flash

I remembered writing a very long article which I was very passionate about just a few months back but I never did share it and it now lies comfortably in my drafts because the amount of words I used could never really expressed my complete thought. I actually wrote the article in office lol, because I was so so fired up by it. Then the fire died down. It was pretty controversial and it would in some sense offend a lot of people, but it is really nothing but the truth. Just a very bitter pill to swallow directed to those who the passage was written to. But like the Malay proverb, Siapa makan cili, dialah rasa pedasnya. Until I saw this status which a friend posted.

Why do chances always go to people who don't deserve them?

A thousand thoughts, only one truth. And we all know it :)

i have so so much work to do, shit :( bye life.

convictions

this is exactly why I have given up hope on every single one of you. for all the reasons I always want to forfeit but keeps on banging at my door-pleading me to not NOT undergo my oh so precise judgement. no exceptions. except my beloved bobby :) I certainly hope I would be proven wrong one day and I will gladly accept defeat and embrace the love and victory because afterall, your winnings, is mine as well. 

oh Nat, you are so so clever.


Dogs are magical creatures, their love is just so-priceless. and the amount of love I have and the whole family has for Bobby is ever so refreshing. my very best friend and my family :)

bliss :)

questions

not so much of despair but more of thoughts

Nat you gotta get yourself together and be less attached to your emotions because with the amount of work you have now you will die if you dont get a grip :)

how can one single view distort a whole thought :(

and so you say

you say people dislike you or otherwise hate you for no apparent reason, but have you ever thought that the problem might have always been you yourself-- and not them? do you even deserve what you have now, when so many people out there who could have utilize it and could have earned it with their integrity and victorious march but because was stolen by you or so called given to you because of the idiocity of laws and biasness of regulations not hate you? do you even for a moment think about the shit other people have to go through rather than your superficial crap?

return waitings, no more of existence. 

perhaps for the few who is loved. the very few.

one day you're the cock of the walk, the next a feather duster.
P.Morgan

scare

it's funny/ridiculous/absurd/amazing how much guilt can be felt when you want to have a little good clean fun. when uni starts.



OHHH FOR THE LOVE

oh for the temporal love

Tried studying this weekend but it ended up with a pretty big fail. I really dont know whats wrong :( It's bad because I really want to study but I am so sleepy and tired all the time :( And the worse part is from Friday to Sunday, the wanting-ness to study just declines even more :( Supposed to read up past years but I just can't :( I really dont know what is hindering me and I have never felt like this ever. No matter how reluctant I am to start school/college/uni, usually I will be very gung-ho about it for the first week and I want to give in my best but this time its the total opposite :( I really really hope its just the temporary I can't adjust back to uni life after a wonderful holiday period and hopefully I will be able to pick up the momentum fast, IN JESUS NAME I PRAY AMEN.

Met up with Jinny Wai on Saturday for dinner at his place, and I got to see Aunty Jess and Uncle and Jin You after so long! Ever since Jin left on Sept I didnt see them anymore, and I also got to see Jin's new kitty cats!!! so cuteeeee! :) didnt manage to snap a picture of them but I used to be not a cat person cos I feel like I am betraying Bobby everytime I love cats and they are not responsive as dogs, to me that is. But they are the cutest! Partly cos it's Jin's and I am biased :P good dinner with a few people, and I wished this would happen every weekend. Hints to why uni is such a dread for me too :(  LIFEEEEEE :(

best friend of 5 years and many more to come :) 

 jou jou :)

desk partner for four crazy years and craziest friend I have :)

super sad Jinny is not coming back next year but really hoping we would all be able to gather again and hope hope either way we would meet back in Malaysia or in the States or UK. Summer has come to an end but. THERE ARE NO BUTS :( walao. okay please recover soon. I REALLY NEED IT :(

and thank you Claire and Ong for having us at Mia's birthday, she's grown up so fast! got to see ee-poh too, good family gathering :)

hoping to a good workable week ahead, crossing fingers a million times!

1st week

1st week of uni has ended! still cannot believe I am in my second year. and the best part is I do not have any classes on Friday WHADDAP! though I will not be conned because timetable wasnt that hectic either last year but I was suffocating like a fish on land. So as for now, I am not going to presume Friday to be a rest day although technically it is!

It's been a pretty loaded week, not super hectic and tiring yet, but loaded. Lectures already begun and because this year's subjects are very new to me, especially with things like Corporate Finance and Banking and Finance. I am quite happy that its is more balanced now, maths and reading are equal, and hopefully my theory part can push me up all the way. Really crossing my fingers everything goes well and even better and greater than well. 

Had a little adventure today, quite nerve wrecking actually. I though I lost the access card for the guard house when I drove out today and collected my cheque at the office! When I returned home, I couldnt find the access card anywhere near the dashboard, so I panicked. The replacement card is damn expensive TT Drove all the way back to office and see if I dropped it on the road and had to rush all the way upstairs to the office and see if anyone returned it or not :( so stress. When they said there was nothing, my heart literally sank and I was super sad. So I had to drive home, no choice, just though I would go and get the new card after lunch if I really can't find it. When I reached home, I went up to change and said a quick prayer hoping for a miracle that my card was somewhere in the car. When I went and check again, I went through every corner and sides and suddenly I saw a card holder between my seat and the gear box! It was almost impossible to see it but I did! I was so happy and it took me quite some time to get it out from there which shows how deep it has went in, and it got out! Thank you for everything Jesus! I can't explain the relieve and joy I felt eventhough it was just a finding of a card and not something super valuable like diamonds or rings. Just a reminder of Jesus' goodness in every part of my life, big or small.

and happy birthday to my lovely lovely Jie Su! your kindness and love is beyond words, and we are all so glad you are one of the best family friends we have. it's been an amazing 8 years and we are looking forward to greater happier times ahead. especially with Jerome all growing up now and Yew Juan!

dugged out a very old picture of us and a reminder of very good times :) many more to come!!



ahhh weekend. bliss :)

second

helooooooo second year of uni!

i know the thing about how our thoughts maketh the situation but I am really really really really not excited for you. but nevertheless, may this be a good, non suicidal beginning to a wonderful 9 months!

oh summer, how i miss you and how i long to see you soon.