breathless.

CNY withdrawal syndrome

2012-02-01T12:56:00.001+08:00

okay so penang was really too damn good i swear i actually thought of extending my holidays without the rest of my family until after thaipusam. and then i realized that i cant skip too many days of classes cos things are getting so damn hard wts, and i needed to study and catch up eventhough i worked damn hard for my mocks and screwed up anyway, i hope this scenario does not occur again.

wanted to upload some pictures of CNY! but my cam battery ran out wts, and now im recharging it but thought i should blog cos im so damn stressed :( dunno how im gonna survive for the next 90 days before my real exam, so damn scared and worried :( but its hols in KL today though! very happy one day break! but my sisters all have school and my parents ditched me this morning, dunno where are they now, forever ditch me so im all alone and should be studying which i will soon i dunno what shit life is this :(

and just made a huge discovery! not really huge huge but i can wake up early in the morning to study is a myth. for me that is. forever cant wake up, and can only stay up at night like an owl/bat/whatever nocturnal animals available for productive sessions though i must get rid of my im scared of ghost shit :(

and finally went to Craft Brews! eventhough its only 3.5 mins from my house, yes i calculated. the pork was so damn good, and the drinks, didnt know it was a buy one free one yesterday for ladies, me and ash were there, so nice! was a good catch up girl session eventhough i see her in uni everyday hahaha, and also sit beside her in every class hahaha :D rule number one : girls cannot finish conversing- about anything.

the only thing im looking forward to is to study real hard and not screw up my exam so that i can enjoy my three a half month break woohoo playing tetris and going back to penang very excited! cant wait to spend time with my grandparents and also be a driver for my sisters everyday for tuition and bring my dog for walks everyday and give free tuition to this orphanage home and wait for everyone to come back during their summer break so damn bloody excited omggg! :D huge reunion!

okeh. studeh time.

2012-01-04T21:45:00.000+08:00

i know this is weird but have you ever felt really happy and really sad at the same time. like bittersweet kind of feeling but really extreme.

thank god for second chances but i really really have to buck up for uni now. just got back most of my sem exam marks and i dont mean to sound arrogant at all i swear but i really really with all my heart did not expect to screw up this badly. except for stats. which i expected because i really rushed all my syllabus, focusd too much on hypothesis testing etc then realized it wasnt coming out this exams because the lecturer wants to re-teach everything so only the front probability parts came out and i really suck at probability. i really dont blame anyone but myself for stats, i was disappointed but i wasnt super disappointed or sad or discouraged. but maths and econs were the ultimate killer to my heart i know so drama but its true :( i always believed that if i worked hard and smart for that exam then it should reflect on my exam results. and i really did. i actually feel stupid for sacrificing so much of my time while my grandparents were here and had to give up the holiday trip my parents planned, all my dinners and sleeping time to hardcore like crazy for it. if i knew i was going to screw up i might as well screw up to the maximum :( im so discouraged now but i wont sit down and wail and cry because frankly i have got no time to do so. every minute i spend reflecting on how screwed up i was, i waste the time i can spend to catch up on everything that is so rushed up. im actually really scared because my exams are so soon, in may. and cny mood is ruined to the maximum although its the only one thing i look forward to every single year.

i know this spending time complaining about this while im blogging wtf wont help me in any way but i just need to get this out so that i dont die of depression or heart attack or a horrible failure suicidal. and the truth is some people did get A! so if they can i have no idea why i cant. i mean its not like everyone screwed up, if there is at least one person who can get A i dont see why i cant either. and i dont know if this is just a sudden hormone rage or what but i really really feel that US education system suits me so much better. i really hate to be judged on how intellectual i am although im not that intellectual anyway wtf by my grades but this is exactly what my course is doing. US edu system is so diverse and was just talking to alwin the other day and he tells me he does the subject weather for his major in econs! can you believe it! weather! i would be so happy to learn about the clouds and how it affects the economic system and when is the heaviest rainfall wtf i dont mind at all! and they get to learn languages and sports and singing gives credit hours! i like to learn other things eventhough they wont directly help me for my work in the future except for ridiculous things like integrating trigo or partial derivatives which i find utter bullshit.

i guess there is no point complaining cos its not like i can do anything about it now. but im just very disappointed and upset with everything. and its only the beginning of the year wtf.

but i got one of the best phone call today so im very very happy about it. and had dinner with xian hui and nick! came back from US and UK so happy to see them! and xh got me this from new york! soo cute!

so im happy and sad at the same time and im actually really tired too but obviously i cant rest cos i have to solve freaking multipliers that dont make sense to me at all.

i really hope everything works out, fingers crossed about infinity times.

keep moving forward

2012-01-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

may this year be kind to me and may i not meet any assholes along the way!

and more importantly may it be kind to everyone and may all assholes stay together and not ruin kind people's life and may life be kind to all, both kind people and assholes.

be ~~good~~ great 2012!

december :)

2011-12-20T22:26:00.004+08:00

its christmas this weekend! so fastttt cant believe its almost the end of the year already! just felt like i was starting my classes in jan and complaining how bullshit is it that classes starts in jan, i thought that only happens in high school lol. and now its december and its already four months since i started my degree! crazy isnt it! im just so scared that one day i'll wake up and im already 70 years old or something.

been sleeping at the oddest hours like 5 in the morning cos my clock broke down TT i have this funny habit of putting my clock 2 hours ahead of the normal time i know wtheck right cos i feel so lazy all the time and i thought if i were to set my time a little ahead i would think omg no time already faster finish all the work now now now then i wont procrastinate and if i were to lack time also then i would feel motivated that i actually have two hours extra :D but now my clock is back to the normal time like everyone's time. sometimes im not used to it but have been getting used to it more and more now and realized i have no idea why i set my clock two hours ahead in the first place TT exams have been crazyyy nearly died due to the lack of sleeep! earliest time ive slept is at 2 omg, cos i feel like if i sleep earlier like got nothing to study meh then tomorrow only regret for not studying more. got this stupid mindset that quantity over quality :( so sleepy now but waiting for my hair to dry so cant sleep zzzz, and thought i shall start maths tomorrow ( champion of procrastination) cos i have one day break woohoo! then exams on thurs and i have break for 10 days! so happpppyyy! eventhough starts school on 3rd jan LIKE EVRYONE ELSE zzzz. initially i thought one week only but when you no longer follow the conventional national school holidays and especially when your uni is in KL and every shit holiday in selangor isnt applicable to you, every public holiday and every break day is like the ultimate gift from God (Y)

screwed up my stats today i didnt know how to do probability :( so hard and this exam is just probability and distribution even the distribution questions look gibberish to me im not surprise if i get shit marks. need to work ass off for the real exams in may, i know may sounds so far but its super fast before i know it tadaaah! may already! and also have been fast at getting angry, ultimate anger management problems. was having lunch today at chillax, i hate the word chillax so much its the most nonsensical word in the world, what the heck is chill and rest man seriously. but anyway was asking the guy whats the set lunch cos usually this place which we seldom go too, cos its damn bloody overpriced but got nice ambience and ashley and the rest of them wanted to study there so fineeee. so when i asked him he gave me a reply, fish and chips rolling his eyes with some stupid sarcastic tone and im like okay if i knew what it was i wouldnt have asked you in the first place right stupid, and how can you expect your customer to know what you serve everyday you think im god meh. ok fine. then i asked him what is in the set lunch? fish chips and anything else? and he gave that stupid tone again, fish, chips, and salad and drink lah! best service ever provided! fucker you are the one working in the restaurant and im your customer and you have no courtesy of even telling me whats in your set lunch and you are so rude. i am NEVER going back there again and just for the record it sucks i can even buy better fish fillet and fry it at home, its just some cheapskate fillet. stupid place. i wrote a super huge complain letter i know i think sometimes im born with the gift of complaining especially when it comes to service area. cant stand slow serviceeeee!

and also on the road especially when drivers drive as if its their grandfather's road. i sound like as if my parents never taught me manners but im so angry! the other day this car just cut into my lane without even signalling at super fast speed when my sisters were in the car too driving like some drunkard. so angry because its so dangerous. sometimes i swear the people who get into accidents isnt because its their fault but because stupid drivers on the road dont know how to be considerate and drive as if they are in fast and furious movie or something. i wont be so angry if it was only me but my sisters were in the car and i cuss all the way home because sooner or later the way he drives is gonna cost someone's life. bloody idiot. so angry omggggg.

im a terrible person :D on a brighter note looking forward to new year! gonna spend the best one week left of 2011 and looking forward to a great year! i think sometimes along the course of life sometimes people change because they experience different things as they grow up and its almost impossible for them to turn back to who they were. some things do make you grow up and you dont percieve the way you look at things like before but i think all these things are inevitable. as long as hearts dont turn bitter and selfish, everything else should be looking pretty sunny in times to come :)

shall blog about the present i got for grandpa after exams! cant wait for exams to be overrr!

badadadadada

2011-11-29T19:42:00.002+08:00

okay so my previous post about friday class being cancelled is crushed like a oreo cookie because Help has got no more extra classes/space to accomodate us on thursday evening -____- can die first time i hear this kind of nonsense :( pushed to friday morning, felt like i was going to die when i heard the news but at least its only 1.5 hours class in the morning so my friday isnt exactly wasted positive thinking i must though im super upset now, short lived dream crushed bagai kaca terhempis ke batu or some peribahasa which i cannot remember :( miss my BM teacher :( :(

and sister is working at the kindy woohoo!good that she is not lazing around at home going on 9GAG, stupid addictive website which im equally guilty of, can earn some money and buy me some nice things also :D :D so nice and they are going for a field trip at sunway petting zoo tmr WTF i also want TT her so called only friend which i totally dont believe its only friend TT (guy) must emphasize on the guy, just called her asking how was her day at work right after she came back OMG SO SWEET RIGHT :") talk and laugh so loud till i can hear from outside think her house only like that no consideration for her sister at all huhu hahaha just kidding :( shit i really really miss those times.

so anyway! had this fat urge to came home and mop the floor when i was in class, couldnt wait to come home and start moping the floor. crazy psycho urge, only wished that i had that urge to study also. and stats class today was (Y). seriously felt i learned quite a lot of things that my previous lecturer didnt even touch on wtf when this new lecturer taught (he's old and he's really funny) i was what the heck is he talking about like im attending some french class or somehting. then all my classmates asked questions that i have no idea what the heck are they talking about, asking about proofs and theorem and im like omg no need to prove anything just tell me the formula i dont wanna know how it is derived, i know right im the worst kind of student ever :( if this lecturer did not touch on all those things i'll be in the exam hall and i wont even know what the heck is the question asking. it's like going for a war and not knowing how to use the gun or sword or whatever sharp objects to kill your enemie. WHATS THE POINT RIGHT! by the time you wanna use your sharp weapons all also die already. though i have no intention to go for war or anything, so scary and sad :( last time watched pearl harbour cried until eyeballs wanna drop. so sad. dont know why people wanna bomb and kill people so much violence is certainly not the absolute resolution :(

and watched breaking dawn too. omg i know this so wtf but cried at the part where jacob came to bella's and edward's wedding :( so bloody sad and touching please, i have no idea why people keep reacting as if it's the worst and most time wasting show in the world, when people asked if i watched it and i said yes they react as if i murdered a whole city or something -_- i watch any movies i like without anyone's consent please, thanks :) i mean im not like a bloody big fan of it but still i didnt think it was a bad movie. there was a story line and i didnt thought it was crappy or senseless or what.

and was reminded about a sermon today about god's deliverance. used to think that god can be mean and make you do things you dont wanna do. like the more you say jesus i want this, the more he will give ypu another thing which you dont like at all. just to test your faith and so called loyalty to him and to test if you are a true christian or not. but was really encouraged that god isnt like that at all. he gives you the desires of your heart, and when His timing is right, His deliverance will come quick and it will not wait. He doesnt need us to beg from Him and He will give it freely and surely full of generousity and love. like fast flowing river and not like the drippings from your tap. Gos is good and He is loving and was just so encouraged by the sermon disc i listened :) yay!

ok shall do work now and probably watch an epsiode of bbt, lolol, sheldon is so funny, but barney is still the best!

everything into one

2011-11-25T23:02:00.004+08:00

really really suppose to be studying i swear :( i think even if i studied for 24 hours the next three weeks or so till exam also no time to cover everything lolol its not even funny :(

okay so number one, changed new lecturer! amazinggg! stats lecturer quit, good for him though at first i felt bad and guilty but after realizing he wasted almost ten weeks of lecture i dont feel sorry at all. new lecturer has to re-teach all the topics form stats 1, i learned so much from one class than i did for the past ten weeks of classes so im actually really glad things are turning around for the better! and now no more friday classes! shifted to tuesday and thursday instead isnt it amazing! was so happy so now i have extra one day break eventhough other days are slightly more packed! so anyway im really stressed with work :( i know im slightly ashamed because im not doing medicine or some hardshit course but did that stupid hessler's matrix, nearly died TT

okay planned to blog about singapore but so blooody tired now, and have so much work TT saw this picture, looks top notch but can see so much sadness in his eyes. episode after blair left him for the prince.

sometimes when asked if was angry, i think i missed more than i was angry. and i did every day.

weekend weekend! yay!

spot the perry :)

2011-11-22T13:21:00.002+08:00

why hello perry! :)

see you

2011-11-18T16:40:00.001+08:00

see you buddy! may US be the best place you've ever been :)

keeping it together

2011-11-13T21:53:00.002+08:00

TOMORROW IS SPM! super fast! was in church today and suddenly they were talking about spm and ITS TOMORROW. and then i was suddenly so excited for them. kidding! im sure everyone is panicking their asses off now but i swear with my life i miss spm so so so much :( not the studying like dog part but god i just wanna go back. like for a few minutes also nevermind.

its been 2 years. and sometimes i cant help but to remember every single second of it like a tape playing again and again. dialogues so clear and fresh.

ok no time to emo. work.

last

2011-11-10T21:16:00.001+08:00

had the best quality spent lunch time ever!

retarded piece of shit

2011-11-08T22:57:00.003+08:00

okay damn alot of work but i need to blog this cos im damn angry.

was having lunch with my sister and mum this afternoon at ikea, okay wait divert story abit, IKEA HAS THIS LAKSA PROMOTION SUPER CHEAP AND SUPER WORTH IT I LOVEEEEEEED IT! eventhough it had two bloody huge prawns staring at me damn disgusting i gave it to my mum and sister, i didnt believe they will give the prawn lor please, everytime they put on the picture different thing serve also different thing so nonsense. so ordered meatballs to backup incase not full hahaha, yes im crass like that (Y) :D

okay so anyway, while we were waiting in the line, my mum was checking her on her phone and didnt notice the line moving. but i bloody swear the line was moving at bloody slow speed. like every 2 mins, you can only move one step. so we didnt bother moving super close to the person in front cos its so crowded already plus move so front for what its not like you can buy the food faster also and we had the food trolley and everyone has some space in between them.

okay and then this retarded asshole behind me, this man and girl, i dont know if they are father daughter or gf bf whatever i dont give a shit, the guy started saying in his stupid voice why isnt she moving forward seriously? like intentional so that we can hear it. but i didnt bother cos we weer so close to the person in front already and then he started whining again like a few times, what is her problem, why isnt she moving, what is she doing in his stupid bloody girl voice like bloody repetitively. and again and again. and he kept saying what is her problem like three times.

i know its pretty unreasonable to be upset over but i swear if you fucking do this to my mum i wont give a fuck who the fuck you are and you can shut the fuck up. i was so angry because

number one, ITS LIKE BLOODY 15CM to move. lesss that that. like one step. WHATS THE POINT? and the woman infront of us had kids and they were running around so let them run la, why do we have to go so near for what.

number two, what difference does it make moving one bloody step its not like you can get your food faster also, its soo cramp already and yet you wanna make everyone even more uncomfortable.

number three, have some fucking balls and ask us in the face to move in front and not whine like bloody sissy girl to your daughter/gf so that i can hear what you wanna say.

number four, his slippers are damn ugly like a bloody cheapskate slipper and i am not surprise he's wearing it cos it suits like fuck.

i turned behind and gave him a glare so hard i swear i never been so angry at a stranger my whole life. if he was saying it to me for not moving forward i can ignore and dont give a shit but he was saying it to my mum, okay not my mum actually cos he has no balls he was saying it to the air and his sissy girlfriend/daughter.

then my sister came and i told her the whole story so loudly she had to say woahh calm down jie so many times cos usually she gets angry and its quite funny now that i think about it. he stopped talking the whole time we queued up. im like good for you you whiny sissy boy.

omg so angry.

sorry so emotional. okay totally released now all anger hatred emotions. so angry i scared myself. never been so angry for sucha long time.

but we got a daim cake so im happy again! and we sat at my fav table at ikea, so nice! so happy :)

ok i found this picture, pls tell me its super touching, cos it was when i saw gossip girl! chuck, i support you, the prince can go die and you deserve to be with blair!

ok need finish accounts now, damn alot of work. need more timeeeee!

a love game

2011-10-29T22:52:00.003+08:00

I NEED GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 5.

watched my season four and IT WAS SO SAD. for chuck, he looked so sad i felt like i need to give him a hug which obviously other 900 million girls would want to do too but damn sad TT and damn sad for myself also BECAUSE I SHOULDNT BE WATCHING GOSSIP GIRL NOW. damn alot of homework pls, can die :( its like everytime i finish almost everything then tadaaah! another pile comes up and forever piling until the day i die please. and my mum is a super ahead planner, she told me i should work overseas once next time, im like hello mama i havent even graduate yet and you come and tell me i should work overseas TT

okay so anyway. MY ARTICLE HAS BEEN PUBLISHED! :D :D :D HAHAHA SO HAPPY cos i talked about perry and the editor didnt cut anything out so (Y) first thing i did was to read my own essay like ten times and laugh like a retard cos damn happy la, got perry! :) but they didnt put any platypus picture inside so im abit TT but oh wells!

and happy birthday church! :) its been 2 years since, and changing church is probably one of the best thing that has happened in my life. so happy, and just so blissful. cant wait for the upcoming years of greatness and goodness Jesus has install!

okay my posts are getting boring-er and boring-er but i swear my parents and sisters go out for more dinners than me and their social life is crazily way more exciting than mine, shall see what comes up next then i can post pictures though i have a feeling its gonna be jin's farewell which i do not want to think about at all yes living in denial.

oh wells! next monday is hari raya haji! hols! cant wait! have a great week!

its been 3 years

2011-10-23T01:16:00.002+08:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BOBBY BOY! :)

the best thing that has happened to our family,( besides the birth of me) hahaha is bobby boy! he's the cutest handsomest cleverest dog ever and i havent upload any current photos of him into the hard disk so i can upload it here but I PROMISE HE IS THE HANDSOMEST! :)

omg i read back every single blog post i blogged about for the past few years and i cant help but to laugh and laugh and ponder how much i have grown lol! like the stuffs that i complained about last time were things like AIYOOOO I CANT DO ADD MATHS :( or shitttttt my mum woke me up in the morning im so upset :( hahaha so funny!

and i really really loved how i made my posts so colorful. like when im angry its all red, when im happy its blue lol! so free please last time! hahaha. and boy was i full of courage last time.when i wanted to say fuck i said fuck. like no filters. no such thing as eff you. or short forms. lol i sound like a freaking gangster. and got disclaimer one. * i know this post is angry and full of swear words bu i swear its only this post. hahahaha omg so funny!

and i said whatever i wanted to say! when im angry i said im angry. i dont say im happy with the fakest grin on my face when im angry which is what i do sometimes now :( omgggg i miss myself! and i sound so emotional in each post and so long my posts and all the nice comments people commented hahaha :)

sigh those were the days and i feel so encouraged by my own posts lol wtf.

so happy. back then and now and forever!

movieee :(

2011-10-19T00:01:00.002+08:00

omgggg i need to watch real steel! :( everybody keeps saying its super nice then i dont know what to say cos i havent watch yet then i just emo one side and say nothing and do maths tutorial :( the maths tutorial is fake one i didnt do i just sit in the corner and eat my nasi lemak yumyum!

I WANT TO WATCH REAL STEEL :( or any other movies also can dont care laaa. MOVIE DEPRIVED :(

just spent my whole night doing 2 tutorials for math. liang ke. dua. too confusing and i need alot of time to digesttttt :( slow poke. can faint. havent read my accounts.

but yay! tomorrow class starts at 11, woohoo so happy! got time to sleep in a little longer and read accounts. fake one say just to comfort myself :( NO I WILL READ ACCOUNTS. accounts mode on. tmr morning.

today the caterer uncle gave extra curry chicken! so nice! yumyum! so happy, Jesus bless you caterer uncle! give you 100 perry points!

okay, sleep, wake up and do accounts!

i wanna watch movie :(

and i didnt do a single shit today

2011-10-13T23:18:00.003+08:00

rested like a bloody boss today. not like bloody as in covered with blood but literally didnt do anything at all so lazyyyyyyyy. after class went to get slurpee, hanna's fault! hahaha picked up her brother, tapaoed chicken rice, had lunch with eme, showered, slepttttttttt till 6, woke up when jin called to ask for a favor for his visa app, watched tv, had dinner, helped eme's with maths problems, wtheck is circles i hate circles and i will always hate circles -_- and here i am :( so guiltyyyyyyy :( but its not really my fault cos off bloody period. okay this one is bloody. sorry! i know its weird talking about period but. yay!

and guess what! i won tickets to watch in perfect harmony! wohooo! i have no idea what it is actually :( but its like a production musical. giving my tickets to my parents though, i think they deserve it more than me. i think they really want to watch it and they talked about it but they didnt have the time to book it or choose the time esp for night shows cos they are usually full but now since they have the tickets, i guess they dont have a choice but to go! :) so im home alone tomorrow with eme, crystal is at school camp so depressing :( probably head out for dinner or something so that i dont miss my other family members too much :(

was looking through at my kindergarten photos sigh :( all the good times. i think when i was working at kindy it was probably the best time of my life. i was super tired, lol energy draining but i was the happiest person ever. like despite all my tiredness i was really happy inside, every morning i wake up i literally smile for work :) and all the good things back then. and i miss bryan so much! i cant visit him now cos all my classes are in the morning, except monday and friday and i plan to gate crash kindy and kiss him one million times. i dont think he remembers me anymore but he was the cutest most loving boy in kindy for me. and i was certainly bias, yes im a lousy teacher hahaha but he's so cute! some pictures i digged up :)

arranging his pillow, he's so clever isnt he! he chooses the flower pillow because he says its nice. and he likes blue because he says he's a boy. and he takes his own bedsheet and blanket too! hahaha so cute <3

relaxing after arranging his bed although his blanket his messed up so cute :) and milk time!

i think one of the saddest thing in life is when you cant feel what you want to feel. like for example when you are hungry and you wanna say you are hungry, you cant. not because its wrong to say youre hungry or because its a bad thing but its because you just cant. or when you feel like saying something nice to someone or when you genuinely want to say something good, but you cannot. so difficult. i have no idea where people get their will power from. when your heart doesnt go hand in hand with your head.

and of course the other saddest thing is that you have a three hour sadistic statistics lecture on friday and you dont know a single shit your lecturer is saying. i <3 stats.

happy friday yay and happy birthday baby jerome, 1 year old!

and for all the times we had it.

at first

2011-10-10T21:29:00.002+08:00

had an exciting week of homework and am sure there is more to come! i swear nerd mode is pretty on, its actually the first time ever in my life i come home and do reading after class. like by myself. like a volunteer. without a single threat and force in the world. okays maybe a little bit of threat because i know if i dont read i'll be lost in class the next day and i wont be able to catch up and i'll waste 3 hours in class doing nothing. hahaha. blackmail wtf.

so this week is suppose to be a real good week because im not quite sure why either. i had a good weekend of shopping stupid sale freaking robbing the shit out of my/my dad's/my mum's wallet. met up with juns and jins. harvested my crops. watched gossip girl. watched phineas and ferb. had good rest. looking forward to jerome's first. settled my math homework. sounds good doesnt it.

and then people say sometimes why are you even wasting your time on stuffs like these, not even worth you or and your time getting upset for. but seriously.

what the fuck is this.

depressing

2011-09-30T10:45:00.003+08:00

i think the worst thing that can happen is feeling upset for nothing. seriously.

okay so yesterday i had dinner which was super filling. noodles and coffee. then i saw chatime! but i was so full i cant even drink another drop of water. then at pasar malam i had this dessert, quite nice, and i was too full for laksa. but now im craving for laksa like a dog. and then later i have stats class. 3 hours of anger and nonsense. and then later when i go home my parents wont be around. sisters having exam and sports. so cant even go out for dinner. then im so sleepy. and i have 9498u89739578978976895788793949478 math problem to solve. then i have to understand slutsky and hicksian's theory. then my stats is down the drain. then i feel like watching tv tonight. then im doubting cos my guilt level super high. then later i have to wait for the bus. then it takes about 99 years to come cos its friday. then i forgot to bring my calculator and pencil box. then i dont know how to solve my stats tutorial. then i have no time to continue ranting cos i need to do math now. then i feel bad for complaining cos its nothing serious. then i wanna clean my pokemon cards and frame it up.

then this is life.

better in the future

2011-09-23T22:13:00.002+08:00

everytime i update its either im complaining or im complaining. so yes, i officially finished my first three weeks of uni WOOHOO MIRACLE! :D so freaking fast omg, its scaring me too! before i know it, three years liao hahaha yeah i wished -_-

okay so this week is getting hectic. more homework, more notes, more stuffs to digest. and i was down with freaking flu and i nearly died, stupid flu medicine i tell you, arent all flu medicine supposed to make you drowsy -_- APPARENTLY NOT cos i was awake the whole night wtheck and was so freaking tired the whole day and had THREE awesome hours of stats lecture (Y)

math is still pretty okay, BUT I HAVE 8938493849383 maths homework. okay i guess i have no choice since my math is down the drain, so homework is supposedly good for me :( my stats, i have no comments at all, i really have to read up on my own. economics still bearable though things are getting harder already and accounts is still pretty okay but damn alot of homework also.

okay i know i am dreaming too far ahead, but a friend who just flew to LSE told me the campus is holyshit faints. super nice, i saw the pictures and omggggg :( though US will always be the shizz bomb forever and ever US you are forever in my heart (Y). but the campus actually looks really really really nice. ive never been one of those really smart and outstanding students in life. sometimes even below average. okay this is shit emo post because im currently having emo talk with jin whos flying off on the 19th of nov, wtheck so bloody fast :( so emotional turbulence. okay so anyway, yeah even in like life. generally. as in i feel like no matter how kind i am, or how much i work for it, the only things i will get back are always second best things. leftovers. yeahhhh i know right wtheck. life only favours the few.

but that was last time ok. now im totally onz for the best in life. i really hope i get into a top uni, and even if i dont right, i know i worked hard enough for it. i rather work hard and be disappointed than to always wonder if i could have done better. damn philosophical T_T maybe i should take sociology or something -____- it feels good to actually have a goal, i know what im actually doing. like i love checklists. everytime i finish something and cancel it off i feel damn happy, im a freak like that but its true! sense of accomplishment! freak (Y)

i need to start uploading pictures, my blog is so full of words now that im reading it i already feel like sleeping.

study mode onz (Y) say only never do one. BUT MUST DO LA OMG :(

i cannot believe you can actually do this. knew it.

betrayed

2011-09-18T21:26:00.003+08:00

omg! second week of uni and its already crazy! i have tons of homework (for math mostly T_T) and i cant believe im actually saying this but i kinda like accounts? :( thank god for accounting background ( I CANT BELIEVE IM SAYING THIS TOO BECAUSE I USED TO HATE ACCOUNTING HUHU :( and holy shit, the accounting im learning now, no need to bloody balance my balance sheet one, OMG SO HAPPPPPPY! i know right, the first time i heard i was are you kiddding me, if you dont freaking balance how can it still be accounting, BUT MY LECTURER SAYS IF YOUR BALANCE SHEET DONT BALANCE ITS OKAYYYY! cos apparently, their rationalization which i so agree with is, in the future when you are working in accounting firms ( though my ambition is to stay at home and watch phineas and ferb with my kids :D) they will have all these accounting softwares that will calculate all your figures for you, so what you need to know more importantly is the concept and and the way the system works. like a boss (Y)

okay then my math is ultimate gg. i cant use to calculator which happens to be god's greatest gift to me so far :( WHAT NONSENSE IS THISSSSSSS UNACCEPTABLE. but yeah im so screwed cos my brains cant even operate basic operations and now YOU SAY NO CALCULATORRRRR? :( but my math lecturer is good, he looks like my grandfather though but he's good! my stats and econs lecturer no comments :(

okayy so everything is pretty okay i hope im not lazy laaaa i swear i do one question walk up walk down play with my dog drink juice talk to my sister sleep wake up do one question and repeat the whole thing again :( my attention span is so shorttttt arghhhh why.and lately the websites i've been surfing most are MAS hahahaha, and also this cafemom website! i love all the articles there, i know im such a freak but they talk about at what age you send your kids to school, or if this is the proper way for you to carry your baby lol! so funny and so true at the same time. and MAS. omgggg, and airasia. so many cheap promos, and since im having three months break in june next year which im so excited about, KARMUN IS COMING BACK YAYAYAYAAYAYA! SO EXCITINGGG! <3

have to work my ass offf so that i dont screw up and not worry through out the entire 3 months of holiday and die of worry hahaha what nonsense is this :(

and also, i found out another thing i really like! you know how when you actually take the effort to text people and they dont reply you? okay i dont really mind, cos maybe they are busy, or maybe they're sleeping or maybe they're out so its completely fine. but the thing is, you see them online on fb/twitter whatever stuffs and even commenting on other things when you are expecting for their reply! so awesome aint it! so much for taking the effort eh! life is good all the time.

life.

okay i swear i really need to draw my graphs now.

wooohoo uni!

2011-09-06T23:28:00.002+08:00

ok im not that excited about uni actually. I KNOW RIGHT, WHY AM I NOT EXCITED :( cos everyone keeps saying its really hard and can die and i have to break up with phineas and ferb and farmville once i start my degree :( okayy so orientation was. complicated. i have to do two applications, one under Help and one under Uni of London, so its two apps. the app for london is complicated shizz i dunno what they want with all their forms and because they use terms like GCE and whatever UK exams terms, so i dunno what does SPM fall under and my foundation falls under too T_T okayy i shall ask the reception uncle tomorrow i think he hates me lool cos i had to collect my offer letter today and there were so many people and i just said loudly, hulllo mr chia! can i collect my offer letter thank you! and everyone else who were queuing up were like heyy we came first! im the baus (Y) eh please la i tell you sometimes these kinda people piss me off. they just crowd around the reception table and talk to each other wtheck got no other place to talk ah, then waste my time only and still wanna complain that i cut their queue. you quickly tell the uncle what you want and he will get it for you la T_T

and i just realized all my lectures are 3 hours! i dont know if that is a norm in uni or what BUT WTHECK 3HOURS? holy shit i used to complain about 1.5 hours lecture cos i was so sleepy all the time but now ITS DOUBLE :( just had the first taste of accounting lecture today, 3 hours and i nearly died! my attention span is only freaking 5 minutes, to survive 1.5 hours is already a miracle but 3 hours is just T_T i have mathematics lecture tmr omg, 3 hours also, can faint :( freaking maths ahh omg :(

and speaking about math, I GOT A HD FOR MY STATS HAHAHAA :D Jesus is so good really, i can say that NONE of it would be possible without Jesus, He is so good to me. i was on the midst of dying in stats, i was so scared that i screwed up my finals cos i honestly didnt know wtheck i did. and a D for my calculus hehehe so happy, cos my calculus sucks and as long as i dont get a C or a P i will be jumping for joy already. macro was crap, only got a C so sad :( means im not discerning and i dont use my brains enough i think macro pulled down my cgpa T_T but Jesus is so good, so thank you Jesus! :)

and throat inflammation is healed thank God! walao the last few days were shit man cant eat cant sleep, breathe also hurts, my whole chest hurt like crap :( i googled (thank God for the power of Google) and apparently its caused by the anti-biotics im taking due to the stupid skin infection which IS ALSO GONE WOOHOO! but i have to finish it stupid shit, and apparently its because i have to eat something before i take it, which i didnt :( and so tadaah! some stuffs about reflux and i stopped reading, and all i did was to pray and it was gone in the morning! thank you Jesus, you are so good!

hahaha my dog is scared of cockroach omg so cute! me too, so disgusting :( the uni prospectus says this course is for you if you are ready to work hard with all your might and strength and full discipline.

ok i think i might have to re-consider that :P

sorry ignored!

2011-08-22T20:46:00.003+08:00

WALAO. just realized i havent blog for shit ages T_T AND I KNOW WHO TO BLAME. TWITTER. ever since i re-activated my twitter account, last time i had one then i stopped cos i dont know what to update T_T AND NOW TWITTER IS THE BOMB. just one sentence only, no need to say long long or tell perry stories, hehehe perry so cute! i swear got 90000 people asking me whos perry already, i guess they dont know this thing called GOOGLE T_T. hahaha!

panic attack! gonna get back results this friday DAMN FAST. i tell you the more i think i about it the more i want to die. for macro i totally dont understand a single shit thing he asked. ok maybe i did, but i dont even know what answer i wrote. haha my lecturer is really good, perhaps too good! he says we have to be discerning and we have to think beyond the book and need lots of application, SO CONFIRM I AM NOT A DISCERNING PERSON, CANNOT THINK BEYOND THE BOOK AND DONT KNOW HOW TO APPLY ANY SHIT IN MY LIFE :( and i got a freaking credit for critical thinking last semester, WHICH PROVES I CANT THINK EITHER. but its ok that one i not so sad cos it was a bullshit subject eventhough my lecturer was good, its more like memorizing bullshit than to help me think critically. if they actually thought me how to think, i would be quite happy, but they didnt. had to draw diagrams about arguments, WHAT THE PERRY? seriously man. but oh wells, at least i picked up some stuffs about fallacy and media and pseudoscience which was kinda interesting.

OK SO ANYWAY. omgggg fridayyyyy howwwwww. calculus and macro and stats, i wanna slit my wrists. ok im kinda aiming for distinction, i hope all goes well. if i freaking get a fail or just a pass, i might kill myself. NO I WILL KILL MYSELF. you know how those people on the news trace back people who commit suicide and they post all these suicidal things on their twitter and facebook and blog hahaha. ok its not even funny, im crossing every single part of organ in my body that everything goes well :(

been so busy this hols, watched smurfs and planet of the apes! awesome shizzz! and been catching up on himym and gossip girl and dexter (Y) and i finished four books hahahaha im a freak (Y). i think by the end of sept i can count my friends with my fingers. depressing shit, the thing about having smart friends is that they tend to always leave you because their brains are too awesome for malaysia :( its not even sept and so many people are gone already, AND NO having smart friends does not mean im smart what kinda of a theory is that seriously. i think when sept comes i will die :( but glad quality time was spent and glad that i could spend time with people who came back from all the different awesome parts of the world and hearing all their crazy stories lol.

AND HUHU :( gonna hope for a smooth start in degree, YES I FINALLY DECIDED ON MY DEGREE. apparently its really hardcore shit hard, because a friend who was in the same accounting class as me in my second sem, came in one intake earlier whos doing the degree now, says ITS DAMN HARD AND IF YOU MISS ONE CLASS YOU WILL DIE BECAUSE ITS SO HARD TO CATCH UP and i believe in everything he says because he's one of the smart people that always ask questions in accounting class that i dont even know what the heck is he asking, too advance for me. so if he says ITS HARD THEN HOW FOR MEEEE :(

walaoz. im really trying to have all the faith in my heart and believe that i can do it. okay just incase you wonder what hardcore shit degree is this, its only accounting and finance hahaha wtf. people always ask wahh nat you doing medicine ah? you doing engineering ah? haha no its only a&f. okay provided i dont fail my stats, macro and calculus and kill myself, ill most probably be doing this degree ARGHHHH. its a UOL degree, and they freaking twin with LSE not really dream school BUT STILL, the chances of going there is like 0.0000001 percent. okay im really trying to have faith in myself because everyone is so discouraging :( EVEN MY FRIEND IN ALEVELS got rejected because they gave some crappy reason which i forgot was what AND SHE GOT STRAIGHT A'S T_T.

all these genius shit people from around the world with bloody calculator brains :( CANNOT USE CALCULATOR APPARENTLY WHILE DOING GAUSS JORDAN walao wtheck i will die :( :( really hope all goes well, and hope my last holiday to spore before everything starts to boost my kiasu-ness will do some good :( one good thing is that THEY HAVE THREE MONTHS BREAK YAY! thats the first thing i asked the counselor, whens my break hahaha! yes baby i was born this way (Y) gonna plan for bloody perth trip which is supposed to happen this week actually argh and also canada woohoo! if all goes well and if i havent died halfway while doing this course.

okkk, gotta get a grip and watch some phineas and ferb (Y). waseh im so sorry for all the negativity in this post, please dont be discouraged, whoever reads my blog must be really awesome and clever! :)

days like these

2011-07-12T16:21:00.002+08:00

i usually have swear quotas so that i dont exceed saying the f word, or so that it doesnt become a norm to me like how cussing is as if you're drinking water.

i think swear words are useful especially in times when you wanna express your anger or your rage, although i dont agree with the usage of it completely.

but seriously lol, i dont really care if your perception changes towards me if im rude or ignorant or spoilt and stupid. i just dont have those big vocab like how people always blog when they are upset. just because some people have better ways to filter it, unfortunately i dont. sigh sorry! i only have four words to sum it up though, short and easy to understand.

fuck you for doing this.

in the bones

2011-07-09T23:13:00.002+08:00

supposed to be studying macro and stats, but ended up napping way too long in the afternoon after watching gossip girl. dieeee. im so relaxed this sem, im so screwed damn it :(

ironic that the first call i got was from a good friend in the states and the first card i received was from a close friend in aust :) life. they always say good friends come in quality, and thats true :)

ex best friends, and an ex. will not spill much, too vulnerable and open.

and seriously, im not going all the way down to college on a sunday for a 2 hour practise which half an hour will be spent dilly-dallying and others for nonsensical things, its just irrelevant and completely bullshit. done being there when the rest of the whole group isnt, its amazing how selfish people can be. eventhough im being selfish now -_- but thats not the point.

the point is im super sleepy, and im so screwed for macro and stats :( argh.

ultimate

2011-07-04T22:24:00.002+08:00

weird. im gonna admit it, i think im really really weird. im really trying to stay at the same frequency as how old i am, but OMG PERRY IS KILLING ME :( i should be watching cnn and bloomberg and reading new york times, omg i read new york times for a short while i was online then phineas and ferb loaded and i got distracted :(

how now. im such a freakazoid :( BUT ITS OKAY IM SUPER HAPPY! :D you know, i used to be so happy last time. yeah i know im emphasizing on the word used. like nothing could bring me down, maybe except add math and accounts lol. sigh. but you know what, i think i found back the missing part of me, and although it isnt exactly all complete i think after so long, i found it back :)

perrrrrry :( got a perry mirror and a perry cellphone strap! thanks jie jo! <3 so happy la omg :'( can cry.

sucks tmr classes only start at one, but gotta revise freaking macro

followed perry on twitter! lol question of the week: is perry your boyfriend? :D

haha no lol, he's a platypus and he's a cartoon character, but he's really handsome and awesome! :D

the thing is

2011-06-27T22:45:00.004+08:00

sometimes we have so many things to say but we just dont know how to say it. and whether if we should.

always wished i was more artistic, but thank God for pictures.

watched a perry video today, really cheered me up :)

max tired.

emotions

2011-06-24T02:28:00.000+08:00

I cant believe im actually going to blog about this but this is one crappy lifehouse/the script emo nights even my ipod is against me, I shuffled it ten times and ten times either script will play or lifehouse will play I hate cos it ruins my sleep and my appetite to eat when I know im so hungry. my mum says she’ll have to be with me the whole time during my pregnancy cos she says im too emotional and she says when people get pregnant their emotions level multiplies by ten times, so she cant imagine how I would be when I am, if im even gonna be cos I don’t think I can ever bare the pain of childbirth thank god for epidural snifffffs. okay this is suppose to be the happiest day after 7 weeks of classes because midterms were over yesterday and I have two days of break yay! when you’re in college every day of break counts I don’t know how im gonna survive when working people have only fourteen days of annual leave god :( so anyway I thought I would spend my day catching up on all my series which is sucha bad idea because.

first I was so excited about perry, and I loaded it all on youtube and I started watching one by one. and it was kinda funny and sad some of the episodes and my sister wasn’t around so there was no one to comment and laugh together with me and I was all emo because I realized no one actually watches phineas and ferb at my age L everyone goes crazy about stuffs like glee and himym and bbt but nobody does about phineas and ferb and I was emo cos I thought I should maybe grow up and stop all these nonsense. but I really like perry and thus emo L the worst thing on earth is probably not have anyone share the passion you have about something but yourself. so sad L so I thought fine maybe I should just watch something more grown up and what people at my age would watch and I continued gossip girl season three and there was where all the drama began.

was watching this episode where dorota and vanya got married, and omg I just cried my eyeballs out. I cant remember how long I sat down there probably 40 mins because one episode is about 40 mins and i was so happy for dorota and vanya when they got married. they so deserve it, and its probably the highlight of gossip girl for me, so so so happy for them. the happiness they have and esp that im a sucker for kids and weddings and people who are happy, and when chuck and blair broke up. I think I died. I think blair is funny and so evil in the show at the same time, shes so great with words and when she was taking the whole break up thing with chuck for a moment there I actually felt her sadness I know Im so overreacting but its true L I don’t even know why im so upset about it its not me breaking up with chuck also, but yeah L

okayy then I thought fine maybe its just those period syndrome and suddenly she’s got you high started playing and I thought hey maybe I should watch 500 days of summer! saddest show in the entire world and I ended up crying even more like bobby just died or something. so I went down and talked to bobby and told him how much I love him and I remembered my sister telling me about her friend’s dog who before he passed away ran away from home, and then they went out looking for him. then suddenly my sister’s friend who was staying home waiting for him to come home while others looked for him saw him opposite the house underneath the tree. and his eyes were closed already, and he was facing the house looking into the house just diagonally opposite the house. apparently when dogs want to leave, they don’t do it in the house because they are afraid you’ll be upset by them leaving. and he was so reluctant to leave them because he was facing the house and when I heard that story my eyeballs just literally popped because it was so sad! I told bob if he is ever gonna leave he’s gonna leave us in the house and not run away to some other place, he’s our family, he’s gonna be in all our family shootings and wedding photos and etc L

sister came back and we watched some phineas and ferb. then after that we thought we would go out for some shopping since she needed to get some stuffs, we had bubble tea but didn’t die eventhough they say got carcinogen, and bought lots of stuff we don’t need but want L sorry mum and dad! but the shopping did some good because it cured some sadness. what to do when you have daughters as children L

then while we were eating suddenly we saw this guy from our school, now I really hope nobody reads my blog damn it, and I thought he was still the same old hot looking guy which he was back in high school, proves that my taste rocks please, but my sister was nononono where got hot la jie what taste you have in guys. ahhhh so hot damn it my sister’s eyes got prob, and when he smiled my sister gave the whole errr what look but I thought damn sweet lor pls L but anyways, after all the jumping around and grinning arguing with her I came home and started to go thru all the past year school magazines and got emo again L I wished I was either more active/involved in clubs and activities, and in ed board or be one of those super naughty kids who don’t listen to teachers/skip class go partayy/don’t do work but still get awesome results students :D I didn’t leave any impact in my school la damn it. should have left as a legend haha :D

then I saw my books and test papers and the biggest worry I had in high school was how I was never gonna get an A for bio or accounts and how add math was going to be the death of me and log used to drive me nuts but now that im doing calculus log is my best friend L and the saddest thing that would happen would be having to sleep late to study which I cant believe im freaking saying this now but I miss it L I wouldn’t mind doing it now everyday because the worst thing then is the best thing in life now then my sister said when we look back to who we are now we’ll laugh our ass off cos we have bigger stuff like house loans and credit cards and how im not gonna spoil my nephews and nieces in the future, what a sister.

then I got emo because my mum said cannot buy ice cream cos I was coughing but I swear it was only a little so no ice cream so sad L world is against me. okays shall sleep now hope tomorrow will be better! J since its happy Friday! J

cant believe I just typed so much bullshit.

self discovery

2011-06-18T18:59:00.002+08:00

you know how they always say when you are happy i am happy too?

self discovery, it doesnt apply to me

i sound like a selfish bitter person, but im so glad i discovered it. really.

if not now, when

2011-06-11T17:59:00.003+08:00

it has been a busy week, so much things to rush through and so much catching up to do on work because everything is so lagged. had wonderful dinner with elyas boy yesterday, he's such a clever, loving and wonderful 4 year old :) we had mashed potatoes, and sausages, and fried rice, macaroni, and so much food :) and the funny thing is haflway while we were eating, he asked me to write his name on the paper cup, and i asked him what else did he want me to write, and he said, can you draw a heart for me and write my mummy's name inside? :) and subsequently after that he asked me to draw three more hearts, one for daddy, jemmi, and esais with their names on it :) so cute :) he's going to grow up into one loving boy, cant wait for him to grow up :)

and i submitted my essay for my college yearbook and magazine, and i dont think i have been more encouraged in so long by the reply i got back :) my lecturer replied my email and she said i can write really well, and it was very cohesive, and now im gonna write one more article for the upcoming issue :) encouragement does wonders and its great to have somebody believe in you, and especially for someone to believe in you in the things that you want to do great in :) and so today when someone told me nat, you say youre awesome and you can do it so frequently that it doesnt mean much anymore cos youre saying it to everyone. but you know what, youre wrong :) when i say youre awesome or youre really clever or you can do it, i mean with all my heart than anyone could know. if i cannot mean it with all my heart, i'll just say i hope to hear good news from you, all the best :) its not that i have the rights to judge whether you can do it well or not, but its hard for me to give my highest hopes because as much as im cruel to not give my highest hopes, it would be even more cruel to give someone what i dont mean and say what i dont mean either.

made 2 wonderful discoveries! people who i thought were generally nice, turned out to be not so nice after all. you know how when someone jokes, there has to be a limit to it because really, no one wants an offensive joke? yeahh, im not angry or disappointed or anything, but im so glad i discovered it! like after all these times, and i always thought yeah they are so nice, and i wished everyone were as nice as them, but you know what, im glad i dont anymore. amazing discovery of how people you thought you knew so well, isnt what you know after all. and second, amazon! been going to amazon a lot lately, really bad :( saw a perry messenger bag, and i want it so badly! but its too ex, its 20usd and 10usd for shipping, too ex :( bad thing about this website is that they are all ex after you convert them, and you need someone thats staying in the States to get it for you, so then it will be cheaper :(

ahh so much calculus to do, i dont think i did so well in quiz. wednesday is judgement day and i hope i can finish memorizing all the formula by sat. cant wait for mid terms to finish. got my gossip girl, grey, and dexter waiting for me, so tempted but i shall not since summer is coming and all production stops then, so gotta divide equally all the episodes i have. been watching lots of burn notice too, this is bad :(

and im braces free! :) :) so happy :)

have a good weekend! dont think i ever felt like my week was so long, but it is. but got so much work, so i'll be drained out by the end of the day.

weekends are the best :)

i say what i like

2011-06-03T22:07:00.002+08:00

lol i thought of privatizing my blog because i feel like i say too much things here which i feel like i shouldnt say, like telling the whole world yeahhh this is my weak point, please come and take me down! or im having an emotional breakdown now, please come and intrude into my life awesome stranger! haha okay not funny, but then i realised i dont have to! cos nobody reads my blog, and im actually pretty happy about it hahaha, i can say anything i want (sort of) hahaha yay!

i've been inserting alot of swear words while blogging, and i know, people's general perception is that people who swear are not very nice etc. i mean i dont swear and say the f word like drinking water, but i dont see any fault of saying swear words when i need to express something out. i know it sounds so hypocritical (is there even such a word) like wahh youre altering the rules just because you cant follow it, but i dont think i swear that much (unless stupid and what the counts) unless im super pissed about something and there are no words to express my anger. when i start swearing, my anger level is 18039378947893 infinity. i know right, im pretty crazy, im scared of myself too sometimes :D no really -_-

anyway this is pretty random, but. i dont really say sorry much unless i mean it. i mean most of the time i give in eventhough its not my fault just for the sake of making peace and not give a shit anymore, but i realised that it isnt quite the right way. i mean im not saying that saying sorry is wrong, but even when you say sorry to make peace, you gotta mean your sorrys. i think saying sorry is pretty easy, unless you are an egoist, but if you dont mean it, then dont say it. and by meaning it, i dont mean by having the remorse, but to want to make up to the person you hurt. anyone can say sorry, but the thing is, the person who got hurt deserves more than an apology or someone that is generally very good with the word sorry and not mean a thing. being sorry means not wanting to ever do it again because of the hurt and pain you cause someone, and not just for the sake of brushing of the guilt from your shoulders. so really, know what you say sorry for, because sorry isnt a word to put things right into place after causing damage that probably might or might not be fixed.

okayyyy, today is deep from the heart matter day lol im freaking out myself. so much work to do. and so stressed :(

thank you for being here, eventhough you might not even know it, eventhough youre half a world away :)

trying to get

2011-05-28T17:13:00.002+08:00

all my shit together, i dont think i have slacked so much for the past year, the thought of me slacking is literally in my head every second and the guilt is about to explode anytime i swear. god, why am i so lazy :( i've got so much shit to do, and i dont even know wth i've been doing in front of the computer for the past 3 hours. been sleeping super early too, not maximizing my day enough, ultimate bullshit.

anyway, i stumbled across this article http://videogum.com/241512/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time-500-days-of-summer/franchises/the-hunt-for-the-worst-movie-of-all-time/ i seriously went wtf at this author. i was so pissed when i read it, on how insensitive this gabe author is on this movie. he/she i dont know what gender this absurd author is and i dont give a shit, but ( lets just pretend she is a 'she') her points are baseless and full of crap. first of all, i dont think she even watches that much of a movie to nominate 500 days of summer as the worst movie of all time, seriously man. the happening? what bullshit show was that? there are tons of other stupid movies out there like the whole scary movie chain, and i doubt how much she actually goes to the cinema. and wth is wrong with working in a card making company? and what is wrong with tom saying he hopes to meet the one and settle down one day, WTF IS WRONG WITH THAT? stupid critic, does she not want to settle down either, unless she's some bitter idiotic person who does not believe in getting married but that doesnt mean she should insult it grrrr. and seriously wth is wrong with tom and summer liking the smiths? is she so anti the smiths or did she date one of the band members of the smiths before and things got ugly or what. of course i can believe that both of them do like the smith, so what, everyone who shares common interest is lying la is it -_________-

omg im so freaking pissed right now. yeahp, i cannot take people insulting things i love especially if they're reasonings are all bullshit, even if the whole world says it sucks, im gonna stick by it, i think once i believe that something is worth enough to love and worth fighting for, that believe isnt gonna change. like in general, not only about 500 days of summer lol wtf.

have to finish stupid articles and my stupid sim card isnt working, bloody maxis! be more efficient please my god, sent it there this morning until now also havent work yet wth man, i cant stand inefficient people! kk chillings :)

kayyyy, stats zzzzzzz :( have a wonderful weekend everyone, while i freaking tabulate datas which i dont give a shit about -_-

she's got you high

2011-05-25T12:06:00.002+08:00

and you dont even know yet :) -500 days of summer soundtrack;

im sort of early for my macro class today wooohoo! happy! :) thats because all macro classes are at 830 :( and its so early :( and today im pretty early, i reached at 835? :p hahaha yay! but it was tutorials and im freaking out for macro quiz this sat! :( i hope gdp will be kind to me :( need to revise macro already, noooo time :( i know right, got time to blog, no time to macro, hahaha oh baby i was born this way :D

im gonna blog about my successful market outing with my mum lol wtf, it was a freaking success, though i doubt i would ever be going to the morning market in the future by myself, because, its too early! omg by the time i wake up, it will probably be noon :p and i dont know how to freaking converse in cantonese! my mum was getting ingredients for soup, and she needed some chicken parts which i still dont know what is it yet until now, zzzz im probably gonna get chicken fillet or fish fillet from cold storage next time if i need to cook them, my mum said poor husband and kids and she hopes i have an understanding mother in law wtf lol :( i cannot imagine slaughtering a chicken, yeah i know im such a chicken, i'll probably cry and convert into a vegetarian after that.

and i bought the best soya bean at ss2! :D so happy! the place there is usually so crowded and so packed, and if you get to buy the soya bean, its like major success to me! if you get to buy the tao foo fa, its success beyond comprehension, cos there is probably 1009 people queuing up, and guess whatt! i bought both! and i was the last customer that the uncle sold his tao foo fa to! hahahahaha! :D so happy! i know i get happy for the silliest stuffs, but hahaha yay! but he was kinda mean to the uncle next to me cos the uncle asked if there were any more tao foo fa, and the uncle who sold it said you want you come tomorrow la and gave this face -_-. poor uncle who wanted to but them! :(

dont bother making space for people who dont wanna stay :)

okiess, have to get back to moral, my god i have quiz later. moral is such a stewpid subject arghh! its ridiculous and so unmoral, i dont even know how it makes a moral person, arghhhh such a waste of my time, and its 4-530 summore omg massive jam and massive people going home can die :( emo!

and thank you aunty bonita, that was a pretty good awakening bonding session for 20 mins :)

when the devil throws lemons at you, God himself will make lemonades for you, amen :)

cant wait for the weekend to finish my two way overdue articles for magazine, and zzzz ! :)

500 days

2011-05-20T22:38:00.002+08:00

of summer :)

okay initially i thought it was a movie about summer as in the season summer, but it didnt make sense, cos where got such thing as 500 days of summer? theres only 365 days in a year, whole year summer? that would kinda be like in malaysia, but the reviews and rating given were pretty high, so i highly doubt it was a malaysian made movie, and so tada! the girl in the movie itself is called summer, and so they talked about the relationship between her and tom, he's so heart melting :'( :'(

i never thought i would find a movie that would describe my feelings at that moment. like for example, when i was watching fast 5, i felt sleepy, but the movie was so bang bang boom and had no sleepiness feeling at all. or when i was watching mulan 2 the other day at home, i was worried about calculus and the movie was about war, so i have no idea how it relates to calculus :/ the only time i had a relation to a movie was when i watched meet the robinsons when i screwed up accounts in high school spm trials :D its not a happy thing, but yay to meet the robinsons!

you know how sometimes when you watch a movie you feel like you're a part of the movie itself? like you see yourself inside the movie and how the character is so similar to you? well that only happens in a few parts for me, or like maybe one or two, but i swear this movie was seriously playing like my life, literally my life. maybe except the sex part and the working part and getting drunk in the bar part. okay maybe not EVERYTHING, but most of it.

and the quotes in there and the things they speak about and the places they went, okay you shall watch it yourself if you wanna find out :) like my heart was going to burst. okay it did kinda burst and so did my tear gland, its damn sad la okay! eventhough it was a happy scene, i dont know if it was a happy or sad scene to me, but i think it was more sad than happy? :(

overall im realy glad im watching it at the right time, and im so happy i did! :D it was a brilliant movie for me, i think if i watched it any other days it wouldnt have so much impact on me :) its the bomb im so happy, eventhough my eyes are swollen like crazy, i have to stop being so emotional about movies and books i just cant help it :(

been sleeping so early and not doing anything, i feel so guilty :( but sleep is essential, happy friday everyone!

watch 500 days of summer! :D

one of those

2011-05-17T22:04:00.002+08:00

everyday when i leave the house for college the one thing i look forward to no matter how sleepy or tired or cranky i am is that, i get to come home soon :)

if there was one thing i wish i was really good at,

2011-05-07T00:20:00.002+08:00

the pen is mightier than the sword.

okies, i planned to start with a really deep quote and sound all like an author in this whole post haha wtf, but nahh, i cant keep up, cos all the las and wth and seriously man will start popping out :D if there was one thing i always hoped i would be really good at, it would be to write. i mean, i would want other things too, like, be musically inclined, or be really artistic, draw nice buildings or dresses like how i see everyone else does it zzzzz, cook like a pro, jealous to the max, but as much as those are good, i would prefer to have a wider vocab and write better.

but unfortunately i dont. if i were to spend my time reading some really sophisticated essay, i think i would probably spend half the time being awed by it without knowing what the writer is trying to convey :( i really really envy people who can write well, getting their message conveyed in the most attracting way. like it leaves an impact for readers who read them and wanting more and more it of it.

i think generally if a person can write well, they can express their feelings better too. like for example, when my mum asks how was the exam, my standard answer would be, okayla. but seriously right, wth is okayla? -_- she might as well not ask me because it doesnt tell her anything. difficult, easy, killer? or when people ask what do you think of the movie nat? i would probably say, okayla, not bad, got hot actor/no hot actor. so shallow. sometimes, i feel like when people ask me, they might as well read the movie reviews -_-

thats probably one of the reasons why i really love reading. uh no, not my text books, bloody hell which reminds me of my calculus work damn it :( i think im starting to regret taking calculus, because seriously wth. its like digging my own grave and inviting everyone else to dance on it after that -_- i freaking hated add math, but tadah here i am counting the rate of change! okies anyway, screw it shall resolve it laters zzz. back to the point about reading. everytime i read any novels or stories or articles, even all those gossip magazines :p, i feel like they help me to convey what i feel or what i want to say. its an avenue for me to read what i wanna say out. crazy right, i dont even think it makes sense, but reading any novels or stories which have words to cater what i wanna say makes me so, happy :) hate all these good authors who can write and express what they want to describe :( i wouldnt mind spending the whole day at a bookshop :)

i secretly dream of going to prestigious unis like missouri, or yale, and be amongst all the genuinely good writers, that would make me so, uhm i dont know the right words to say it, see get my point?! :( like maybe, at ease and contented? :) i dont see it in reality, but i would wanna go there one day as a non-student, and soak in all the beautiful words that i would never dream or imagine or writing myself :)

Im Chuck Bass

2011-05-03T20:11:00.004+08:00

even Europeans must know what that means.

i've been watching too much gossip girl lately which i should stop already argghh but its just too nice :( and i think chuck is one character in the series who always gives me goosebumps and makes me think a lot about, i know right wth :( i cant believe im analyzing a character, seriously :( but i do find him really appealing and mind boggling and so darn attractive. although in the first season and second season i didnt had a sense of liking for him and i actually found him freakishly weird because he always had this evil/rapist/im a ghost look. now that im watching the third season, he is so. i dont know how to put it :( he still has his old habits of being snobbish and egoistic and cool, but there is something in him that changed and that change is so right.

i never understood why people always say i just dont think i can let you into my life because i love you too much and i cant afford to hurt you, especially in all those chinese dramas or even movies, and i'll always wth is this woman's/man's problem, is she blind, gay or just stupid -____- but now that i see chuck's character, i can absolutely relate to it. like how he always pushes people away, because he just cant risk meddling with his feelings. like it is a risk and huge gamble to take, because once you let someone into your life, you're allowing whoever it is, to be a part of everything you are. and sometimes that is just the risk people are not willing to allow happen, as much as the fun can go on, remorse has an equal chance of being involved too.

but im glad chuck did let blair come in eventhough he was reluctant in the beginning. i guess it reminds me that sometimes risks helps us to understand that although things might go bad, you'll only know what happens if you take it. and with just the right amount of balance, damage can be minimized, and we dont have to be stuck in the lifestyle we were brought up in, because we all have a choice to choose who we really want to be.

okay although it might sound crapish and ridiculous, that is what I feel la okay. stupid gossip girl taking up all my time :( had the best afternoon nap for so long because it was raining and yay! so niceeee! i thought it was 7 when i woke up but it was only 5, and stupid raining season only coming in when college has started seriously man :( but its okay, i shall be try being happy knowing that there is always a possibility is will rain at night and i can enjoy the cool weather too! yay! :)

i hope all goes well this semester although all my subjects are calculations based, hoping for the best, and everything shall be alright :)

for now. and the days to come :)

we think you're a joke

2011-05-02T21:17:00.002+08:00

the kind of feeling when holidays are over and reality hits you in the head that classes will commence and results of all the labor you've put in for the last four months will finally be known.

the kind of feeling when you thought you progressed well enough and you've made advancement and that you've already moved forward to better things ahead. the feeling that you thought you did and when the past comes back to haunt you telling you that you've been standing on the same spot the whole time, not moving an inch.

the kind of feeling when you really want to fix things and help yourself feel better knowing that you cannot feel like this any longer because you dont wanna look back regretting not maximising the best you had when you were younger only to regret later on when you dont have the opportunity anymore.

the kind of feeling when it hurts but there is no instant cure to it like how a panadol can cure a headache in an hour just like how it just did to mine.

the kind of feeling when you know that your head is telling you the right thing but your heart keeps telling you the opposite and you are torn between two directions and not at ease.

the kind of feeling when you know you did your best and if anyone ones to be a part of you, they will give everything to be a part of it, regardless how difficult it is because nothing is too difficult for them.

the kind of feeling when you know this is the last time you ever want to feel like this, because it not only robs a part of you, it robs your soul and everything you believed in.

no, it isnt a hyperbole.

and so

2011-04-30T11:57:00.004+08:00

my dad is away for some company trip, my mum is away for some work, my sisters are in school and camping and im all alone, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY! :D kidding :( sucks because nobody is gonna have lunch with me and i miss going to my sister's room and sitting down on her bed discussing what to have for dinner :( discussing what to have for dinner is probably my favourite pastime! :D find it so exciting! :)

sighhh my sleep cycle is so ruined im so screweddd :( i dont think its possible to return back to the whole waking up at 6 cycle omg thinking about it makes me wanna cry :( and saw my timetable schedule yesterday which i kinda arranged it to my best possible maximizing every single second in college, and THERES CLASS ON FIRDAY! heartbrokennn :(

i do hope my schedule is not taken up by everyone else, kiasu mode to get the best timetable on!

feel like sleeping now but i just had my favourite bedsheet and pillowcase washed and i only want to use that one so i cant sleep -_- gotta change my curtain soon, stupid sunlight in the morning is so freaking bright and hot and wakes me up from my super nice sleep, argh! stupid sunlight! stupid curtain! maybe i should get a super dark coloured curtain, like maroon! i shall propose that to the person who will pay for my curtains the next time we head to ikea yay! :) feel so freaking lethargic, maybe i should go clean my room or something :( but its kinda clean already, now i have to mantain the awesomeness of it :)

i tapaoed prawn mee for lunch yumyum, my mum was -_______- when i told her i wanna eat prawn mee, i hate prawns, and now im eating prawn mee. i have no idea why either but i told the uncle dont put the prawns inside and he was like. lu mai heh? tapi je le si heh mee. which translates you dont want prawns? but this is prawn mee. and i said biao kin, wa boh suka heh. which means its okay i dont like prawns, and he laughed and i laughed although i dont know whats so funny about it -_- but he's a nice uncle though! always gives my dad extra soup/prawn whenever my dad orders yay uncle!

my dad has been complaining about how im spending too much time on my farm. everyday when he comes home, he'll be omg your farm again? yeah he actually said omg in the funniest way ever and then he'll ask what plants i planted today and how many chickens and pigs do i have and wants to see my awesome farm everytime mwahaha! doubt i have time to fv after this, college starts and no more time to do anything i like :(

okay i shall how i met your mother now! :)

and thank god for labor day! one more day to rest! awesome! ;)

everytime i look at you

2011-04-28T14:18:00.005+08:00

you always look so beautiful :)

havent updated for so long, and since i have break now which will end in a few days im so sad :( i shall update! :) i've been watching loads of phineas and ferb, because of perry! :) perry is the cutest platypus ever, and i actually forgone how i met your mother and nat geo wild for p&f! everytime they go perrrrrry! and perry jumps out into his agent p costume i literally laugh and smile and go all hyped up because perry is so cute! and perry is one hot name although i used to think it was kinda sissy? ALL THE PERRYS IN THE WORLD, IM SORRY :( perrrrrry! hehe :) i told ram about perry and that he was the cutest platypus ever, and ram said yeah yeah, katy perry is damn hot -___- hahaha! i laughed my ass of though :p

this two week break has been relaxing although too fast, didnt do much, just lazed around and sleep and farmville, went to camerons for a few days and all was good :)my sleeping cycle is abit ruined now though, have to return back to the whole college cycle soon, sigh i do hope with all my heart that this upcoming semester will have an awesome timetable and that i get to come home early everyday and no classes on fridays :(

i've been looking through all the old high school pictures, and i reeally miss high school although i dont know how i survived staying in a classroom for five years which was so freaking hot :( wanted to blog about high school, but too many things to say, and im so sleepy now :( shall do that soon! and high school shaped me to the person i am today, and i dont regret any of it :)

i hope it will be a lovely day for everyone tomorrow :)

when

2011-04-16T18:50:00.002+08:00

you dont know how to say it and words fail you, tears will take the role of your words and everytime a tear comes out it represents all the sadness, hurt, disappointment, regret, and the soreness of your heart that words can only merely describe.

its okay to be sad.

i think my heart aches

2011-03-30T11:53:00.003+08:00

i think if i were to name the most emotional person i have ever met, that would be myself hahaha! sometimes i secretly wish i was a guy because guys are less emotional and they live such carefree lives worrying only about things like gaming and how fast their internet speed is and the worst thing that could possibly happen to them would be their team losing a match or when they cut their hair and go all emo about it because they feel like its bald when there's still hair there obviously -.-

but being a girl is just too much funn! hahaha. shopping, dresses, make up, sleepover, and i can cry whenever i want and its completely okay :p thank you God im a girl! hahaha!

been really busy with assignments, and quizzes and presentations! even though im super tired, but there is something to be keep me occupied :) cant wait for sem break which is two weeks from now after finals! so much stuff to do, gossip girl, clean my room, himym, sleep, catch up with everybody, vacation, orphanages, big bang theory, and everything else! excitement! :)

lucas scott once said when you're truly tested, you discover who you really are. and i've never been a big fan of tests and changes, i love things to stay constant and safe. and the things i am willing to take risks for are very exceptional, for which all have been considered thoroughly and through that i wont possibly regret it if anything happens. but i think as we grow older, there isnt a 101% sureness and confirmation that this is going to be the absolute choice, and that everything will work out just the way you want it to be.

and so for the times when i thought i couldnt make it through ever because there is no possibility that it is going to work out, i think i did. and at times when i didnt know if it was the absolute firm decision, i took it anyway, with uncertainty. but things eventually work out anyway. and when i look back, im glad i did it, although i never knew what would have happened if i took the other one, the road not taken wtf hahaha.

and so i hope even as my heart pounds with uncertainty and fear, it would be the same even for this.

too old

2011-03-20T19:01:00.002+08:00

i've been waiting too watch one tree hill season 8 since eternity ago, and i was so outdated because everyone kept talking about brooke getting married and clay and queen and everything else! and finally when i got the episodes. i stopped watching after the first eight minutes and switched to how i met your mother. i have no idea why, but when i was watching it then. i felt so. sad. its almost as if i could feel the soreness in my heart, and how it was so receptive towards the soreness. and it wasnt even a sad scene. it was about all the good things! except for a few parts, but other than that, it was all good! i think i might have to just stop watching one tree hill. after all the years i grew up with it, and all the good things i believed in when i watched it. like its not there anymore.

and so now what. haha himym and gossip girl! gossip girl is just so. carefree. you dont have to put your emotions in it and when they break up or if they get together, every other things dont seem to affect you in such a big way. like its suppose to be or its okay it is this way. but for one tree hill, the emotional entanglement is just so. tangled? and i thought of grey's anatomy marathon! crazy, i dont think i would be able to finish one season of GA! hahaha :)

its monday already, and. hopefully i survive the week ahead with accounting results coming out tomorrow. quiz 1, quiz 2, mid terms. 44 freaking percent. if i get less that 40. i think my heart might just break. dont know who to turn to.

hahaha. have to study accounts. dman hard please :( and gossip girl if i have time, which i doubt so :( haveee a good week everybody, though nobody reads this :p hahaha yay! :)

clueless

2011-03-10T20:25:00.003+08:00

freaking finally finished my term paper! nearly died sooo tired omg :( was trying to fix the margins and thing, and i realised i really suck at microsoft word! :( i thought iwas pretty okay, like can tahan, but i really suck -.- initially all the margins were pretty alright i think, and then i printed out the format in letter size! bloody hell! i remembered checking it about a million times, to be set at a4 but nooooo, it switched to letter! and formatting is about, LIKE TEN MARKS? arghhhh :( STUPID APA, WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT FORMATIING GAY LORD :( and everyone has to hand in at the first fifteen minutes of the class, so no point risking my 20 percent for a small margin :( stupid marginnnn. stupid microsoft word! so the point is, make sure you finish up all your assignments one week before the date line! -.- and learn all the tricks and awesomness of MO as soon as possible :p

i dont know if its me or what, but i think secretly everyone is trying to ruin my happy friday! cts quiz, 430-530? APA ITU? WHO THE HECK HAS QUIZ ON A FRIDAY? EVENING?! this is beyond violating the rules of friday, this is CRAZY! ABSURD! DISASTER! so. pissed right now. but i have no energy anymore after the term paper thing, so im pretty calm -.-

tomorrow is friday yay! im so happy but i have no energy already, happy friday everyones! :D

having a coke with you

2011-03-04T19:42:00.003+08:00

i forsee a busy weekend! have to finish up this term paper, which carries about 35 awesome percent out of my whole advanced english subject :s been busy flipping pages of the APA guide which is the bible of everything in this term paper, so tedious :( too many references and citations to be done, hopefully all goes well this weekend :)

this semester has been pretty hectic, a lot of projects and tests especially after the midterm, and lecturers are really rushing to finish up the syllabus. like for accounting, 3 hours would cover one chapter of accounts plus all the tutorials. all the people in my class are geniuses, they ask questions that i dont even understand what they mean :( really looking forward to the end of the semester although next semester would cover even tougher subjects :s im so sleep deprived :(

happy friday, have a good weekend!

the thing about

2011-02-20T16:53:00.003+08:00

priorities is that it changes overtime.

that is the whole point of priorities isnt it :)

and so who am i, to question you about what is and what is not important to you anymore

sometimes it feels like

2011-02-19T01:53:00.003+08:00

im so hungry i can die this instant :( arghhh ate dinner too earlyyyy, cos i was too hungry and now im starving like a. cow? thank god my dad is still awake :(

the only reason why i drank that coffee was to stay awake and study, and now, im blogging :( stupiddd cofeeeeeee :( and then when i need to REALLY stay awake and REALLY study, the coffee fails me :( i have this vision regretting my not maximizing fully the ''awakening'' period now to study :( which will come true :( I CAN SEE IT RIGHT NOW OMGGGG :( wasted one whole afternoon napping, -.- by napping it means 3-6. and i have to watch this series at six which im so addcited to shitttt :( so drama, cant miss a single episode of it :( no willpower.

and so i thought after midterm can relax and yayyy! but then TADAAHHH! AWESOMNESS! term paper comes in! the other day i was just doing two paragraphs, i swear i took one whole afternoon. and i need to have at least 2000 words, awesome or what! -____-

havent been watching himym for so long, and was supposed to watch 127 hours, apparently super inspiring according to jin, but no time at all omg :( its supposed to boost motivation for my life or whatever shit and all awesome, but no :( no timeeee.

my stupid braces wire are killing me, I HATE YOU BRACESSSSS OMG :( some people say you'll miss it after you remove them, i can puke the oreos and milk i just drank out right now -.-

was walking back the other day, and suddenly someone called me so loudly from the kindy! :') so happy that rusell still remembers me omg, XIANHUI! THE HOT MIXED KID! :D i used to ''teach''him chinese, eh my chinese awesome k, and he still remembers meeeee! :) yayyy rusell!

i hope to find the missing part which has been gone for so long. and when i do, i doubt im gonna give it away.

and for once in my life, im so sure of the details i want it to be, its so clear in my head, and i can think about it all day long. and all im waiting now is just for God to send over :) afterall

i deserve the best.

everyone does :)

nerd mode onz. tomorrow :)

happiness is when

2011-01-16T21:32:00.004+08:00

i get the groupings i want for this semester! happy happy! :D

okay its not exactly my ideal timetable because there are so many 3 hour breaks in between which farmville tada comes in! hahaha. but unfortunately i wanted to die already reading the first chapter of thinking skills book, and there are about 400 pages to sort of ''understand'' which to me means memorize, and thus tada! no more farmville! not. once a farmviller forvever a farmviller! but its gonna be one crazy sem, so hard la all the subjects. but initially it was one class on friday which 230 till 4 omg :( and after going to the office almost everyday and sort of complain by raising my voice kinda a little bit which i apologized later on the guy, i feel so bad, but the timetable management sucks seriously, but conclusion is, i still have a friday class, because no matter what they will always be a friday class, but its in the morning, so thank God! still happy friday, eventhough theres class, but oh wells, at least its in the morning!

bryan is in K1! k1 is for the five year olds, but he's only four, ahhh so cute! :) i hope he's doing well, and even if he merajuks all the teachers will still be kind to him, poor thing :(

cant wait for cny, omg yay! :)

hate mondays, have a good week everybody! :)

its almost the end

2010-12-01T11:28:00.002+08:00

its finally december omg wtheck, and just two days ago when i was turning the calendar from november to december, i kinda, sort of, a little cried :/ emotional shit i know, wtf turn calender also can cry :(

2010 is coming to an enddd, and so are exams coming to the crappy beginning, starts on a saturday wtf, what exams start on a saturday, yeah my exams. and the best part, ends on a the next saturday, oh wonderful! there goes two awesome fridays which will be spent im sure not on studying too, my will of studying kinda died, and it sucks :/ no more passion and so called fire wtf, hahaha, unlike high school when the passion was there, sort of :)

i dont think i can handle dramas anymore in 2011, and i just wanna see other people's drama, hahaha take a break, but everyday in 2011 is gonna somehow come back to 2010 and now the quote the past will haunt you down hahaha wtf will be experienced, i practically wrote down almost everything that happened everyday, the day i went to work, the day i met bryan cutiee pie <3 <3 <3, the day bryan finally spoke to me, the first words bryan said to me, which is natolwee, i want milkmilk :) sighhh, the day i went for field trips, the day i gossiped with aunty bonita and made her my best buddy in kindy, the day i went to the effing not a help at all education fair, the day i took my driving exam, the days where i stayed up at night and talked till late on the phone, spm results, and almost every other significant awesome, happy, sad, funny days, which happened so fast and crazy.

and my only hope now is to finish my exams, and. sleeeeeep :) and wait for chinese new year, i dont care about christmas, i dont feel anything during christmas unfortunately, i mean is happy and all, but i dont :D :D :D like how i :D :D :D for cny.

cant believe my sister is in form 4 next year, :') can cry :) so big already.

i hope for everything good to be brought forward next year, and i hope to find back a part of something i lost this year, and go on a holiday, which im crossing my fingers for :)

it sucks when your capabilites are limited by the amount of resources your have, like how some people have no money to go to top unis because they charge fees that cost 50 times the amount of the money they pay for their house, or how some people think they can do anything just because they have money, and i cant believe you, of all people, you're one of the most intellectual friend i have, would say its just too bad that they dont have money to study they like and i do its such a pity, when you have no money, you might as well forgo your brains. were you even in your right mind.

wtf i think i screwed up computing :x

independence

2010-11-22T22:11:00.003+08:00

is the best, you dont depend on anyone, nobody depends on you and all is awesome :)

go back

2010-11-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

omg :( my heart hurts :(

like i could do anything

2010-11-06T13:28:00.005+08:00

im suppose to be studying right now. but :( life sucks.

so anyway, i bought my count duckula duck on farmville, and its the most worth it investment i have ever made, since it cost me 14 farmville cash, 14 usd? but noo, the fv cash just accumulates as you go up a higher level, unless you purchase them with your credit card wtf, and its hardwork of clicking and harvesting, but its so darn cute and it actually has a black cape and a vampire teeth sticking out, and it will move its cape towards its beak (is it called a beak?) and does this cunning laugh, sexy to the max, cutie pie duckyyy, i lovee you!

i cant believe im having my finals in lesss than a month wth, did i not just enrol into college like yesterday -.- i barely remember what happened, and. i cant believe this sounds so emo shit, but i dont even know what im doing :( feels like i just want to get thru this, and people keep saying college years are the best years of your life or is it uni, but for now i dont see whats so great about it besides getting to wear anything i want, and. its modular, so i dont have to remember five years or work for one exam. and. thats all? :/ but i dont have that amount of time to think about it being purposeless, since everything is in such a rush, like a train that charges with full speed, which of trains, unstoppable was not bad, but chris pine isnt hot anymore, sorry.

and i saw this kindy boy and he said NATALIEEEEEEEEE! and came running like i havent seen him for ages, omg, lucky i never cry :( and he started telling me about emily and edward and im so outdated, its the new trains in t&f , never ending new collections, con parents money only, which i will never fall for in the future, never say never right haha. anyway, the thing about kids enthusiasm is that they are never afraid to show it, and they mean it with all their heart, sincere and transparent. when they love you, they really do, like how i see them loving their friends, which is quite a rare occasion, because most of the time they just argue on whether ben 10 is cooler or thomas and friend is better, but when they do, they mean it. i miss bryan :(

had the most productive friday at liesa's place, i think we didnt stop talking from 10 till 5, except when we were watching a walk to remember, and my heart was about to burst with tears, because that is one of the most probably sincere love story ever written, every movie now is filled with sex and sex and more sex, compare dear john to a walk to remember please, the movie didnt even follow the book wtf, the book was the bomb, and channing tatum totally saved the movie -.-

just read one of the most sincere birthday cards i have ever received, and i know you didnt like to say much, but thank you for making me feel like i can do anything, and i hope you're at your best now too :)

have a goodie weekend, GOD GIVE ME THE POWER TO STUDYYY! :(

trains and time

2010-10-27T09:26:00.004+08:00

is it me or am i just especially tired today zzZZz. cant wait to go home from college to my nice comfy bed, likey yay yay! :)

so anyway, since im taking public transport to college somedays, when i dont have the same timing with my class and aggy's class, thank you for fetching me home aggy! :) i think, it sort of opened my eyes to alot of things and new discoveries, hahaha. public transports take up a lot of time, because sometimes buses have to go all the way to different places and im like eh! didnt we cross this place already? omg did i fall asleep, or what, but mainly the bus is just making one round like in the whole ttdi, and with my awesome geographical skills, i obviously suck in recognizing roads, which i inherited from my dad, hahaha :)

and people in malaysia, are psycho! aggresiveness as if like there is free supply of food for the rest of their lives waiting for them in the bus if they get in first, they push and they dont queue up and they cut queue and they are rude. the first time when i was waiting for the bus, there were just a few aunties and some working people, and i thought all of them seemed very polite , but when the bus came tada! like craziness please. but i guess its sort of survival skills, and you sort of have to take care of yourself because other people wont kind of thing. so i guess my survival skills kinda improved :D i think. hahaha.

and im extremly thankful that we have two cars, thank you God! some people have to take buses even on weekends or whenever they need to go anywhere because cars are so freaking expensive in malaysia with their stupid taxes, DAMN HIGH TAXES, and cars in overseas are so much more affordable, MUCH MORE AFFORDABLE. and especially older people who have to take buses, i've seen quite a few, and it really breaks my heart because sometime people wont even stand up for them WTF. stupid citizens, either their blind or else, they ought to most probably be heartless shit, screw you asses! or pregnant ladies, especially since buses are shaky and unstable :(

i really need to start learning how to drive, because, its a disgrace, really. i mean what is there to possibly be scared about right on the road, except for crazy drivers, and scary roads, and accidents hahah, im scared :( i need this motivation list like, how i cannot depend on my future husband to fetch me everywhere, or how i wont be rich enough to afford a driver, and how i need to pick my kids up from school, and all those nonsense excuses to boost my ego and courage. I NEED TO DRIVE.

farmville is taking up alot of my time, but its so darn addictive :( wasting my life on a freaking virtual farm!

two more days to friday, oh so happy yay, until the lecturer just mentioned freaking seconds ago, IT HAD TO BE RUINED with an extra replacement class, WHY LA WHY :( heh though its just 11-1230. BUT STILL LA WHY. wake up early, take bus and die :( my happy friday is gone forever, cruelty!

absence makes the heart grow fonder? my ass.

please dont justify, oh wait, it never did.

25

2010-10-16T22:20:00.003+08:00

just opened fb and i saw this 25 random things about yourself, quite cute! :) funny things about friends you dont know about, and i tired doing it, but i thought it would be nicer to post it here rather than fb, lazy to tag people, as usual :p although noone reads it, but it's just for fun :)

1) having God in my life helps me to love and forgive easier :)

2) Meet the Robinsons is my favourite movie in the entire world, and always will be.

3) i love chinese new year, not because there are lots of money coming in to fill my wallet lol, but because i get to spend time with my grandparents and the rest of my family.

4) i grew up with one tree hill, and i will never get bored watching it :)

5) red is my favourite color

6) the i really mean im sorry and i would want to make it up to you means more than the im sorry for screwing up part for me.

7) my favourite part of the mall is the bookshop, hahaha! whether im reading the books there dont really matter, just like being there :)

8) my favourite word is to the max, love you to he max, shit you to the max, tired to the max :)

9) i believe that one should always start a text by saying hi or reply a text by saying hi first, it makes a difference.

10) whenever im angry or sad or disappointed about something which i cant possibly amend, i'll drown myself with LOTS work so that i'll sleep straight away when i hit the bed and not think about it.

11) i shall make sure my kids learn a music instrument, unless they dont like it.

12) old people sitting alone during meals, having to say bye to my grandparents everytime we go separate ways, sad movies, books and song make me cry.

13) im afraid of ghosts, lol wtheck hahaha, im afraid to open up to people. like they might just sell all my secrets away if i offend them in anyway :/

14) im quite kiasu at times heh .

15) i dont see a point in expressing what i feel about it if it isnt going to get any better after doing so.

16) i love my high school friends, some :p

17) i type all my texts in small alphabets unless im pissed off lol.

18) only pyjamas are allowed on the bed hahaha, no other clothes, dirty :(

19) sometimes when people are sad and i cant find the words to say to them, it upsets me in a way.

20) the person on text and the person on the phone and the person i see physically should be the same kind of person they really are inside.

21) im damn scared of driving :(

22) i think if you love and care for someone, you mum, your dad , your sisters, or whoever, you take an effort to find out what they like and love, because it matters to them, and they matter to you.

23) before i die, i must attend a lifehouse concert :)

24) im afraid of spinning things, like the fan :/

25) having bobby in our family is awesome! :)

make your own list, i would wanna see! :)

have a great sunday! :)

trust me, i tried.

growing up

2010-10-05T12:58:00.004+08:00

omg a boy in kindy is gonna celebrate his birthday and i used to teach him and he is so adorable omgg! :') his name is chi joo, and he'll tell me super alot of stories although he's like, only three and he'll cry to the max everyday in school and challenge of my life man, train my arms, now got muscle already, everyday carry and pat him on the back :')

im so excited to get his present, and i was at curve the other day and i thought that maybe thomas and friends got only like a few items la right, but there is a whole section on books, tumblers, files, bags, food containers, wth -__- so i totally failed to decide, because all look super cute okay, and now i dont know how. last time where we got bother what bottle we use one -___-

the joys of seeing kids grow up, which is not entirely true because i cant imagine when bryan grows up :( not like he still remembers me, waste all my freaking effort of sneaking him a few chocolate cookies which he loves, and giving him his milk extra early, damn bias i know hahaha, and giving him his favourite bed all the time, must be blue color one, if green color, he will switch the bed with the other blue one, omg so freaking cute :') and the blanket must be the same one, why are kids so smart now, i dont even remember how my blanket looks like when i was younger and not like i really cared heh :)

beginning of this year was the best time of my life, i was super contented with everything i had, although it was damn freaking tiring, but it was good :)

and so will it be forevermore :)

creeps

2010-10-01T16:19:00.004+08:00

work work work.

charlie st cloud was a disappointment :(

scared to the max :(

furthest

2010-09-24T13:06:00.006+08:00

i should be totally studying and doing something more beneficial but. its friday come on, what an excuse :p

i was planning to save this for the end of the year, but there are too many things that has happened, and i just need to write this all down so that i dont forget, since now that i cant even differentiate what events happened on what year and i used to be so good at this, people will tell me different events that happened and i could just YESYES I REMEMBER! but now, its just. uhhh. when? last year? or was it when we were form four. so yes, writing is important, people! :) helps you remember. or more for people who like me who cant remember a thing :/

1) the new covenant church

this is one of the most significant and best thing that has happened in my life :) i learned so much about God in a different way, and i felt so renewed and changed. hearing the grace message was something so fresh and amazing, and my sisters are in church too now, and im so glad for everything. although i had some complications in the beginning, it was God's goodness that helped much, and. i do miss youth group which i grew together for five wonderful years. but all is good, because God is good! :)

2) kindergarten and kids

kindergarten was, amazing. this is my first job, whoohoo! and i have no regrets although it was super tiring, i finally had a taste of working with kids, and they are the cutest more sincere beings you can ever imagine. i learned about the different latest cartoons on market, like, thomas and friends, ben ten, strawberry shortcake, dora the explorer and tons of others. i must be super outdated, because the only cartoons i know are only, tom and jerry, powerpuff girls, spongebob squarepants, leaque of super evil, and hahaha the list goes on. i learned how to test the temperature of the milk, wrap the kids in towel, put them to sleep, and laugh and play with them because there are no worries for them everyday :) i met wonderful aunties, wonderful colleagues, modern parents, modern grandparents, modern cars -__- and bryan! :) cutest, more adorable boy in the whole kindergarten! :)

3) tears and wipes

the most tears i have ever shed since i was a baby. fears, sadness, joy, difficulties. and also that kleenex are the best wipes to use, because they are really durable and they are the best quality tissues i have ever used. and trust me, when you need to cry, you just cry, and you'll feel much much better and damn tired also -___- but it trains your stamina to the max! :)

4) driving and wheels

scariest thing i have ever done. ever. maybe not driving. but the exam. although i failed twice. ahem. omgggg. i am still so glad that i finally passed my exam, although im not driving yet for now, guilt guilt :) the driving exam place is. scariness scale from one to ten, its eleven. i will never ever ever ever ever ever ever go there again, until. the day emeline takes her exam. i am glad that my driving instructor isnt calling me anymore, because everytime his number appears, my heart bursts. like literally. but thank god for you, because you never stopped believing in me, although the whole world did then and i am grateful :)

5) cuts, bruises, blood

i've had the most nose bleed this year lol. on the computer table, on my bed, in restaurants, in the shower, which freaked me out, because blood in the shower like those ghost movies :'( i've also experienced period cramps after forever which is omg -____- the time of the month that i wished i was a boy. had red eyes, like a vampire, hahaha scared crystal like crazy. imsonia which is the worst thing that can ever happen to a pig like me which i dont get why is still happening to me -__- and fevers, and flus, but by God's stripe, we are healed! amen!

6) results and scholarships

hahaha spm results! craziness to the max. it was a thursday which i so clearly remembered. and the night before i still went for a movie. and laksa. supposedly my last meal and last movie hahaha :) liesa was freaking out as much as i did, and we were all im going to die, like now. was on the phone the whole night, thank you jianny :) and by morning i was tired out and freaked out, and tada, thank god it wasnt my last meal and last movie hahaha :) scholarship applications, interviews, thank you kor yew juan and jie su :) and despite all the rejection i had, i guess things worked out for the better :)

7) farmville

the best game i started playing and unfortunately also addicted to now, i must cut down!

8) uncertainty and college

decisions on courses which was blardy difficult for me. i went for form six a little while, and i never disliked anything so much my entire life, and im glad its over. so finally that im a settled down now, i hope everything goes well and smooth, for it was one heck of a turbulance period for me, but i survived through it yay!

9) love and bliss

i had the best one month of my life which i will never trade for anything else, because experiencing that changes your life in everything and really, everything. and every aspect, for which we'll only know when it comes which im glad it came. and the many good and trying months after, but despite it all, still good and amazing :)

10) bookshops and bobby

i found the remedy! whenever sadness comes, all i have to is shower bobby lol :) he's such a cutie pie, and he is one of the best thing that has happened in our family, and we love him so much. and bookshops! the children's section and all their wonderful books of kindness and love and princesses and horses and alphabets and numbers make my day :)

11) work and office

working was a eye opener, and not that i did much in the office, but i had good colleagues and now i get a taste of what my parents and other millions of people go through everyday, and it was good! :) im glad that i worked, and i picked up a few things along the way like, learning how to write a proper cheque, franking cheques, using the photostate machine in the most efficient way and to be careful in everything i do, thank god my colleagues arent impatient or evil, because if they were, :s hahaha. its all about making the best out of everything, and hopefully i did :)

12) high school and friends

i miss high school so much, that i had dreams i went to school and i was so happy :) i miss everyone, and im glad nothing much has changed although everyone is in different places now, but when get together comes along, it feels like im back home, and there is no feeling of awkwardness :) next year is going to be difficult when everyone starts leaving, but things always work out in the end, so whatever it is, it will just go and come like it should :)

13) best friend and sisters

liesa :) best friend in the whole world, i wouldnt have survived without you. of all the dramas and craziness, and laughter, you never judged me for once no matter what i went through, and you always always made time for me, no matter how busy you are :) youre just like my sisters, and im glad to have you in my life :) omg like les only -___- hahaha, BUT I DONT CARE, I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND! <3

and so many other things which i cannot remember for now, but its already september! three more months to the end of 2010, and, sigh. this year has been so fast, i barely had a chance to grasp everything. and now that i have the chance, its just been crazy. the guilt is maximum now, because i have to studyyyy omg :'(

have a good weekend everyone, happy friday! :)

calif

2010-09-16T17:43:00.002+08:00

if this is suppose to work for the better then why is there this heavy difficult feeling in my heart.

four days of break! :) gotta finish up all assignments and work which should be done soon! :) showered bobby today, he's so squeaky clean for ten seconds until he decided to roll on the grass, waste all my effort -___-

have a good break everybody!

i want to recognize the undisclosed desires in your heart-muse.

gzzzzz

2010-09-03T23:32:00.002+08:00

no class on fridays, no class on fridays! :)

visited the kindy to surprise xianhui, hi xianhui! :D look super cute in her baju kurung hehe :) and i saw the love of my live, bryannnn :') he totally ignored me but he is still so cute, omggg :( and he always sits infront while waiting for parents pick-up, and he helped to take the stand to the corner omggg he is such a big boy now, and he's going to grow up so fast :( :( and the other day i was at ikea, and i saw this kid with the same shoes as him, the yellow stitch crocs, stupid kid, didnt even suit him at all and i missed him so much :( the things kids do to your heart :(

on the other hand, i hate my math lecturer, the first thing she said when she came in was, ohh i taught a-levels math for three years, and your math is reallllllyyyy easy compared to theirs and she gave the look that i hate -____- and after that we were supposed to get this tutorial book, but the guy needed to get the book from the bookshop and she wanted us to finish the questions by monday and obviously how is he going to get the books on thursday itself which was our first class, because obviously not everyone brought enough money and not everyone has class on fridays and it was by the end of class that she told us, and all of us were going separate ways, its not like high school where we all stay in the same class for one whole day kay -______- stupid.

so i asked her nicely if we still had to get the books and finish it and she said try and im like. uhh, how? get the books now? then she said just try to finish it, i took only about 2 hours to finish and i said, but how? we dont have the books. can we just do it on monday since its tutorial anyway. and she gave the dont-give-excuses-you-lazy-student stare LIKE WTHHHHHH. dudeee, its not like we dont want to do it, we CANT do it because we dont have the books. is she stupid or what, how can she not get it. and after that she said, we'll just do in class then, but dont always repeat this, only this time. of course only this time la, we'll have books after this one you noob -___- and we can do it at home, so that we can ask you any questions during tutorial with your fast rate of crappy explanation. and she keeps asking students to go out and solve simple questions which takes up alot of time, if you do it for difficult questions or for some questions, then its okayla, BUT FOR EVERY ONE? OMG I HATE HERRRR.

thank god im only seeing her for four months, stupid but thats damn long already. hopefully i survive her classes, and summore math is a subject which im doomed to be crappy at, omggg la whyyy :( i miss you puan lee :(

dad has work tomorrow, stupid company, wth ask your employees to go work on a saturday. you think people no need family time one is it. go die la stupid company.

sorry im just an angry person today. zZZZz.

have a good weekend! :)

nowhere to run

2010-08-30T13:16:00.002+08:00

i had the best assam laksa and it didnt have to cost thirty bucks for a bowl! :) there is this stall at kota damansara, inside a hawker stall, D.U Cafe, which is. the bomb! seriously. i can taste the fish chopped up finely, and the soup is spicy enough even without the cilipadi and its a (Y). im hungry now -____-

the only edible laksas' to me, besides the one from kd, are the ones from this man at pasar malam, he usually sells laksa and also prawn noodles, can easily find him at ss2 on thursdays and sundays at taman megah, whoohoo and all the others are at penang x)

my grandparents always make sure i eat laksa whenever im back. there was once when we were going to a restaurant and my grandma packed laksa to the restaurant because they were having seafood hehh :) pampered to the max, i like! :D yes people who dont appreciate seafood are stupid, i admit and agree im one of them :p but whateverzzzz. spicy food are the best, baba nyonya genes maybe :)

i hate mondays, but mondays are good now because there is fighting spiders! :D soon lee! :) he is a more of a man than any guy i know now. i love the series, although it does give me mixed feelings. because it reminds me of things i dont want to remember anymore.

haha yeah i wish i was more of a man too. i wanna be tougher and evil, like bowler hat guy. i hate it when things of the head messes with the heart. girls usually listen to the heart more than the head and i suppose sometimes we ought to listen to the head sometimes. i wonder how people just let go and forget things that once mattered to them for do they not miss it? and when the heart isnt there anymore, we dont know what to do or how to fix it because we dont know what went wrong. then we become sad, and our hearts feel like it is going to burst. we keep coming to the same spot, and it happens like a cycle. and we hope we can keep moving forward and go away, but we know our hearts always go back to square one.

what are we supposed to do.

bowler hat guy is not a bad guy, he has a kind heart, i would be his friend.

i think sometimes emoing is my forte, besides eating laksa and sleeping :)

and happy birthday seba, you lobster! :) hope all is well for you at the states, my campbell soup partner, and may our prayers of cheap air flight tickets and air asia flying there come true although US will never be in Asia :p US is better than UK forever, and i agree! :) may you be a legendary engineer, come back soon!

hafta good break tomorrow everyone, everyone can sleep in, run errands, go on dates, watch movies, do homeworks, and do anything they like! :D

God bless! :)

spiders

2010-08-20T13:37:00.003+08:00

hehh. been watching this singapore series lately because crystal started watching it, FIGHTING SPIDERS! :D soon lee! :) :) :) iz the manz. hahaha.

and God gave me more than what was supposed to be given for my college scholarship, which im really grateful for, eventhough its only for the first year, because to some people, going to college is like. buying clothes. they just go, and they know funds are there. but for some, going to college. is like going to college.

okay cut the buying clothes part, it doesnt make sense.

thank you God, thank you for everything eventhough i dont deserve it, but thank you for your grace :) and thank you lis :')

and time by hans zimmer, i dont know how can it get any betterrrrrr! :) its the bombbbb! i want to play a music instrument :) thats my long term goal hehehe :)

and its going to be okay :)

happy friday! :)

clever

2010-08-15T16:14:00.002+08:00

would you ever want to leave,

maybe you could not believe it,

that my love for you is blind,

but i couldnt make you see it,

couldnt make you see it,

that i loved you more than you'll ever know,

when part of me died when i let you go.

for what

2010-08-12T22:42:00.003+08:00

i think i went thru so much shit this year that it opened my eyes to how monotonous things were and how safe and protected i was for the past 17 years of my life. hahaha, lucas scott you were so darn right, its when you are really tested you find out who you are, i wanna watch one tree hill season seven damn it :(

standard conversation in the car everyday :)

jerome: jie jie natalie, i know you got one dog right? *grins*

nat: what? what dog? i got no dog also *grins back*

jerome: nooo. you got one dog! i know i know. what is his name?

nat: haaa. what dog , i only got cat laa, rome.

jerome: i know you got one dog right jie jie natalie, his name is bobby right! :D

jerome why you so cute one :)

i honestly dont know why i even gave a shit, because honestly what have you even truly gave a shit about. shit you.

happy friday!

dash

2010-08-07T16:36:00.003+08:00

while sometimes you put someone or something as your priority first, and it doesnt quite happen the same for you, you know thats its okay. because kindness in the first place was meant to come from a sincere heart, and so will it be.

lunboks

2010-08-02T15:56:00.003+08:00

i like the new nippon paint advert song :p shooo cute! omg nippon paint, nippon paint. hahaha. the white colour thing also shoo cute! got three eyes one. and his smile so bigggg :D

and i just saw the pictures of chelsea and her husband which i forgot the name hehh, and she looks beautiful and absolutely amazing, her dress is gorgeous! :) was in the train and a few people were talking so loudly as if i am deaf like that hahaha, about how not pretty she is and why is he wearing a shawl, LIKE COME ON MAN. it isnt even your wedding, he wants to wear a shawl let him wear la! a happy wedding, and hopefully years of wonderful marriage :)

i think somewhere at a point in your life, you'll come across times where you dont expect things so much anymore, because everytime you do, and when things dont happen the way you thought and expected it to be, it sucks :( so when good things happen, its just like a bonus. but if it doesnt then there wont be much disappointment anyway since you didnt expect it in the first place.
:(

nippon paint, nippon paint.

take my lunboks :)

baa baa black sheep

2010-07-29T22:03:00.003+08:00

how come they write improved taste on the dog food packaging.

not like we really know if the taste improve or not, every dog food company also can write improved taste what.

but who cares i bought the one that said improved taste for bobby hahahaha. i love bobby, he's so cute and short and cute. and the thing is, i feel damn safe when he is around, because he would bark at the same postman ever since forever every single day as if the postman is going to kidnapp us. MAYBE HE IS! :X hehhh. quality every guy should have please, make his woman feel safe!

and i miss you. and i wish you were here.

precautions

2010-07-16T19:50:00.003+08:00

im going to use finish all the cheque books in the office by the rate of cheque cancellation i am making -___-

its not my fault okay. im trying my best not to wet the cheque, and sometimes i write the wrong figures and the franking machine failed me twice :( thank God for my super patient colleagues yay! :) the guilt and i feel super bad level increases everytime i realise i screwed up when i key in wrong stuff and omg la the figures on the list are huge! i have to calculate like ten times on excel to make sure i dont count wrongly and then i realised ohh right, they already tabulated the overall sum for me -___-

and i nearly called the head department uncle. shyteeee :(

and he never smiles :/ why not :(

its super amazing how people mantain long distance relationships, just the other day liesa and i went all weak in the knees and awwh when we saw one both of our school mates who happened to have been together for four years , and one of them is in a totally different continent all together and yet they are still great and it just left me so awwh for a little while. sometimes when i read books about how people cannot be together because of things like wars or because they have to leave faraway on a job or because of all the circumstances of the world, its just sad :(

im going to make sure i teach my children to say goodbye after the end a conversation on the phone regardless if the other person says it or not.

inception :) ever since titanic, this is the only show i've watched leornado dicaprio in, and it was long and slow people like me had to take time to understand a little bit, and i still dont get it, but it was good :)

things you do for the people you love :)

numbers

2010-07-07T21:56:00.002+08:00

i've never smiled so much in my entire life reading a number book.

because i was reading it to a cute cute boy! :)

just the other day i was at borders, and i wanted to read some evil murder revenge book hehhhh because its either sad emotional love books like dear john, WHICH IM SO DISAPPOINTED WITH WHEN I WATCHED THE MOVIE :( broke my heart, i expected so much from it. or magazines that talk about gossips and weddings hahaha. and while i was there, suddenly one cute boy holding a number book stopped at my section because his dad was looking at some books. and he gave me the sweetest smile that my heart could burst :') and he came towards me and open the book and i died.

but i still could read to him and he was so cuteeeee :) he pronounced everything so innocently and cuteeee :) boxes became woxes, fishes became wishes, zebra became webra, ducks became wucks, three became wee and omgg la. i could do it with him the whole day. but THEN TENTENTEN. the parents came :( what la, come for what -__- cannot come later meh :( okay, it was ten so what. why must bookshops close so earlyyy! :(

he smiled and ran away to his parents and came back again and gave me a hug and i nearly cried :(

you're going to grow up to be an awesome beautiful person dexter, and even though i've only known you for less than 15 minutes, you made my day so well :)

in this case, night :)

kidsssss (:

brisk

2010-06-13T18:41:00.004+08:00

had the scariest potong dream ever -__-

hahaha, usually like in those movies where the people takao on the roof and then suddenly the good person falls off the roof, nearly, not fall down down and die, like nearly then suddenly one hero will appear out of nowhere and suddenly ngam ngam ho just in time catch the person's hand and TADA, SAFE! :D clap hands, feels happy! :)

and tada, i was in the scenario. but cut off the takao part and all the drama, the dream started with me falling hahaha, super funny :) sorry, not very funny because i was on the verge of dying, and i was too kancheong so i didnt notice who was pulling me, but then i was screaming my lungs off saying OMG PLEASE DONT LET ME GO, I HAVENT FEED BOBBY YET WTH -___- which the truth is, i never feed my dog, BECAUSE my dad wants to feed him all the time, and yes. so anyway, my hands which sweat at the rate of how fast bobby eats when i give him treats which is VERY FAST, and. i slipped! :(

but! as i was falling, i quickly try to safe myself in the midst of screaming like crazy, and before i knew it, i landed on this dinosaur from meet the robinsons WTH . and i didnt die hahahaha. i never die in my dreams hahaha yay! :D gay stupid dream but quite funny hahaha.

and. to in addition to that, i dreamed that there was a musical where they played meet the robinsons songs and hans zimmer's pearl harbour! dream come true to the max yay yay yay! :D

liesa liesa (: hehh. nothing :)

i kinda like eenie meenie hahahaha. catchy song :p

and TOHHUAJIE! omg, hahaha! i just read the school magazine and your biggest fear in 10 years time is that your friends will all get married and they wont have time for you? HAHAHA.

exception

2010-06-11T19:43:00.003+08:00

happy friday! :)

karmunnnnnnn. no affairs in singapore kay :( hehehe :/ miss you already.

longest day of my life, but thank you god for making it so much better. a thousand times.

friday is our day, and whenever friday is here, you're the first person i think about.

now. and always.

unconditional

2010-06-06T19:49:00.002+08:00

i just want you to be happy :)

and to live the life you want to.

every single day and every moment of your life.

brave and bold

2010-06-04T18:51:00.002+08:00

I'm not the most eloquent speaker, so I thought I would borrow a few words from Shakespeare. 'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.' When life gets hard, when things change, true love remains the same. I look at Nathan and Haley and some how I feel safer. I don't know if I can explain that, but they give me hope. And, I'm afraid say it out loud because maybe if life finds out it'll try to beat it out of them and that will be a shame. Because, we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything’s going to be okay and that there's going to be someone there to help make sure of that. So, here's to Nathan and Haley, and here's to hope, and here's to a love that will not alter.

one tree hill, brooke davis.

roads

2010-06-03T21:50:00.003+08:00

why is math so difficult. why :(

doomed for life.

kidding! :(

somebody praised me to day! bangga to the max, and the best part is, i got praised for the awesomest thing ever hehe :)

a clasmate asked what primary school i was in last time, and i said taman megah, (TAMAN MEGAH YOU'RE THE BOMB) and he said. ohh you not from chinese school? wahh ni te hua yi hen hao!

TADAAAAA :D

and i cleared my room! okay only the table only :/ but achievement to the max okay! 10000 things on my table. books. bottle. clothes. notes. movie tickets. bags. camera. ipod. money. watch. tissues -__-

by the end of the year, my heart is going to be super strong to the max. really one haha :)

happy friday (:

rufus wainright, you're the man!

this is so unfair.

man

2010-05-27T22:07:00.001+08:00

im tired.

really.

mild

2010-05-21T20:42:00.002+08:00

i was never fond of math. simply because im not good at it, im careless and i am not logical. everytime during exams, math would be the last book in the pile of nonsense, and i have three clean workbooks except for the globe chapter behind.

and people always tell me the people who will do well in life and kick asses are those who rock at math.

no more

2010-05-18T21:44:00.004+08:00

im quite okay until i actually start thinking about it and as much as i can just pretend that it isnt exactly there, i know its there. just dont have the guts.

everytime when it starts to get irrational, i know i cannot afford to be selfish because it just isnt only about me. and because i cannot wait for my pillow to dry in time.

i miss you ang xian hui :( i just watched one tree hill, and i know you know exactly how it feels. although you do like gossip girl also. but the point is i miss you, and i hope your a2 is going to be awesome and awesomest ever!

sound damn les? -___- go die la, i can write anything i like.

so much

2010-05-15T15:25:00.006+08:00

i just need to remember to be logical. which isnt exactly my strong point but logical it is. nat, logical, logical, logical, logical, logical.

because being logical is going to put you far far away from what meddles with your heart, your emotions.

its logical for it not to be. logic logic logic.

i found my accounts trials paper which i failed :) liesaaa, remembered how depressed i was failing accounts and how i spent my whole day watching meet the robinsons and listening to broken by lifehouse :) and how after that during physics with ravi which was absolute crap everyone brought in physics reference books and we brought accounts and malay and mod math books to the lab :p

liesaaa! NEXT WEEK. :( :( :( :( omg. my heart is beating so fast, it might just stop :x

you're in my arms,

and all the world is calm

the music playing on for only two,

so close together, and when i'm with you,

so close to feeling alive.

such a nice song, makes me wanna put on a dress and wear nothing on my feet and dance and dance all night :)

i miss one tree hill :/

have a great weekend (:

streets

2010-05-13T15:50:00.002+08:00

i wanna eat loklok and laksa :(

im going to kidnap the lorry which all the loklok inside, but i want only the meatballs and quill eggs and meatballs :(

there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but i've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

the notebook.

shore

2010-05-11T20:37:00.004+08:00

because i just cant die yet.

super suicidal right gg -__-

lets fast forward lis :/

pocket

2010-05-08T17:29:00.002+08:00

dreamt i was cursed by an evil evil lady :( and you know how everytime you want to continue your nice dream after you wake up? yeah for once i didnt and i did -____- tell me why la :(

so anyway yes, i've completed the chapter in my life of working before college starts :) and, a part of me feels like mann, i dont really wanna leave, but another part of me tells me that its time for a good break before everything gets thrown to me in the face.

hahaha, yesterday a teacher wasnt feeling well, so mad and me took over this 6 year old class. and i didnt know most of them, so i had to ask one of the boy in the class to show me who is who. then we came across this girl, and he told me. ohhhh, teacher, she is my ex. -______________-

and i thought i heard wrongly, so i asked, she's your wax? what wax? and he said, noo, she's my ex. as in like ex girlfriend. you know? and gave me the dont tell me you dont know what is ex man teacher. ahem. hahaha, wow. what progress we have man really, either im really outdated or they are just really fast hahaha.

and, i was just watching some videos on ice skating at the winter olympics, and woahhh. i've always been fascinated on how these skaters can actually even stand up without falling down. like really. hahaha. and to spin and turn on ice, i cant even do it on ground. yess because im a noobie hahaha. and there was this video where this two people were practicing, and the girl fell down, and the guy gracefully picked her up, so so sweet :')

its been years since i last skate, and its not even skating la really. hahaha. i was just standing at the side, and steph was saying come on nat, come on! just come, nothing one! and i gave her plenty of excuses like, its okay, its too crowded, which at that time got like 20 people only la seriously hahah, and i said ohh wait, im looking at the hot guy skating, which, uhhh, is a small kid of five, that had more guts than me, omg memalukan to the max -__-

she had to drag me, hahaha, and i grabbed on to her so hard we both fell down hahaha :) and remember the weird bump i had on my finger steph? hahaha. before i die right, i would wanna learn how to skate. no need until like super pro, but it would be nice to learn a few steps at least :)

hahaha and definitely before i die, i have to pick up a music instrument. i always thought that the piano was designed for the guys, omg please dont shoot me girls who play piano, im just saying. girls who can play the piano rocks too okayyyy, just as much as the guys :) i have to watch a live orchestra, and not just the ones in youtube, because its amazing how impactful the music can be, and how everything just blends in right.

i cant believe i spent my saturday doing absolutely nothing, congrats nat, congrats! -__- celebrating emeline's and my dad's birthday and mother's day together tonight though :) hahaha super lazy family, cramp everything into one hahaha x) thank God mine isnt near any of my sisters and parents :D

have a great weekend :)

so why dont we go, somewhere only we know

life insurance

2010-05-07T21:12:00.004+08:00

i feel alone tonight.

happy friday :)

because, we never look back

2010-05-04T22:38:00.003+08:00

gone were the days i could actually stay up till three and watch movies :)

had dinner with sisters, and it was great :) we had mushroom soup, something we three love to eat! :)

hahaha, i just watch this super funny video, about a japanese game show, seriously, japanese people are psycho. like really! they play the craziest game in the world, and they do the craziest thing, like the video i watched, that guy, drank a whole 1.5 liter of water in 5 seconds, LIKE CRAZY! i would post the link up but i closed the safari by accident :/ found it through hann's facebook, so thank you hann! :)

and i came across this wedding site which i saw through su's facebook hahaha, which had lots of pictures of weddings, so so nice! :) i only browsed though one album in their gallery, which happens to be yew juan's sister's wedding and the pictures are beautiful :) and some others, but i closed it down, because i dont know them, and i cannot feel the atmosphere of it hahaha.

super tired! give me a good rest Lord, i dont want to wake up in the middle of the night anymore :(

it's just you and me,

and all other people, and i dont know why,

i cant keep my eyes off for you (:

time for lifehouse :)

jie li (:

2010-05-03T18:29:00.002+08:00

because kids will always make your day (:

hahaha today in kindy this boy call bryan, never met anyone as adorable as him, spilled his milk on his shirt :( so he had to change la. and i gave him this orange shirt but he merajuk and dont want to wear the shirt because his original shirt was blue in colour. then i asked him, how bryan? shame shame wor, and point to his tummy. and he said dont want natalie, dont want and cover his face, omg so cuteeeee! :)

thus i had to find another shirt which is blue in colour and thank God i did! and when i wanted to wear it for him he said no again, omg super take advantage! then another teacher came in and said bryan, this shirt natalie buy for you one okay, must wear clever boy! :) damn con kids :D champion man x)

and i thought he would have forgotten all about that shirt, but when his mom came to pick him up, his mum said, eh bryan why you wear your friend's shirt, it's not yours! and bryan said, natalie buy new one for me with the cutest voice tone that i could propose to him right then man.

bryan bryan (:

alligator

2010-05-01T13:44:00.002+08:00

handsome boy (:

lis, remember the nathan i always wanted? :)

breadcrumbs

2010-04-29T19:56:00.002+08:00

and hansel said to gretel, let us drop these breadcrumbs, so that together we find our way home. because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.

this year, i lost my way. and losing your way on a journey is unfortunate. but losing your reason for the journey, is a fate more cruel.

OMG EMO TO THE MAX LA THIS ONE TREE HILL :( :( :( BOOHOOOOO :'(

but me likey hahaha x)

my stupid braces SUPER ANNOYINGGGGG, KEEP POKING MY GUMS AND CHEEK. got one huge ulcer :( my cheek cells all no more adi :(

wahahhahaha so long never update adi :D then tada! yayy! updating now :D

you know last time right, hahaha i thought the more i served in church the more God would be pleased with me. like maybe if i preached on sunday and if i could lead worship, and if i gave up everything to be a pastor and clean the church and memorize the whole bible, probably God would pay more attention to my prayers and give me better marks in exam :) and tada! nope i didnt do any of those, and everytime i came to church, i felt so unworthy. like, God isnt pleased and he would think of me as no use for any of his awesome plans :(

to me last time, this is how how much God would love his people in the church, from the most to the least.

1) pastors, cos they preach every week!

2) children/ people who are baptized

3) children pastors/ children church leaders

4) people who attend every single prayer conference and church meetings

5) people who can lead worship

6) people who play the instruments

7) people who can memorize everything about solomon and david and jesus

8) people who participate in every performance for easter and christmas

9) people who give alot of money during offering

10) people who drive big cars and stay in big houses, probably God loves them more so He blesses them more

11) people who have all their family members coming to church and not only just them.

12) me (:

and its been just amazing how im growing so much, for the past few months, just really filled with His amazing abundant love and grace, and i've never ever felt so changed. God doesnt mind at all about whether if i couldnt play any instruments, or if i dont exactly know how to preach, or if i dont exactly know who this person called Job is in the bible, okayla i do know who he is, HE'S AWESOME, like seriously, when i read the book of Job, after reading like a quarter of it, i knew if i was him, i would have probably killed myself :(

im not saying that being a pastor is no good, or if you're generous with during offering you suck, or if you stay in a big house and drive big sport cars, you're not cool. knowing the bible IS AWESOME, leading worship IS AWESOME, participating in church events IS AWESOME :D but God doesnt love us based on that, he loves us wayy more than we would ever know, because we are His children, and nothing you can do can make Him love you more or less! we do not earn his love, because he already loves us.

and we would naturally want to lead worship BECAUSE we love Him, we should want to give our offering BECAUSE we love Him, we want to teach little kids about Jesus BECAUSE we love Him.and everytime we think about how much He does, we cannot help but want to love him back.

(: wahaha its raining everyday, the other day right got thunder, then this boy in kindergarten told me, TEACHER GOT FIREWORKS! OMG SO CUTEEEEEE :')

AND AND IP MAN 2 IS OUT :D wahh ip man damn hot please! x) eh PLEASE, DONT TELL ME YOU DONT AGREE ALSO x)

its been four months since i've graduated and i havent cleared my room hahaha x) i just found a integration paper underneath my table, omg MY PRO CHAPTER! yeah right man. i still dont gett the world crappy differentition thing, and i cant believe i wrote on my spm biology paper the umbilical cord is the placenta hahahahaha x) OMG LA WHO DOESNT KNOW WHAT IS AN UMBILICAL CORD!

wahh tommorow is friday, BEST DAY IN THE WORLD, CANT WAITTTTT :D HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY! NOT HAPPY MEH!LAST DAY OF WORK, LAST DAY OF COLLEGE, EVERYONE GOES HOME ERALY ON FRIDAY, AND THE WEEKENDS ARE HERE YAY YAY YAY YAYAYAYAYAYYAAYYA! :D i love friday so much that i wrote it for my spm essay, write about the your favourite day of the week, and i knew i was it man! the bomb question EVER!

happy friday everyone! :D yayyyy!

catfish

2010-03-04T21:05:00.003+08:00

happy thursday! friday is still the best! :D

anyway, i've been working at peter and jane for at least two months now, and heh, im having fun although im dead tired by the time i get back. some of the kids there are so cute, and although some of them really mencabar your kesabaran, by the time you come back right, and you start to think about some of them, you feel like its worth every damn sweat, hot like shyte please.

the most common question i've come about is, what is that on your teeth -__- hahaha, i dont know how to explain to them, but got this boy super cute, he said cheh, my daddy's a dentist, he got his clinic in bangsar, i see it everyday! like that also dunno meh! hahaha :)

i've also met many kind of parents, some nice, some nonsense -__-

i hope that as long as im working here, i'll be able to shower them with much love bagai menatang minyak yang penuh! kids at this age really deserves alot of love and encouragement, not spoiled of course. some are really spoiled that i feel like killing myself because i cant bare to kill them, NOT LIKE I WILL, IM JUST SAYING.

next timr right when i do have kids of my own. ahem. LIESA DONT GIVE ME THAT STARE. hahaha. i hope to raise them up with unconditional love, like how much God loves me. whether they pass their driving test or not, even if they have to take 100 times, or if they dont do well in school exams, or if they are not exactly the best kids or the cool kinda kids to the eyes of the world, as long as they put in their best for anything they do, and they trust and love God, that is the way i would want them to be raised. to never feel like they are not good enough to do something, or they're too small to dream big.

yeah i failed my driving exam btw!

some parents right, say only as long as they do their children to thier best, everything else is not important, BULLSHIT TO THE MAX, stupid hypocrites. im not saying that parents shouldnt be ambitious, but, come on man! i've seem some parents sending their children who are barely even seven to more classes that i go to for spm -______- NOT ALL OKAY. im not saying all.

omg damn tired -__- now i know how my parents feel when they come back from work, and they work even longer hours than me! helps me to appreciate my parents more and more :)

HAPPY FRIDAY! :D

turns

2010-02-03T22:18:00.003+08:00

its funny how sometimes we are so sure of what we say, and at that very moment you feel like what you say is really what ought to happen. or how you never wished for a change, like you would literally die because you THINK you know that you'll never make it.

when at times that you want to stay behind, but everyone moves forward, it sinks into your heart a little bit. but i guess as much as you miss it, you're not gonna feel it for long, because you dont miss what was behind there. because better things are waiting for you ahead.

never get attached to anything that'll probably make you disappointed in the end. be attached to God's love instead! :D

eventhough i thought i would, i dont miss it at all.

i want iced lemon tea :(

five more days!

yayyyy! :D

2010-01-28T21:07:00.003+08:00

tommorow is friday! best day ever! :D

things have been tiring but good lately. i havent sat at my study table for ages hahaha. feels weird! but hey im not complaining :) howwwww :( everyone is studying and im left behind bohoooo :( nobody wants to friend me anymore NOOOOOO.kiddings!

haha, last time right, if i greet people with all my enthusiasm and goo HIIIIIIIIII! HOW ARE YOU! :D or when i try to be nice to friends who show less enthusiasm for example:

case 1:
HIIIIIIIII REX! :D *wavessss*
uh hi nat. haha.

case 2:
HIIIIIIIII REX! :D *waves*
HAHAHHAA HI NAT! *she is crazy-___-*

case 3:
HIIIIIIIII REX! :D *waves*
*silence*

no i dont have a friend called rex, but it reminds me of dinosaurs and i wanna get a red dinosaur soon. reminds me of meet the robinsons! :D

initially it was kinda fustrating or rather i felt like what man, here i am keeping your spirits up but all you can say is hi nat. but now, it bothers me less :) i guess somehow everyone has a different level of WHEEEEE :D and thus, i would rather that someone not show their enthusiasm than to plaster a nat-is-here-i-must-smile look.

but that doesnt mean i wont be all :D and *wavesssss* to anyone who doesnt do the same to me, i hope if they are having a bad day, then at least they wont feel so down. which reminds me of my dentist , stupid wear damn long adi laaa my braces, i wanna take it off. 9 out of ten kindergarten kids will ask what is that in your teeth teacher nat, why so funny one.

hehe although sometimes i do admit i dont go all HIIIIIIIIIIIIII! :D :D but i try! feels so much nicer! :D

cant wait to greet the kids tmr and tell them its FRIDAY yayyayyayayayay! :D

happy friday! :)
college ends early, work ends early, super awesome shows on tv, you get to sleep without setting your alarm, WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LIKE RIGHT! :D

i miss everyone! :(

summer

2010-01-22T19:28:00.003+08:00

no matter if a week had been tough, or how tiring it was, God puts Fridays to remind us that rest is here, and everything is going to be great :)

i wannnt gossip girl :( xoxo.

i think US sounds really good. im glad that i talked to people about it, thank you su and yew juan :) and it sounds really promising :)

i feel like marrying you, friday.

ships

2010-01-15T18:55:00.002+08:00

fridays are the best days in the entire universe! which reminds me of my spm essay. everyone wrote about deep shit stuff like, how beauty is about the inside, and about how at the end we went separate ways, this super emo question and so many people wrote about war and sad stuff, and i worte about my favourite day of the week -__________-

OHH i love fridays cos theres no tuitions! which is actually bullshit because i have chem tuition, but i dont mind chem tuition :) ahem. and i get to come home from school early! and my parents get to eat lunch early with me cos they have extra hours of lunch break which is also bullshit because they are working. i get to watch movies in the afternoon with my sisters! my sisters sleep in the afternoon and i have to rush my chem tuition homework. hahahaha. like 6 year old essay la! T_T i hope my examiner isnt reading this.

and im not so sure where we are heading now. it seems like we are taking our own time. but hey i dont mind it at all. because im not exactly sure of what i want either.

im craving for laksa! my dad bought laksa yesterday but i was already asleep. BUTTT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY SISTER SAID, NO NEED WAKE HER UP LA. -__________________________-

what kind of a sister is that.

k must go watch some cantonese drama now. damn drama damn emo. whuhuuuu :(

happy friday! BEST DAY OF THE WEEK!

comfort

2010-01-14T18:37:00.003+08:00

when i was six, i remember i was having my kindergarten exams the next day and i lost my colour pencils. my grandpa drove out and bought me this 12 colour pencils which comes in a box. and i remembered clearly i threw tantrum because i wanted the one with 24 colours. and he drove out again and bought me the one with 24 colours. i was a darn spoilt brat.

why isnt my mum replying my email :(

bahahaha

2010-01-06T20:38:00.002+08:00

everytime i come to my blog, i feel like i died already. what a dead blogg snoreesss.

okay so what have i been up to!

im currently working with peter and jane now, its a huge kindy just right outside my house, ground floor, first floor, second floor, maybe four ten times the size of my house. the good thing about working here is that, its really near my house, so i get to wake up at maybe 7:40 and reach work just in time by 8.00. and i've got really nice, well some to be honest, people working together with me, and there is this aunty which is super funny and super nice to me, makes me laugh all the time :D hahaha.

so what do i do there? i've got to make sure the kids are all smiley and clever in the morning because nursery now is until nine thirty, then next week ten thirty, and the next eleven thirty and finally twelve thirty. its a darn tough job, seriouslyyy because all they do is cryyyy and cryyyy and they wanna run away to dont know where and i dont really get what they are saying because most of them are only three and four so i just say okayokay sure sure clever boy/girl! i know i suck, but i really need to try to really understand them in the few coming weeks!

then next they will just play till twelve, have lunch, nap time, snack time and go home! sounds damn easy right, but omg belum cuba belum tahu. sekali cuba, tiap-tiap hari tak mahu. i enjoy it really cos got this cute boy there hahahahahaha, omg weih seriously. he's only two but he's like the cutest boy EVERRRRRRR. but cannot, he's 15 years younger than me -.- damn gg, i cannot imagine man. okay enough!

my body aches like its gonna break already. i need massage! :D

i miss you liesa, cant wait to see you this friday! :D
if he likes that econs girl right lis, im speechless man. rlly. crazy every class also got girls one la howwwwww!

dont want ten kids adi.
i will die. really.

if it makes you happy, i think you're making the right choice jh! :) so many unis there, not only the ones in canada! :)

haha nites!

2009-12-29T01:36:00.002+08:00

i'll like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

hehh i passed my undanggg! seriously thank God to the max. its all God's effort, thank you God! i have no idea why everyone's so calm about it, i freaked out as much as how i would freak out for spm, but everyone like undang only ma -.- all you 48, 49, 50 people can go away la. BUT SUPER SMART OKAY. genius to the max!

just came back from jin's place. a few of us were over there just chilling and emoing about how everyone is gonna start college at different places and how we are not suppose to find new best friends and close friends. GOH JIN WAI. LIESAAA. LEE JUN YEN HEARD THAT :( haha super funny.

i just hate that everything's gonna change you know :( and i think this is gonna be a huge change.

hehh, nitey!

tennesse

2009-12-11T12:37:00.006+08:00

i think hans zimmer's are the most beautiful songs i've ever heard my entire life.

through heaven's eyes from prince of egypt is stuck in my head, and its such an awesome song!

haha princess and the frog ribbit ribbit :D was pretty awesome :) we were surrounded by little kids screaming about and hahaha. two 17 year old kids in there lol. EH WE ARE ACTUALLY STILL KIDS OKAY. under 18 whattt :) but yeah it was a great and funny thursday haha.

and okayyyy, im starting to freak out about college plans now etc. because. well because for the past 17 years of my life, i never had to make ONE SINGLE decision. all was planned and awesome and i knew what to expect time after time. so yeah, im pretty afraid now, to be honest. haha i honestly kinda felt lost after spm was over, i know wtf, shoot me. because before that i knew what i had to do was study hard for spm, but now? yeahhhhh :/

but one thing i know is that, i know wherever the future leads me its going to be great, maybe not to the sight of the world, but to the sight of God. its always nice to commit things to God and know that He's going to lead me to a great life ahead, and i never have to worry on whether if i could have found a better higher paying job, or went to a better country to study. sometimes i dont see it like at that instant what He does benefits me but after that i do see it.

like just for an example. i was in matahari last year. and when i first found out i was like, omg type wrongly is it. or haha i think its nat tan, not nat khoo. so i didnt bother until liesa told me eh nat, we're in the same class next year! uhh *stunt* for a few hours. haha uhh okay wtheck?!

i was afraid trust me. come on, those ppl there have IQ of 100000. but at the same time i was excited and to be honest pretty proud of myself. becasue i made my mum proud! and yeahhh. so i was there, it was an eye opener. stressed like nobody's business. because everything i did in matahari was never good enough. you get 80, people get 90. you get 90, people get 100. but i never gotten 80. or 90. hahaha. but hey i made some really great friends even in matahari, and they turned out to be nice and awesome after all!

and then im in teratai this year. well i was majorly disappointed i dropped class. and i kept asking God like, why did He put in matahari for a year, made me felt like im capable of doing anything, and now, degrading me? so yeahh, but i can say that, everything worked out for the better, AND I CAN NEVER ASK FOR MORE. the people i have in my class, the environment, the excitement.

in form four, i was in matahari, made great friends, worked my ass off, and i felt thankful because under all that pressure i know i wouldnt have slacked a single bit. and then in form five, i was in a class with most of my close friends, and i didnt stress that much, and i felt like it was good! okayy im not saying if mataharians will be smarter in the future or teratains will be, but i believe that God knows our hearts and what we are made of and He always put us in a place where we can shine most and bring the best out of us, inside out.

maybe you are a person who works better under pressure, or maybe you work better without pressure. maybe you can mingle around better with your group of friends, or maybe you're not really into having new friends, so what im trying to say is that, everyone's different in their own awesome way, and yeahps, God always has the BESTEST plans you can ever dream of! so no worries!

who are we to judge how great you will be in life next time? or how much money you will be generating. or how big and small your car is. or anything la okay. so it doesnt matter what class are we in right now, or how we decide to grade ourselves as better people than the others or less compared to others, i believe all of us are gonna do great in life, and yessss, HAPPY HAPPY JOYJOY! :D

pls pls stay in touch everyone :(

so yess, all you awesome people whos gonna be doctors ahemm juann and engineers ahemm jin accountant ahemm liesa, juat, physoclogist ahemm melll, and all the other stuff, DO REMEMBER MEEEEEE :D and all the awesome people in arts stream whos gonna be lawyers and businessman, please dont con me :)

time to catch up with important peopleeee! :)
haha its gonna be a great day, cos its friday, right mr szeeee? :)
haha happy fridayy!

goodnight.

2009-12-09T02:39:00.004+08:00

i just set my alarm to wake up at six and wrote down my to-do-list for 9th december and i realised. OMG SPM IS OVER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. YESYESYESYESYEYSYSYSYSYEYSYSYEYSYS!

okay this just totally uhh made me do the -.- look times one million times.
someone's facebook: SPM IS OVER YAY!
some asshole stranger commented: oh great welcome to college torture!

WHAT THE HECK! GO GET A FREAKING LIFE LA YOU DUMBDUMB. PEOPLE CANNOT BE HAPPY ONE MEH SPM OVER HARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. GAY SHYTE.

okay i admitted i was like that when pmr was over too, BUT DID I COMMENT ON ANYONE'S FACEBOOK saying hahaha, welcome to form four torture. OMG ANGRY TO THE MAXX!

anywayyy, i finally watched new moon! :D withh annoying jin, liesa, jun, koks, jie, jou and joel. i wasnt all OMG NEW MOON *DROOLS* like liesa ahem. but. i shall just say what i feel about the movie la okaysss. OMG DAMN SAD LAAAA! at the end part. when bella said to jacob what nonsense oh i will always love you, please dont make me choose. its always been edward all along.

liesa, jie, jun, me.
*STUNT FACE*

WHAT THE HECK! OMGGG STUPIDDDDD.

i know all these nonsense of team jacob and team edward is ridiculous, but TEAM JACOB!

what i felt was. bella was totally using jacob as her rebound. and like every fifteen minutes their face super near to each other and they seem like they wanna kiss but thank God they didnt. pheww. if not liesa beside me will totally scream and rip jin's head off hahaha. and come on man, DONT go near him and act all omg jacob you're the best and when edward comes back, I'VE ALWAYS CHOSEN HIM -.- GG!

okayy maybe i dont have much right to judge her, because maybe she was lonely and obviously she needed someone to make her feel better and jacob was there and all. but i felt rally bad for jacob like seriously at the end. not because taylor lautner is hot or what, die liesa sure kill me one, but its just his whole protective character and omggg i want a guy like him toooooo! :)

and OMG I GOT THE BEST THING IN TOWNNNN. ONE TREE HILL SESAON SEVEN HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA. JAMES LAFFERTY JAMES LAFFERTY!

okayy maybe to most of you, like whatttt -.- one tree hill? isnt that like what my grandparents watches -.- and yeahh of course compared to gossip girls and GA and 90210 or whatever, its wayy more outdated and old. but i think why it sorts of matters to me is because, i practically grew up watching it. and though as naive it may sound, somehow its not very hard to relate to the characters in the show, and i never fail to sometimes feel like, hey im not alone is this or hey omg that is EXACTLY what i feel right now!

so yeahh, im not against any other series, but its just that one tree hill will always be the series that accomponied me in my high school years and yeahh :) got new hot guy in the series though, robert buckley, hothothot! :D the only sad part about the series is that you go all AWWH OMG SO SWEET! and you realise oh great all of them happily together and you're stuck alone watching how wonderful their lives are. great just great.

damn, im exhausted. sleep till next year!
see you tmr nathan scott! :D

doubt not even a earthquake can wake me up.

sometimes i dont understand

2009-12-04T10:03:00.004+08:00

i chose the wrong thermos flask. 10 friggin marks. sepuluh.
not including the other mistakes also -.- im against thermos flask now. no thermos flask for my kids next time. NEVER >(

i saved my curse quota for exam periods. yes liesa yes. haha thanks for being there :) you're the best!
me: what the heck isnt it Y? what the f
liesa: AHH NAT STOP IT. ENOUGH NAT.

shut up jin, i dont even curse that much in school -.-

and omgggg. i checked my ns batch yesterday. and noo, its even worst than getting some campsite far away from home. tahniah! anda ialah something something dalam kumpulan satu atau dua.

CONGRATS WHAT LA. CONGRATS YOUR HEAD LA CONGRATS!

yeahh all of you who thinks what la why so spoilt brat one get second batch only want to complain like she got sent to war, go away please -.-

initially i was okay one, like hey God maybe you want me to go there and be awesome or something. and okayla fine, if i get like the first batch then maybe i would even consider going. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYONE GOT LIKE THE FIRST BATCH AND WHAT. im gonna rot there myself in the second batch and die.

upset upset upset.
i slept at ten yesterday and woke up at ten this morning. see how much sorrow i have! :(:(:(

hehe thanks liesa again, you were a superb comforter yesterday (:
and jh(:
and shing (:

stop it liesa. i can see that smirk on your face right now.

ahh screw it la it shouldnt spoil my friday but im really upsettt laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :(
summore i told shing once, ehh i hope we get the same camp! :D

BUT NOW. WHATTT.
okayy enough about this NS shyte.

oh God work out something great for me please? :)

and after SPM what? chill have fun. and then? what?
dont even know what i wanna do after that. everyones like taylors and sunway and mckl and im like hmm i have NO IDEA!
congrats nat you're the bestt.

hahaha, you know what i shall not be upset. i mean things will work out eventually, and yes, :D :D :D
hahaha just a few conversation i remembered we were having before spm in class and during spm :)
cant really remember the exact thing though, but yes roughly there :)

alex: banyak orang banyak ragam. macam kelas ini, ada yang pendiam, ada yang beremosi, ada yang suka merajuk (glares at jin) hahaha.
karmun: ada yang cantik.
david: OMG KARMUN I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.
jung: ada yang macam lelaki.
karmun: >(

nonsense jung. give you purple color for insulting my wife!

nat: eh liesaaa, if me and jin gets kidnapped, and you have money to save one person only who would you save?
jin: *rolls eyes*
liesa: omg nat i dont know! i know i know i ask the kidnapper to kidnapp mr too okays! ;D
nat: crazy girl.
huajie: eh lets ask alex.
nat: so how, if your mum and your wife gets kidnapped, who would you save?
alex: haaa. both also important la, but not the same la.
huajie: must save one la.
nat: the correct answer is, i will ask the kidnapper to kidnapp me also!
huajie: but the thing is, the kidnapper dont want him
alex: tak guna.

nat: you know how sometimes people just come into your life and make you feel like, you cant ask for more?
david: sorry nat.

jun: die la nat die. the bio dcpip experiment how.
nat: okay just remember lime is the best. highest concentration. rmb jun rmb jun! and orange stupidest one. damn little only.
jun: hahaha cos orange is. uh fat! thats why it has the least! :D hahaha.

and this is why i would miss high school.

and when this worlds insincere, you'll be save here.
rivermaya.

good kids study chemistry. nonsense kids update thier blog.
kill myself.

HAPPY FRIDAYYYYYY! :D :D

ride

2009-11-20T19:09:00.001+08:00

and then this is it.

this is.

it.

tada

2009-11-01T18:39:00.002+08:00

wahh. my previous post scared the shyte out of me.

i wasnt thinking straight yesterday :/ but everything is coolness now :D

i had a blessed sunday! it was great at church, and spent some awesome quality time. thank youu su and kor juanners :)

happy monday!

not now

2009-10-31T17:58:00.003+08:00

worst weekend of the century.
my neighbour's son is screaming his lungs off and im trying to sleep.

i dont give a single shit about what you think. you dont have the rights to even judge anyone. what was i even thinking -.-

if i could choose a villain i wanna be today, i wanna be bowler hat guy from meet the robinsons.

No! Everyone will tell you to let it go and move on, but dont! Instead, let it fester and boil inside of you! Take these feelings and lock them away. Let them fuel your actions. Let hate be your ally, and you will be capable of wonderful, horrid things. Heed my words Goob, dont let it go.
bowlerhatguy.

but i dont wanna be.

i need to cry.

now we are free

2009-10-30T09:32:00.002+08:00

please help me to be nice to others.

please help me to be happy for them when others shine like the sun.

please help me to be sincere about it.

now that wasnt so bad :)

heat wave

2009-10-22T16:38:00.004+08:00

very hot la today :( felt asleep in class and woke up feeling like someone baked me in the oven. OMG YUCK WEIH SHYTE. cannot imagine myself being baked in the oven omgggg.
luckily it rained. yayy thank you awesome God!

graduating tmr, craziness i know! as much as i hate waking up for school in the morning, i know i'll miss all the awesome times in school, wahh i feel so sad now. i wanna go to neverland and never ever grow up and live happily ever after.

i wanted to post a post with the title will you still love me in the morning cos i read it somewhere LUCKILY I NEVER POST. was talking to liesa randomly about it and she suddenly asked OMG NAT YOU CRAZY AH YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS OR NOT. and yess now i understand, go find out yourself -.-

i was talking to karmun about the episode in oth where they all graduated and sighhhhh :) i cant believe im 17! so fast la why why tell me why :(

and yeahh, i just wanna say if i did say anything that hurt anyone or if i said any mean things or did any mean things im so sorry :( sometimes i forget that what i do might hurt someone else and yess, i never meant it in anyway :/ because yeahh, lately i felt like life's too short to be all egoistic and like im always right and no you are wrong go and die la after i watched one episode of grey's anatomy :( and also of all the recent earthquake and all :/ NO LA IM NOT EMOING -.-

anyway just a few names i wanna mention here that grew up with me through out my high school life. okayy i dont wanna mention already after i forget to mention anyone's name here then everyone go all emo and start making voodoo dolls of me and throw eggs on my window :(

i feel like im in one tree hill.

tmr cannot be emo must be happy and awesomeness to the max!

happy friday everyone!

fixing my eyes

2009-10-08T09:15:00.004+08:00

coming clean and being honest makes you feel. free.

well. after much courage, i told my mum about my trials. especially accounts. :/

and what breaks my heart is that, because of what i do, i know it disappoints her. and i know that in the deepest corner of her heart she's afraid and she must be thinking, omg nat, spm is one month away. cannot help but share the same fear.

and yes, if i tell you im not afraid i would tell you a lie as equivalent as nathan scott is not amazingly awesome.

and well. im kinda disppointed but there is no point in grieving (thank you liesa and david cook)

truly this period of my life where hopes are not very high, and i feel like im in wasteland dying to get out of it, really tested my faith and where i truly fix my eyes on.

sometimes i feel like, didnt i work hard already, when people sleeping and going out 24/7 score better, it discourages me. and honestly sometimes i kinda wish i could be like them too. i know study smart right. where have i went wrong?

but, despite of anything now, its just a time to keep moving forward, and know that God's in control and that my future is secured and im going to live the best life ever. call that self comfort if you must, but its truly more than that to me in every single way of my life.

so yes, time to pesevere, and time to turn that 60 add math mark to marks i could only dream of but didnt dare to hope for.

help me fix my eyes onto you Jesus, every single day of my life.