and changes, i love things to stay constant and safe. and the things i am willing to take risks for are very exceptional, for which all have been considered thoroughly and through that i wont possibly regret it if anything happens. but i think as we grow older, there isnt a 101% sureness and confirmation that this is going to be the absolute choice, and that everything will work out just the way you want it to be.

and so for the times when i thought i couldnt make it through ever because there is no possibility that it is going to work out, i think i did. and at times when i didnt know if it was the absolute firm decision, i took it anyway, with uncertainty. but things eventually work out anyway. and when i look back, im glad i did it, although i never knew what would have happened if i took the other one, the road not taken wtf hahaha.

and so i hope even as my heart pounds with uncertainty and fear, it would be the same even for this.

dash

while sometimes you put someone or something as your priority first, and it doesnt quite happen the same for you, you know thats its okay. because kindness in the first place was meant to come from a sincere heart, and so will it be.

no more

im quite okay until i actually start thinking about it and as much as i can just pretend that it isnt exactly there, i know its there. just dont have the guts.

everytime when it starts to get irrational, i know i cannot afford to be selfish because it just isnt only about me. and because i cannot wait for my pillow to dry in time.

i miss you ang xian hui :( i just watched one tree hill, and i know you know exactly how it feels. although you do like gossip girl also. but the point is i miss you, and i hope your a2 is going to be awesome and awesomest ever!

sound damn les? -___- go die la, i can write anything i like.

streets

i wanna eat loklok and laksa :(

im going to kidnap the lorry which all the loklok inside, but i want only the meatballs and quill eggs and meatballs :(

there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

the notebook.

rawrr.

and the cry of my heart, is to bring you praise,

from the inside out, of my soul cries out.

amazing

storm tries to come and wreck my world but i wont let it.

Im dreamin out loud,

dreamin out loud,

and all at once its so familiar to see.

rule the world

never ever let someone tell you that you cannot do what you wanna do.
period.