13th week?!!!

so my plan to document all my summer break activity failed pretty badly :( the thing is, I think I am developing this super terrible attention deficit syndrome which means that I get super agitated in the shortest span of time, ie: I need to finish up this blog post in the next 5 minutes or I would never see this post ever again. so I guess the trick is to write super short posts so that I don't get bored and decide that blogging is useless, which is not because I swear I need to really document my life journey wtf.

well, it is actually the 13 week of my new semester already WTH  I THOUGHT I JUST STARTED MY NEW SEM. only 2 more weeks to go, one week of study break, one week of mocks, two weeks of holidays, and when my second semester starts, it will be the last semester of my degree life :( so fast right wtf, it is so surreal that I am actually going to graduate next year and most probably this time next year I would be slaving in an auditing firm and also finishing up my professional papers if I don't give up and just want to be a taitai for life.

uni has been nothing short but super amazing and I am going to miss uni so so much. it is so true that uni is one of the best period ever in life and I am just grasping and embracing every moment of it now. I had so much contempt in the first year because it was such a struggle for me with all the calculation papers and I am glad I am done with it and now I am already in my third year! though I am still struggling now still wtf.

one thing that really touched my heart was that my grandparents said that they would want to come to my graduation and bring super huge bunch of flowers and I was so touched because they really were so genuinely proud and I couldnt care less about people saying oh Degree only what, wait till you get your Doctorate then you celebrate. fuck you, every milestone in life is equally as important, and now that I look back at the times I took my PMR, SPM or even UPSR, I would say that back then it would be as equally hard and just because I am done with it does not mean I can brag about how easy is it now for me because back then I was struggling my ass off to get the bloody grades I needed to get. so yes, all milestones are important and I love every good memory of it.

already missing my grandparents so much although they just went back but they are such gems and I really treasure them so much. I think being in a family, we all just want to love as much and be as kind to each other as we can and sometimes, I wished you would just be more considerate, be more of a family and stop being so fucking selfish and arrogant in all of your ways because frankly, you disgust me and the world does not fucking owe a single thing to you.

happy Sunday! 

what a contradiction of emotions but life is like that isn't it :) 

summer break!

woohoooo! after disappearing for 6 months, I am back!!! I didnt exactly disappear anywhere, just to uni and  back home everyday and I have no idea how the heck it consumes so much time, can sleep for 6 hours also considered blessing already wtf. done with my second year exams and now just waiting for results in August arghhhhhh hopefully all goes well cos the exams were so difficult, LIKE REALLY DIFFICULT TT thank God that all my papers this year has more theory in it so my strategy was to just aim for all the theory questions and do the minimum required amount of calculation question and everyone of my classmates went berserk and said OMG NAT YOU SIAO AH, WHO THE HELL AIMS FOR THEORY QUESTION, CALCULATION QUESTIONS SO EASY TO SCORE JUST NEED TO FIGURE OUT IN THE EXAM ONLY ONLY MA. but the figuring out requires like 20 brains to compute, seriously :( this also indicates how smart all my classmates are, like each of them has 20 brains. so thankful for all the theory questions eventhough I dunno if it hits the point or not, cos all the examiner's commentaries mentions that students love regurgitating, lol directing to students like me, IF NOT HOW LA YOU TELL ME, ITS THEORY MA but nvm la its okay, at least better than last year, MATHS 1, STATS 1, MATHS 2, STATS 2 walao, like putting a hot iron down my throat man.

and after 9 months of torture and stress beyond my imagination-I AM FREE!!! well. sort of. the trick about three months summer break is that this thing called INTERNSHIP surfaces :( but everyone that has replied me says there is no position so far, so I feel damn guilty. but honestly I really dont mind not interning but then everyone is interning, makes me feel like a loser, peer pressure sial. 

so as for now I just plan to watch tv and read all my books and do everything I like and not worry about a single shit :D and also document all my summer break activity!

this is the good life :)

changed

instead of a whole long complaint post i intended to write, i can only say this now.

do not focus on the natural and the lack, focus on Jesus' supernatural and his abundant grace and love.

amazing how Jesus' love can do so much, without struggle, without force.

Just free flowing and never ending :)

comforts

loving Sundays where I just come home after church filled with food and good fellowship and just lying down on bed reading books or just listening to music (: and so encouraged by the sermon today, much needed assurance that I got, so blessed. Sundays are usually quite packed with work because eversince I have Fridays off now with the condition of having a packed psycho Thurs, most Fridays are spent chilling although I should probably start cutting down on that, and weekends are spent on catching up with work but since its the festivities, couldnt be happier that there is additional much needed break to sort out everything!! ahhh bliss :))

I know this is weird but I would seriously rather chill at home then to go out to the mall and shop :(

see I've been travelling, been travelling forever,
but now that I'm finally home, feels like I'm in heaven :)
-Will.I.Am

oh sweetness

I think the best Singapore series I have ever watched would be Fighting Spiders. TOO GOOD!!!! But not like I watched many Singaporean series, oh oh and also Little Nyonya, cos all of us had to watch it and my grandparents were very happy that they produced it, made them proud to be one :) But anyway back to Fighting Spiders, its just too good, I love it too much! It's great to see how Singapore was back in the 1960's and the cast is so talented :) It's very comical because when I watch it, it feels as if everything could be related to it, as if they are playing your life out :) Today's episode was particularly funny because Jamal was trying to explain to Charlie about first love, and he gave a very funny analogy.

Not the exact quote, but in my own words :);
I used to practice climbing the coconut tree everyday and after a few days, I did. I plucked my first coconut and it was so sweet. And after that I climbed again, again and again, everyday. But the coconuts I had after that was never as sweet as the first one.
Jamal

Too cute!!! I love shows that bring back good memories although it never reeled that way in real life. I love it when it brings back memories without making anyone feel bitter about anything. Super funny and I love it! So excited to catch it every week. And of course, Soon Lee too! So darn good looking can die lol. 

So lifeless at home on a Saturday night, but so much work to do, it's never ending. And just got a reminder, only 180 days to exam, scaring the shit out of me, 6 months sounds a little bit long, but 180 days is so damn freaking short. You have got to be kidding me!! :(

Oh wells. Not like being worried can reduce the period of it coming so all we got to do is to stay calm.

BUT SERIOUSLY?!!!

so broken, it hurts

It really really breaks my heart seeing children and the elderly sick or being infected by diseases because I really cannot imagine the pain they have to go through, especially since their pain tolerance is not that high either. There are just too many cases out there, but everytime I hear a new news, my heart aches just the same, regardless how it has become a norm. I cannot imagine the kind of agony their parents and family have to go through, I feel their pain and it's not even me, myself going through it. I was about to sign up to be a volunteer to visit unwell children at hospitals every week, just reading them stories, playing with them, spend time with them, love them but when I looked at the form, I just couldnt do it. I cannot bear having to see them face to face because I think I will actually break down and die. We had a visitation to an orphanage once, just a few of our friends to a home at Brickfields, and I couldnt even take it. It was fine all the way until when we were about to leave, my heart broke. Sometimes I wished I wasnt such a chicken and a little bit more rational but I just couldnt. super sad :(((

I hope you get better soon baby, eventhough I have never met you in person and I pray that you only get better and better everyday because Jesus loves you and a beautiful baby like you will get your healing and life back, Jesus paid the full price for your sickness, and good healthy prosperous life belongs to you everyday of your life.

Amen!

smartness

so much work actually so sleep deprived in need of a breakkkkkkk :(

how fast time passes is scaring the shit out of me how can this be happening please let me have enough time to do whatever I need 48 HOURS A DAY PLEASE :(((((

oh so so so clever :)