i say what i like

lol i thought of privatizing my blog because i feel like i say too much things here which i feel like i shouldnt say, like telling the whole world yeahhh this is my weak point, please come and take me down! or im having an emotional breakdown now, please come and intrude into my life awesome stranger! haha okay not funny, but then i realised i dont have to! cos nobody reads my blog, and im actually pretty happy about it hahaha, i can say anything i want (sort of) hahaha yay!

i've been inserting alot of swear words while blogging, and i know, people's general perception is that people who swear are not very nice etc. i mean i dont swear and say the f word like drinking water, but i dont see any fault of saying swear words when i need to express something out. i know it sounds so hypocritical (is there even such a word) like wahh youre altering the rules just because you cant follow it, but i dont think i swear that much (unless stupid and what the counts) unless im super pissed about something and there are no words to express my anger. when i start swearing, my anger level is 18039378947893 infinity. i know right, im pretty crazy, im scared of myself too sometimes :D no really -_-

anyway this is pretty random, but. i dont really say sorry much unless i mean it. i mean most of the time i give in eventhough its not my fault just for the sake of making peace and not give a shit anymore, but i realised that it isnt quite the right way. i mean im not saying that saying sorry is wrong, but even when you say sorry to make peace, you gotta mean your sorrys. i think saying sorry is pretty easy, unless you are an egoist, but if you dont mean it, then dont say it. and by meaning it, i dont mean by having the remorse, but to want to make up to the person you hurt. anyone can say sorry, but the thing is, the person who got hurt deserves more than an apology or someone that is generally very good with the word sorry and not mean a thing. being sorry means not wanting to ever do it again because of the hurt and pain you cause someone, and not just for the sake of brushing of the guilt from your shoulders. so really, know what you say sorry for, because sorry isnt a word to put things right into place after causing damage that probably might or might not be fixed.

okayyyy, today is deep from the heart matter day lol im freaking out myself. so much work to do. and so stressed :(

thank you for being here, eventhough you might not even know it, eventhough youre half a world away :)