the thing is

sometimes we have so many things to say but we just dont know how to say it. and whether if we should.

.

always wished i was more artistic, but thank God for pictures.

watched a perry video today, really cheered me up :)

max tired.

emotions

I cant believe im actually going to blog about this but this is one crappy lifehouse/the script emo nights even my ipod is against me, I shuffled it ten times and ten times either script will play or lifehouse will play I hate cos it ruins my sleep and my appetite to eat when I know im so hungry. my mum says she’ll have to be with me the whole time during my pregnancy cos she says im too emotional and she says when people get pregnant their emotions level multiplies by ten times, so she cant imagine how I would be when I am, if im even gonna be cos I don’t think I can ever bare the pain of childbirth thank god for epidural snifffffs. okay this is suppose to be the happiest day after 7 weeks of classes because midterms were over yesterday and I have two days of break yay! when you’re in college every day of break counts I don’t know how im gonna survive when working people have only fourteen days of annual leave god :( so anyway I thought I would spend my day catching up on all my series which is sucha bad idea because.

first I was so excited about perry, and I loaded it all on youtube and I started watching one by one. and it was kinda funny and sad some of the episodes and my sister wasn’t around so there was no one to comment and laugh together with me and I was all emo because I realized no one actually watches phineas and ferb at my age L everyone goes crazy about stuffs like glee and himym and bbt but nobody does about phineas and ferb and I was emo cos I thought I should maybe grow up and stop all these nonsense. but I really like perry and thus emo L the worst thing on earth is probably not have anyone share the passion you have about something but yourself. so sad L so I thought fine maybe I should just watch something more grown up and what people at my age would watch and I continued gossip girl season three and there was where all the drama began.

was watching this episode where dorota and vanya got married, and omg I just cried my eyeballs out. I cant remember how long I sat down there probably 40 mins because one episode is about 40 mins and i was so happy for dorota and vanya when they got married. they so deserve it, and its probably the highlight of gossip girl for me, so so so happy for them. the happiness they have and esp that im a sucker for kids and weddings and people who are happy, and when chuck and blair broke up. I think I died. I think blair is funny and so evil in the show at the same time, shes so great with words and when she was taking the whole break up thing with chuck for a moment there I actually felt her sadness I know Im so overreacting but its true L I don’t even know why im so upset about it its not me breaking up with chuck also, but yeah L

okayy then I thought fine maybe its just those period syndrome and suddenly she’s got you high started playing and I thought hey maybe I should watch 500 days of summer! saddest show in the entire world and I ended up crying even more like bobby just died or something. so I went down and talked to bobby and told him how much I love him and I remembered my sister telling me about her friend’s dog who before he passed away ran away from home, and then they went out looking for him. then suddenly my sister’s friend who was staying home waiting for him to come home while others looked for him saw him opposite the house underneath the tree. and his eyes were closed already, and he was facing the house looking into the house just diagonally opposite the house. apparently when dogs want to leave, they don’t do it in the house because they are afraid you’ll be upset by them leaving. and he was so reluctant to leave them because he was facing the house and when I heard that story my eyeballs just literally popped because it was so sad! I told bob if he is ever gonna leave he’s gonna leave us in the house and not run away to some other place, he’s our family, he’s gonna be in all our family shootings and wedding photos and etc L

sister came back and we watched some phineas and ferb. then after that we thought we would go out for some shopping since she needed to get some stuffs, we had bubble tea but didn’t die eventhough they say got carcinogen, and bought lots of stuff we don’t need but want L sorry mum and dad! but the shopping did some good because it cured some sadness. what to do when you have daughters as children L

then while we were eating suddenly we saw this guy from our school, now I really hope nobody reads my blog damn it, and I thought he was still the same old hot looking guy which he was back in high school, proves that my taste rocks please, but my sister was nononono where got hot la jie what taste you have in guys. ahhhh so hot damn it my sister’s eyes got prob, and when he smiled my sister gave the whole errr what look but I thought damn sweet lor pls L but anyways, after all the jumping around and grinning arguing with her I came home and started to go thru all the past year school magazines and got emo again L I wished I was either more active/involved in clubs and activities, and in ed board or be one of those super naughty kids who don’t listen to teachers/skip class go partayy/don’t do work but still get awesome results students :D I didn’t leave any impact in my school la damn it. should have left as a legend haha :D

then I saw my books and test papers and the biggest worry I had in high school was how I was never gonna get an A for bio or accounts and how add math was going to be the death of me and log used to drive me nuts but now that im doing calculus log is my best friend L and the saddest thing that would happen would be having to sleep late to study which I cant believe im freaking saying this now but I miss it L I wouldn’t mind doing it now everyday because the worst thing then is the best thing in life now then my sister said when we look back to who we are now we’ll laugh our ass off cos we have bigger stuff like house loans and credit cards and how im not gonna spoil my nephews and nieces in the future, what a sister.

then I got emo because my mum said cannot buy ice cream cos I was coughing but I swear it was only a little so no ice cream so sad L world is against me. okays shall sleep now hope tomorrow will be better! J since its happy Friday! J

cant believe I just typed so much bullshit.

self discovery

you know how they always say when you are happy i am happy too?

self discovery, it doesnt apply to me

i sound like a selfish bitter person, but im so glad i discovered it. really.

if not now, when

it has been a busy week, so much things to rush through and so much catching up to do on work because everything is so lagged. had wonderful dinner with elyas boy yesterday, he's such a clever, loving and wonderful 4 year old :) we had mashed potatoes, and sausages, and fried rice, macaroni, and so much food :) and the funny thing is haflway while we were eating, he asked me to write his name on the paper cup, and i asked him what else did he want me to write, and he said, can you draw a heart for me and write my mummy's name inside? :) and subsequently after that he asked me to draw three more hearts, one for daddy, jemmi, and esais with their names on it :) so cute :) he's going to grow up into one loving boy, cant wait for him to grow up :)

and i submitted my essay for my college yearbook and magazine, and i dont think i have been more encouraged in so long by the reply i got back :) my lecturer replied my email and she said i can write really well, and it was very cohesive, and now im gonna write one more article for the upcoming issue :) encouragement does wonders and its great to have somebody believe in you, and especially for someone to believe in you in the things that you want to do great in :) and so today when someone told me nat, you say youre awesome and you can do it so frequently that it doesnt mean much anymore cos youre saying it to everyone. but you know what, youre wrong :) when i say youre awesome or youre really clever or you can do it, i mean with all my heart than anyone could know. if i cannot mean it with all my heart, i'll just say i hope to hear good news from you, all the best :) its not that i have the rights to judge whether you can do it well or not, but its hard for me to give my highest hopes because as much as im cruel to not give my highest hopes, it would be even more cruel to give someone what i dont mean and say what i dont mean either.

made 2 wonderful discoveries! people who i thought were generally nice, turned out to be not so nice after all. you know how when someone jokes, there has to be a limit to it because really, no one wants an offensive joke? yeahh, im not angry or disappointed or anything, but im so glad i discovered it! like after all these times, and i always thought yeah they are so nice, and i wished everyone were as nice as them, but you know what, im glad i dont anymore. amazing discovery of how people you thought you knew so well, isnt what you know after all. and second, amazon! been going to amazon a lot lately, really bad :( saw a perry messenger bag, and i want it so badly! but its too ex, its 20usd and 10usd for shipping, too ex :( bad thing about this website is that they are all ex after you convert them, and you need someone thats staying in the States to get it for you, so then it will be cheaper :(

ahh so much calculus to do, i dont think i did so well in quiz. wednesday is judgement day and i hope i can finish memorizing all the formula by sat. cant wait for mid terms to finish. got my gossip girl, grey, and dexter waiting for me, so tempted but i shall not since summer is coming and all production stops then, so gotta divide equally all the episodes i have. been watching lots of burn notice too, this is bad :(

and im braces free! :) :) so happy :)

have a good weekend! dont think i ever felt like my week was so long, but it is. but got so much work, so i'll be drained out by the end of the day.

weekends are the best :)

i say what i like

lol i thought of privatizing my blog because i feel like i say too much things here which i feel like i shouldnt say, like telling the whole world yeahhh this is my weak point, please come and take me down! or im having an emotional breakdown now, please come and intrude into my life awesome stranger! haha okay not funny, but then i realised i dont have to! cos nobody reads my blog, and im actually pretty happy about it hahaha, i can say anything i want (sort of) hahaha yay!

i've been inserting alot of swear words while blogging, and i know, people's general perception is that people who swear are not very nice etc. i mean i dont swear and say the f word like drinking water, but i dont see any fault of saying swear words when i need to express something out. i know it sounds so hypocritical (is there even such a word) like wahh youre altering the rules just because you cant follow it, but i dont think i swear that much (unless stupid and what the counts) unless im super pissed about something and there are no words to express my anger. when i start swearing, my anger level is 18039378947893 infinity. i know right, im pretty crazy, im scared of myself too sometimes :D no really -_-

anyway this is pretty random, but. i dont really say sorry much unless i mean it. i mean most of the time i give in eventhough its not my fault just for the sake of making peace and not give a shit anymore, but i realised that it isnt quite the right way. i mean im not saying that saying sorry is wrong, but even when you say sorry to make peace, you gotta mean your sorrys. i think saying sorry is pretty easy, unless you are an egoist, but if you dont mean it, then dont say it. and by meaning it, i dont mean by having the remorse, but to want to make up to the person you hurt. anyone can say sorry, but the thing is, the person who got hurt deserves more than an apology or someone that is generally very good with the word sorry and not mean a thing. being sorry means not wanting to ever do it again because of the hurt and pain you cause someone, and not just for the sake of brushing of the guilt from your shoulders. so really, know what you say sorry for, because sorry isnt a word to put things right into place after causing damage that probably might or might not be fixed.

okayyyy, today is deep from the heart matter day lol im freaking out myself. so much work to do. and so stressed :(

thank you for being here, eventhough you might not even know it, eventhough youre half a world away :)